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When do you intro the kids to a new bf?

Posted by on Nov. 11, 2017 at 6:02 PM
  • 10 Replies

Hey all. 
For starters, I'm a 2X2. My first child (4) was nearly 2 when I met the father of my second child (18mos). I let him meet her after only 3 or so weeks of dating. I had wanted to wait longer, but he traveled an hour to see me and then her father flaked on a visit and I felt bad sending the guy home. He was around for about 2 years, we conceived and had a baby and it was a bad fit. We split in July, and I had a brief "thing" with an old high school friend - with whom I reconnected in the grocery store and we both had our kids with us, so the kids were involved from the start. That fizzled in a few weeks, but my 4 year-old still asks about him. She is the kind of child who gets attached easily. She is bubbly and outgoing and wonderful. 
Now, I've been seeing someone for about 6 weeks. We're proclaimed exclusive, we live about an hour apart. I have pretty serious feelings for him... in the two years since his divorce, no one he's dated has met his son (3) but he has mentioned a few times setting up a playdate for the kids to start getting to know everyone... 
I think he's offended that I have told him no. He met my son, because at 18 months my son is already very different from my daughter. He is very clingy to me, and very disinterested in other people. And at 18 months, I doubt if he would remember meeting someone a handful of times, or that it would have a lasting effect. But I remember things from when I was 4... and if this "relationship" doesn't last, and I introduce my daughter, she will likely remember him.  I don't know that I'm ready yet to introduce her... And I'm struggling because I feel like it's almost offensive that I don't want him to meet her... I have no reason to believe it's going to be a long-term thing other than the fact that he says that's what he's looking for. He seems very genuine. But my lifetime of bad past experience has me so hesitant. Help me navigate this? Obviously no one can give me the answers, but can anyone offer me some questions I can ask myself about him, about my children, about me, to help me figure all of this out?

by on Nov. 11, 2017 at 6:02 PM
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Replies (1-10):
Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 on Nov. 11, 2017 at 6:04 PM
I didn't until we had decided on marriage in our furture. It was around 2 years, I think.
dorothygail
by New Member on Nov. 11, 2017 at 6:14 PM

I super respect this. I don't know how to approach this without offending him. Care to share how you discussed this? I can also say, I doubt if I could wait this long simply for the fact that we are working around very crazy schedules, I have no one to babysit, and we're about 2 hours apart, distance-wise. But I definitely don't feel ready for this at the 6 week mark. 

Quoting Anonymous 1: I didn't until we had decided on marriage in our furture. It was around 2 years, I think.


virginiamama71
by Carrie on Nov. 11, 2017 at 6:15 PM
Wait until there's a serious commitment.
Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 on Nov. 11, 2017 at 6:17 PM
1 mom liked this
I guess I didn't worry about offending him. I just told him what I felt and how I was going to conduct my side of the relationship, and he was good with it. We were worth it, he said.

It was easier because I had regular child care and we didn't live far apart, but I encourage you not to let convenience force you into something you aren't ready for. Good things work out in time and if it's meant to work out, it will find a way.

Quoting dorothygail:

I super respect this. I don't know how to approach this without offending him. Care to share how you discussed this? I can also say, I doubt if I could wait this long simply for the fact that we are working around very crazy schedules, I have no one to babysit, and we're about 2 hours apart, distance-wise. But I definitely don't feel ready for this at the 6 week mark. 

Quoting Anonymous 1: I didn't until we had decided on marriage in our furture. It was around 2 years, I think.

dorothygail
by New Member on Nov. 11, 2017 at 6:25 PM

Thank you both, yes, the commitment is what I feel I am waiting for. And voicing that feels like an ultimatum. I would never want him to feel forced into the commitment piece, I want the commitment but only when it's sincere. 

amonkeymom
by Platinum Member on Nov. 13, 2017 at 6:20 PM

If you're not comfortable introducing him to your daughter yet, then I don't think that it's the right time.

Wait until you're more comfortable in your relationship.

Lindalou907
by Member on Nov. 14, 2017 at 7:20 AM
1 mom liked this

I would say something like "I am crazy about you, but lets just wait a little longer, because dd has been hurt in the past, her personality is more sensitive than most,  and I'm concerned that 6 weeks isn't nearly long enough for you to really know me and I want to get this right, because I respect you so much" And also say something about how sexy he is when he talks, lol. 

Anonymous
by Anonymous 2 on Nov. 17, 2017 at 10:12 AM

I got pregnant so I had to tell daughter, but she was only 3 years old so it wasn't a problem.

Spirit2spirit
by on Nov. 20, 2017 at 4:38 PM

I acknowledge you for taking your time to introduce your daughter to your boyfriend. Dating and being a single parenting is a very sensitive subject. I too went through that after my divorce. I found Dating and the Single Parent is a good resource that may be helpful in your situation. Also, Dating and the Single Parent book by Ron Deal is a great resource. 

Blessings to you and the right and perfect partner for you and your children.

cjsmom1
by Group Admin on Nov. 20, 2017 at 4:54 PM
I would wait until it's serious. It will hurt your daughter for people to be in and out of her life
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