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Second, third, I have no idea what week this is, but...

Anonymous
Posted by Anonymous
  • 4 Replies

I am hanging in there. I have accepted the end of my marriage. I have been living without him for a while. It took for me to take a verbal beating for me to wake up. My husband was cruel to the point of sending me and invitation for divorce trough our family calendar. He cut me deep and he kept hitting his mark over and over again. He made me feel so worthless and he made me feel really small. He pounded into me with harsh words and his verbal abused has cut more deeply than anything physical he could have done to me. I decided that it was over. From that moment on, I haven't texted him unless he did about something related to the kids. I haven't called him.  I haven't try to fix our marriage,  I just decided I had enough. It is painful and its heartbreaking. Its more difficult to tell others that you are no longer a couple. Its hard to end years and years of marriage, but in the end I can't keep receiving his abuse in the hopes that we stay together. I don't know what happened to the man I love. To that man that made me fall in love. I know that is not him. He has change in ways I don't recognize him. I know I deserve better or at least someone who is not willing to bring me down or destroy me for his personal pleasure. Is not okay how he breaks me down. I realized that now. I love him, but I need to love myself more.

Its been a couple of days since I seen my kids. I am dealing with the move and I am trying to have everything in place in less than 2 weeks so they can come with me. My mother has been taken great care of them, and he has been seeing them when he can after work. I know I am doing the best I can for them and for myself. I know this will be difficult being all alone in a new place. I know its not going to be easy, but I will do it, I know I cant. My friends have been amazing from the distance. I swear I have to give them a thank you gift for their support. Sometimes I ask myself what I did to deserve this. Sometimes I ask myself why...  Sometimes I just want to cry... I never expected my life to change like this, I am trying to seek God for answers, but every time I want to pray I cant. I am so hurt right now and my heart is in pieces, but my children keep me alive, they keep me moving, they keep me breathing. I hope in a year or two, all of this that I am feeling goes away. I hope to be happy.'I am afraid of this journey call being a single mother, I am not going to lie. I am trying to be brave or at least pretend that I am.

Posted by Anonymous on Apr. 10, 2017 at 5:37 PM
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Replies (1-4):
Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Apr. 10, 2017 at 5:51 PM

bump

cjsmom1
by Group Admin on Apr. 10, 2017 at 8:40 PM
No one has a right to treat you the way your ex did. It won't be easy but you can do it.
Anonymous
by Anonymous 2 on Apr. 11, 2017 at 6:47 AM
I was married for nineteen years and left the abuse. It is difficult at first but I am into my third year now and I can tell you it does get easier, better. I am very grateful I was able to get out of that mess and my children are too. Believe me when I say it gets easier and slowly but surely you will catch yourself smiling and laughing and just being yourself again. I agree the children are the best medicine. You can and will get through this.
ahhope4u
by on Apr. 11, 2017 at 1:00 PM

I am so glad you are ok- as  move forward see the beauty that can be found in your kids-and in the future that's kind of hiding like it's waiting behind a hill-  it is amazing what our attitude can see- it's the same hope that will help deepen your faith - there are so many beautiful ways to pray- in song- in silence-in movement- in dance- in hugs many blessings 

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