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I'm tired of it...

Anonymous
Posted by Anonymous
  • 3 Replies

I've had a few posts about my ex husband and him seeing our daughter. He had his regular visitation after our divorce. He kept up with it somewhat. We've been divorce for about 7 years now. The first couple of years he kept up with the visiation, then roughly 4 years ago he saw her less, itd be months between visits. Then 3 years ago, he quit seeing her all together. No calls or anything, an occasional text at first. Then nothing. Randomly he texted in October 2016 and wanted to see her. I let him come up here and visit in the park while I supervised (I mean after all this time we barely know him). In November we set up another visit and he didn't show up, I texted to see what was going on and he said his truck quit running and he got called in to work. We set up another visit for December, him saying he'd try to get the day off, but then I never heard from him and still haven't again. This is exactly why I was considering not letting him back in her life, he does this, sees her awhile then quits.

I'm so tired of it and I don't even want to respond if he texts again. My daughter is turning 9 in April. Back when she was 5 and for awhile after, she'd ask about her dad, where he was, if he still loved her. On and off she'd ask when she'd get to see him again and I said I don't know, that he needs to get ahold of me. When he finally did last year, I had mixed feelings, but she was really excited. She was happy to see him, but I could tell she had realized that she didn't know him anymore and though at first she sat on his lap and hugged him, she seemed uncomfortable. Then she went off to play in the park. She was also happy because he brought gifts. Since that visit in October, she hasn't asked to see him again, she doesn't even really say anything about him.

She has really bonded with my fiance and we've talked about him adopting her after we get married. She at first wasn't sure about changing her last name after the adoption, but now seems to be totally fine with it. My fiance has been in her life for over 2 years now, we also knew him for about a year before that (though not well). So basically between seeing him as a father figure and her younger sister's dad being a father figure, she does have plenty of men in her life that care for her. As soon as my fiance and I get married, I'm going to ask my ex husband if he will just sign over his rights. It was about the time I reminded him that being a parent means paying for expenses like medical bills and such for kids, not just doing fun things, that he decided to quit seeing her again. I will tell him that maybe we can still have a visition here and there, but if he signs over his rights he doesn't have to worry about child support or any expenses. I hope he will go along with it and not try to fight. But I also know it may end up being a fight. I'm just so tired of him pretending to others that he is a good dad when he has barely been in our daughter's life or provided for her. Even since our divorce he has only paid $50/month in child support and was often late on it.

My biggest reason for wanting my fiance to adopt her is that if I died while she was still a minor, I don't want her to go to her dad since not only is he not a good dad, but he can't keep a job, he lives with his mom who is not supposed to be around kids, and I feel like she would have a terrible life and be seperated from her sister. My girls are very close. Even being 4 years apart, they actually get sad if they are seperated overnight. Just wish me luck that all goes smoothly when the time comes. My fiance and I are getting married in July. 

Posted by Anonymous on Jan. 26, 2017 at 12:11 PM
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Replies (1-3):
virginiamama71
by Carrie on Jan. 26, 2017 at 3:05 PM
What will happen if you ignore his calls/texts?

It doesn't make sense for parents to keep contact with the other parent if they have shown they are not interested in being a parent. It does nothing for everyone involved.
Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Jan. 27, 2017 at 11:49 AM

I don't think anything would honestly. Technically if he wanted to fight it in court, they could get me for contempt of court, but honestly since he hasn't shown a ton of interest in seeing her, and goes back and forth about being in her life, I don't know if they would do anything. Not to mention I don't think he'd bother going to court about it. He also has no money. Last I knew, he said he was behind on child support too. 

Quoting virginiamama71: What will happen if you ignore his calls/texts? It doesn't make sense for parents to keep contact with the other parent if they have shown they are not interested in being a parent. It does nothing for everyone involved.


Momlady41
by Member on Jan. 27, 2017 at 11:48 PM

Seems like you've got it all figured out. If your daughter's father doesn't want to be a part of her life, it might just be best to let him go. Certainly having him to sign over his rights to you and your new husband makes sense. However, it might be a good idea to speak to an attorney about this the legal aspect on signing over parental rights, to protect all concerned.  

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