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So Overwhelmed!

Posted by on Oct. 28, 2017 at 7:17 AM
  • 22 Replies

 

Hello everyone, 

I'm a single mom of 2. My dd is 18 and ds is 10. Their father suddenly passed away this January just before our daughter's graduation. We had been divorced for several years but he was very much a part of their lives.

DS has his moments but seems to be doing better. DD is a totally different situation. She's not doing well at all. She was a true daddy's girl! He spoiled her and she expects me to do the same now and I'm not able to do what he did. I'm disabled due to a brain tumor, lupus, rheumatoid and heart disease. She comes home every weekend to work, but she doesn't feel she should have any responsibilites because he did everthing for her. I only ask that she pay for her phone since she wanted the new i-phone and her car insursance, but she outright refuses. She doesn't even put gas in her car because daddy did that too. I have to buy food for us and for her to have at school. Not to mention once I started receiving their dad's social security it put me over the medicaid income limit and I have to buy medication out of pocket. All I hear is what she wouldn't have to deal with if daddy was here. It makes me feel so bad that I don't say anything else knowing that it's going to put a strain on me. I don't want to make her feel worse or miss him more, if that's possible.

She started college in August and seemed very excited. I recently learned thru one of her professors she was only putting up a brave front so neither I or her father would be disappointed. She's having such bad panic attacks that her doctor has recommended she get a service dog for anxiety.

This will be the first holiday season without him and I know it's going to be difficult. Not to mention he would've turned 50 on Dec 4. She's already expressed to me that she doesn't know how she's going to handle it. I've noticed lately that her hands shake a lot. She has ADHD and is bi-polar. I'm very worried she's not taking her medication and may be on the verge of having a nervous breakdown. I want to bring her home until she's in a better place but my family disagrees. They feel she's got to learn to deal with things on her own and that I need to stop letting her use his death to get her way with me. 

This is really taking a toll on me. I'm having one of the worst flares I've had in years and I know the stress of this has a lot to do with it. I have to make myself eat and I don't rest well. Sorry this is so long but I am so full right now.  



by on Oct. 28, 2017 at 7:17 AM
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Replies (1-10):
virginiamama71
by Carrie on Oct. 28, 2017 at 9:29 AM
College can wait. She needs professional help now.
cjsmom1
by Group Admin on Oct. 28, 2017 at 9:43 AM
1 mom liked this
She needs to see a counselor to learn to deal with her dad passing away and get help for the panic attacks. Don't pay for anything you wouldn't have before. Let her phone get disconnected and car run out of gas. It's the only way she is going to learn.
Don't write off her feelings. For Christmas give a photo album with pictures of him or something tangible she can hold and think about him.
amonkeymom
by Platinum Member on Oct. 28, 2017 at 10:48 AM

College can definitely wait, it's not going anywhere. Your daughter's mental health is much more important and should be addressed ASAP.

I'm so sorry for the loss of your ex/their father. I can't imagine how difficult things are right now for all of you.

zboys
by Member on Oct. 28, 2017 at 4:56 PM

HUGS

SoBlesdDivaMom
by Member on Oct. 29, 2017 at 7:57 AM
Quoting cjsmom1: She needs to see a counselor to learn to deal with her dad passing away and get help for the panic attacks. Don't pay for anything you wouldn't have before. Let her phone get disconnected and car run out of gas. It's the only way she is going to learn.
Don't write off her feelings. For Christmas give a photo album with pictures of him or something tangible she can hold and think about him.
SoBlesdDivaMom
by Member on Oct. 29, 2017 at 8:14 AM
She's scheduled appointments with her physician and a therapist. I've been trying to get her to see one for months now and she wouldn't. Thank God she finally realized she needed to go. I love the photo album idea. I think I'll make one for both of them for Christmas. I had pillows made with some of his shirts for her when she went off to college.

I hate having to deal with her so harshly with everything she's going thru, but like you said it's the only way she's going to learn. She's simply not getting it any other way. Thanks so much for your reply.
SoBlesdDivaMom
by Member on Oct. 29, 2017 at 8:14 AM
Quoting zboys:

HUGS

SoBlesdDivaMom
by Member on Oct. 29, 2017 at 8:15 AM
Thanks a lot! I need all I can get right now.
SoBlesdDivaMom
by Member on Oct. 29, 2017 at 8:16 AM
Quoting amonkeymom:

College can definitely wait, it's not going anywhere. Your daughter's mental health is much more important and should be addressed ASAP.

I'm so sorry for the loss of your ex/their father. I can't imagine how difficult things are right now for all of you.

SoBlesdDivaMom
by Member on Oct. 29, 2017 at 8:30 AM
Thank you! It has been devastating. I wish no child would ever have to know such pain. It's hard enough to go through as adults.

I agree. College can AND WILL wait.
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