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Momma needs help. Denied. (Long Rant. I'm angry and hurt)

Posted by Anonymous   + Show Post

This morning my mother and I got into this big fight. 

Every school morning I take my kids up to my parents house which is on the way to the bus stop for my oldest and my youngests day care. My parents help me pay for day care because you know single mom, no money, can't get gov't help because I make slightly too  much for help. 

Anyway so I get there to my parent's house and the first thing my mom does is yell at me because  my oldest doesn't have his thick jacket. She's like how do you lose a jacket in that little apartment. 

What she doesn't know is that we looked for the jacket, he only had his 2 wool type school jackets and a light one but its like 40 degrees outside so wearing a thick jacket isn't really necessary especially since he's got his school jacket plus 2 layers underneath and the light jacket over it. 

I said we don't have the jacket, no he hasn't worn it home in several days and I honestly don't know where it is. She goes on to yell at me and I turn around and I'm like Do you have any idea how hard it is to be a single mother? 

She says 'You chose that'

Yes, I chose to divorce my kids father, why? because he's an abusive alcoholic that literally did nothing but drink for 4 years straight and scream at me when I came home from work to have a whole 30 minutes to myself before getting the kids. For 2 of those 4 years my oldest would go to an after school program and I wouldn't be able to pick him up til 5 pm and I would get home around 4. Mind you, out of those 4 years he worked for exactly 9 months. I haven't seen a penny in child support or any type of help from him. 

In fact he spent the better part of this year in jail for violating the protective order against me. When the PO expired and he got out of jail he spent 3 months straight emailing me, calling me, following me every day. 

None of this is the point though. 

Yes I chose to divorce my kids father, I chose to become a single mother because hey, it's better than the alternative which at that time was suicide. Yes I really did contemplate killing myself to get rid of him, thank God I came to my senses and divorced him instead. 

However, I did that with the thought that I would have some support from my parents. I didn't expect to have my bills paid, I didn't expect to drop my kids off whenever so I could go out. I don't do either of those things. I expected for some help. Maybe pick the kids up from the bus stop and day care, maybe take them for a few hours on the weekends so I could have some alone time and actually clean the house. 

Anyway, so my mom tells me I chose to be a single mother and I exploded. 

I told her "Do you know what its like to be a single mother? NO you don't. You've always had dad to help you, everything that you did to raise me and my sister with my dad I'm doing alone. None of you know what it's like being a single mother, my sister and her husband make 4 times as much as I do and are still struggling to raise their one child but hey they have each other. Again everything they're doing together I'm doing by myself." 

I don't expect much, I expect a support system, I expect the things I mentioned above. 

Then she tried to use my age as an excuse 'Are you 65 almost 66'

No mom and I can't control my age anymore than you can. 

Furthermore, she stays at home all day. She cleans the house once a week and goes to Walmart maybe twice a week. She literally has all this time on her hands and in fact told me that she and my dad would help me out. She complains that she's bored out of her mind at home alone all day but refuses to either get out of the house, get a part time job, anything. She complains that she's sick all the time but again refuses to go to the doctor to get checked out. 

She doesn't work, she hasn't worked in 13 years.  I appreciate everything that she and my dad have done for me. I don't tell them often because ACTIONS speak louder than words. I SHOW them instead. I do things around the house, I clean up, I cook, I run errands for them. I thank them for everything that they do for me. I get them thoughtful gifts whenever it's necessary (birthdays, Christmas, etc)

I spend my meager paycheck on my living expenses first but always find money for everything else. Sometimes it's literally found money or won money (I won $100 on scratch offs recently) but I do it. 

Am I wrong here? Am I not allowed to expect a support system of my family when they told me they would help me out? 

Posted by Anonymous on Dec. 13, 2017 at 8:57 AM
Replies (11-14):
by on Dec. 21, 2017 at 9:40 PM

I'm so sorry, it's already really tough to be a single mom and so much harder when things like that are said from those closest to us. You sound like a great mom, and your kids seem very well cared for. Did you tell your mom that what she said hurt you? I hope you both are able to work it out. 

by Bronze Member on Dec. 22, 2017 at 12:48 PM

Moms seem to be our biggest supporters or our biggest critics. My mom tries to find anything wrong with my house that she can find. She’s jealous because she lost hers so, she finds fault with mine. Your mom is overstepping the boundaries and kudos to you for defending yourself. 

by Group Admin on Dec. 24, 2017 at 9:54 AM
You can't expect anyone to help you. Your parents are choosing to help you. It isn't easy, but try finding a way to do it without their help. As long as they're helping you your mom will think she's free to say whatever she wants. She shouldn't be speaking to you like that in front of your kids
by Bronze Member on Dec. 25, 2017 at 5:22 PM
Any pity I might have left when you start numbering "she only does this and that all week". She already played mother. She doesn't have to pitch in for your kids, you chose to be a mother, you chose to be a single mother and because of your preparation for life, this is where YOU are. Support is support, not supplement. Do better.
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