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How to recognize sobriety?

Anonymous
Posted by Anonymous
  • 27 Replies
My son is going to have a supervised visit with his dad for the first time in 6 months and his dad is a long time meth user. Just got out of jail for the 18th time.. I just wanted to know if any of you know things that I can look for to see if he looks like he is clean and sober.. I just want to see if I can see signs of sobriety just for my.knowledge and peace of mind to see that he is clean. I'll probably only see him for a few seconds while I drop off my son but is there anything I can look for?

Thank you
Posted by Anonymous on May. 8, 2016 at 7:38 AM
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Replies (1-10):
Anonymous
by Anonymous 2 on May. 8, 2016 at 10:44 AM

Ugh! Not sure, but I would be nervous dropping off my son with him. Maybe look for hyperness. I know some people on it, and I have seen it destroy them. Seems like when people get on that stuff, they are always addicted to it, and constanly fall prey to it.. I'm so sorry you are having to deal with this.

grneyedormom
by Kendra on May. 8, 2016 at 10:48 AM
Behavior and thought process changes. Accountability for their action while using. They look healthy vs gaunt and sickly. Who is supervising the visit?
Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on May. 8, 2016 at 11:53 AM
We are using an agency. I just saw a pic of him through his relatives Facebook and he has dark circles around his eyes and his teeth are decaying since I have seen him last. I know those things develop with constant use, but it's not like his tooth decay can go away if he is clean and I don't know if the dark circles clear up or if they stay, so I don't know how to tell because he has been effected from his previous use so much I don't know what is current =/

Quoting grneyedormom: Behavior and thought process changes. Accountability for their action while using. They look healthy vs gaunt and sickly. Who is supervising the visit?
Oliviasmom72
by Gold Member on May. 8, 2016 at 11:56 AM

Is there any way you can ask for random drug tests? This guy sounds like a mess. Who initiated the visits?

grneyedormom
by Kendra on May. 8, 2016 at 11:57 AM
1 mom liked this
Ask the supervising agency what their policy is on continuing visits of a parent presents or is under the influence during a visit. Considering the visits are supervised, the impact on your child could be minimal. The decay, yes, absolutely is a lasting effect from use, the dark eyes could be from lack of sleep in jail and/or lack of proper nutrition. Addicts don't take care of themselves. I work with addicts daily, obvious changes are weight gain, clearer skin, clearer thinking processes, etc. you might not see that right away.

Quoting Anonymous 1: We are using an agency. I just saw a pic of him through his relatives Facebook and he has dark circles around his eyes and his teeth are decaying since I have seen him last. I know those things develop with constant use, but it's not like his tooth decay can go away if he is clean and I don't know if the dark circles clear up or if they stay, so I don't know how to tell because he has been effected from his previous use so much I don't know what is current =/

Quoting grneyedormom: Behavior and thought process changes. Accountability for their action while using. They look healthy vs gaunt and sickly. Who is supervising the visit?
Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on May. 8, 2016 at 12:02 PM
Thank you, trust me, I am always a wreck when I have to drop him off and it is the hardest thing in the world for me to force my son to be there when he's screaming his head off and saying he doesn't want to go in. His dad will sometimes be consistent a few times a month for visits and then disappears again for 6 months, or a year, or a year and a half. Been arrested 18 times. I tried to take him back to court to take away visits until he completed rehab but they wouldn't let me do it because the visits are supervised and the judge felt we "shouldn't focus on the past but hope.for a better future" this has been the hardest and most painful part of my life. I missed it completely for years when he was abusing meth before, I had no idea what was happening I was totally oblivious because id never been exposed to it and he hides it really really well. So I'm trying a new strategy instead of looking for signs that he is using, I'm trying to see if I can see signs he is clean

Quoting Anonymous 2:

Ugh! Not sure, but I would be nervous dropping off my son with him. Maybe look for hyperness. I know some people on it, and I have seen it destroy them. Seems like when people get on that stuff, they are always addicted to it, and constanly fall prey to it.. I'm so sorry you are having to deal with this.

Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on May. 8, 2016 at 12:05 PM
I tried asking for tests, but the judge wouldn't grant them. They said it's not up to me to test him because he won't ever get custody until he does tests on his own anyway, so if he's not taking them then I shouldn't worry... =( he is a mess. He initiates visits and I legally have to oblige a maximum of 4 hrs/week. =(

Quoting Oliviasmom72:

Is there any way you can ask for random drug tests? This guy sounds like a mess. Who initiated the visits?

Oliviasmom72
by Gold Member on May. 8, 2016 at 1:18 PM

ok well maybe he will make an effort to stay clean. I would watch for blood shot eyes, dialated pupils. Apart from that if visits are supervised not much you can really do.

Anonymous
by Anonymous 2 on May. 8, 2016 at 1:51 PM
1 mom liked this

I am so sorry you are having to go through this. I know it has to be hard on you, and ds. Maybe they can drug test him once a month to make sure he is clean, before allowing him around your ds. 

Quoting Anonymous 1: Thank you, trust me, I am always a wreck when I have to drop him off and it is the hardest thing in the world for me to force my son to be there when he's screaming his head off and saying he doesn't want to go in. His dad will sometimes be consistent a few times a month for visits and then disappears again for 6 months, or a year, or a year and a half. Been arrested 18 times. I tried to take him back to court to take away visits until he completed rehab but they wouldn't let me do it because the visits are supervised and the judge felt we "shouldn't focus on the past but hope.for a better future" this has been the hardest and most painful part of my life. I missed it completely for years when he was abusing meth before, I had no idea what was happening I was totally oblivious because id never been exposed to it and he hides it really really well. So I'm trying a new strategy instead of looking for signs that he is using, I'm trying to see if I can see signs he is clean
Quoting Anonymous 2:

Ugh! Not sure, but I would be nervous dropping off my son with him. Maybe look for hyperness. I know some people on it, and I have seen it destroy them. Seems like when people get on that stuff, they are always addicted to it, and constanly fall prey to it.. I'm so sorry you are having to deal with this.


virginiamama71
by Carrie on May. 8, 2016 at 3:09 PM

 does he usually show up for visits? You will need more than a few seconds to recognize any changes.

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