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Hello everyone, 

I'm a single mom of 2. My dd is 18 and ds is 10. Their father suddenly passed away this January just before our daughter's graduation. We had been divorced for several years but he was very much a part of their lives.

DS has his moments but seems to be doing better. DD is a totally different situation. She's not doing well at all. She was a true daddy's girl! He spoiled her and she expects me to do the same now and I'm not able to do what he did. I'm disabled due to a brain tumor, lupus, rheumatoid and heart disease. She comes home every weekend to work, but she doesn't feel she should have any responsibilites because he did everthing for her. I only ask that she pay for her phone since she wanted the new i-phone and her car insursance, but she outright refuses. She doesn't even put gas in her car because daddy did that too. I have to buy food for us and for her to have at school. Not to mention once I started receiving their dad's social security it put me over the medicaid income limit and I have to buy medication out of pocket. All I hear is what she wouldn't have to deal with if daddy was here. It makes me feel so bad that I don't say anything else knowing that it's going to put a strain on me. I don't want to make her feel worse or miss him more, if that's possible.

She started college in August and seemed very excited. I recently learned thru one of her professors she was only putting up a brave front so neither I or her father would be disappointed. She's having such bad panic attacks that her doctor has recommended she get a service dog for anxiety.

This will be the first holiday season without him and I know it's going to be difficult. Not to mention he would've turned 50 on Dec 4. She's already expressed to me that she doesn't know how she's going to handle it. I've noticed lately that her hands shake a lot. She has ADHD and is bi-polar. I'm very worried she's not taking her medication and may be on the verge of having a nervous breakdown. I want to bring her home until she's in a better place but my family disagrees. They feel she's got to learn to deal with things on her own and that I need to stop letting her use his death to get her way with me. 

This is really taking a toll on me. I'm having one of the worst flares I've had in years and I know the stress of this has a lot to do with it. I have to make myself eat and I don't rest well. Sorry this is so long but I am so full right now.  



by on Oct. 28, 2017 at 7:17 AM
Replies (21-22):
SoBlesdDivaMom
by on Nov. 29, 2017 at 7:58 AM
Thanks so much!

Quoting deltathree: I'm so sorry. My heart goes out to you. Huge hugs.❤
Katya12
by on Dec. 4, 2017 at 7:56 PM

Sounds like you are making very good choices, setting boundaries and giving your daughter consequences for her disrespectful behavior.    If you make the statement of no phone or car insurance, you must be as good as your word.  You must carry through.  It is the only way she will know you mean business.   Can you use the phone or the car insurance as an incentive for her to see the counselor?  I agree, something has to get her there.   Since you are a praying woman, ask the Lord to insulate your heart and protect it at this time from her hurtful barbs.   She is crying out for help....she just doesnt know that.  Tough love is so hard.  But I can see you love her and care so much.  Be brave.  Continue standing your ground.  I will pray for wisdom for you and that she will see that counselor.  Hold tight to the one who can make a way where there is no way!!

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