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As a single mom how do you

Posted by on Dec. 15, 2017 at 12:46 AM
  • 20 Replies
Stay afloat? It’s hard being a single mom especially when it’s just you and only one income, no child support (long story), and very limited babysitters. What kind of jobs do you all do? Do you think you have a good work:life balance?

Me personally I work at a gas station. It’s not ideal, I keep getting scheduled out of my availability and honestly I don’t make enough money. I still live at home with mom with my ds. How do you guys make it work? Sometimes I go days with only seeing my ds long enough to get him ready and off to school in the morning.
by on Dec. 15, 2017 at 12:46 AM
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by on Dec. 15, 2017 at 12:52 AM
At first I had it made. Worked as a PA for a software developer. I worked when DS was at school.

After that job it sucked. I was working multiple jobs and never seeing my kid. Ended up a manager at one so I left the other. Still barely saw my kid.

About a year I found a 40hr call center job that paid a dollar more and left for that. Then I got very sick and my then DF moved in. We ended up getting pregnant and got married.
by Group Admin on Dec. 15, 2017 at 3:30 AM
2 moms liked this
Truthfully I look back at that part of my life and wonder how I survived. It took 6 yrs to get a wage garnishment ordered for my ex to pay child support. My church helped. We visited the food bank alot. Our clothes often came from Goodwill. Somehow I made it work. I not only worked full-time, but I went to school full-time as well. It was tough raising two young babies while doing that. I had really good babysitters and when I had night classes my parents watched the kids for the most part. I did as much online as possible. I basically got around 2-4 hours of sleep at night for about 4 yrs. It was entirely worth it! I now make enough to support us. I own my own home and best yet I have happy well adjusted almost adult children (17, 21).
I have learned much. God taught me humility during that time. It was a hard lesson to learn. You have to ask for help. There are single mom groups now you can join that help. I didn't have that then. I had this group which helped a lot with the emotional support. That is the main reason I am still in it today. I hope to maybe return the favor by paying it forward.

As far as a job, I have a master's degree in computer science and I'm an IT architect. This has advantages as well as disadvantages. I work anywhere from 50-70 hours a week. I try to keep them around 50, but longer hours happen. I can however work from home which is really nice. Information Technology jobs are awesome for this fact alone. We can do our job anywhere anytime. It's a salary position so you have to know how to work life balance or you won't have it, because I don't get paid for working more. With that said, I can however adjust meetings and my work schedule to take kids to the dentist (for instance). My daughter has braces and gets adjustments every 4-6 weeks. I can also work from the dentist office while she's in there. So it's a toss up and you just have to know how to get that balance in. I also had (and sometimes still do) to work harder than the men (it's a male dominant profession) to prove myself. I currently lead a team of all men. It's a challenge for sure. To help with stress, I like to take hot bathes when I have time and just relax. I couldn't do that as well when the kiddos were young. I swear once you have kids you can never go to the bathroom alone again. My daughter still comes into the bathroom.

Dating was a real challenge. You have to be extremely careful with all the nut jobs out there and child preditors. I made every man I dated do a background check and yes some of them thought I was nuts, but the ones worth dating understood. You also want to be careful not to introduce your kids too early in the relationship. Personally I only let them met ones I thought were going beyond dating. My kids think I only dated 2 men after their dad left and I married the 2nd one.

Hang in there. It takes time and hard work, but it does get easier and you will eventually be rewarded. Stay focused on what's best for your kiddos and you can't go wrong.
by on Dec. 15, 2017 at 3:41 AM
I have no clue, lol. I'm considering going into the army reserves and getting a part time job. Right now I'm just in school, which I get money every month
for. School is my priority right now so employment is on the back burner but I do want extra income because I only get "paid" once a month.
by Carrie on Dec. 15, 2017 at 7:41 AM
I work for the County government. Great benefits,and leave time. Monday to Friday, 8:30-5. No weekends, off holidays.

I never asked anyone to babysit my son. He was always in after school or a camp.

Have you thought about applying for a job in the school system? Most offer good benefits, decent pay and same day/hours as your son.

by Kendra on Dec. 15, 2017 at 9:06 AM
I went back to school after my kiddo was born to finish my Bachelor’s degree. I had a huge support system with my parents and family friends, and she didn’t have to go to daycare until she was about 7 or 8 months old. Once I graduated I had a job waiting for me with the juvenile corrections department and then a year later starting working for our state government. She was in school by then and went to after school programs. Now she’s a teenager and fairly self-sufficient. I learned a lot about myself and how to ask for help when needed but not to rely on others. How to find help and establish my own systems of friends who were willing to exchange care and support.
by Anonymous 1 on Dec. 15, 2017 at 9:08 AM

Could you try to get a job at the schools and that way you have kinda the same schedule as DS? They might even pay more than a gas station. Hugs!

by Member on Dec. 15, 2017 at 9:37 AM

Growing up, I saw my mom be so dependent on my dad. She stayed with him because she couldn't be financially independent. They are not together anymore but she is STILL financially dependent on him.

This influenced me to go to college. I am a single mom now....its been a year...and though I am pretty minimalistic with my life, my girls are in sports year round and it's busy and expensive. I do get child support and it does help.
Without it, I would have to make a lot of sacrifices.

Outside of financial stuff, I definitely get overwhelmed but try to do whatever I can, when I can.

by Member on Dec. 15, 2017 at 1:14 PM

I've always felt that I have had a good work/life balance.  This could be because I have always put my kids 1st.  It was priority to me no matter what job I took my kids were the most important.

It sounds to me like your job isn't the right fit if they are being disrespectful and scheduling you outside of your availability.  For me that isn't a company I would want to work for.

Maybe it's time to look for a job change and find something that will work better for you and your child.  School?  I'm not sure fully what your situation is, but it's up to you to make the necessary changes in order to have that balance.

by Anonymous 2 on Dec. 15, 2017 at 1:20 PM

I work for the government as well. Excellent benefits, flexible job, etc. I am/was always able to take off if my daughter is sick or has an appt. Outside of daycare the first two years, I didn't have a babysitter. Now that she's older, she does a lot of the school childcare programs and in the summers, I have a college girl that watches her, when she's not doing summer activities. I am also able to bring her to work with me. I work the typically 8-5, weekends off and most major holidays.
My parents also help out a lol. They live about an hour away so we see them just about every weekend.

by on Dec. 18, 2017 at 3:40 PM

Wow. Yes, it is hard being a single mom.  I've discovered that I need to think outside of the box when it comes to working.  I decided to get a nanny job so that I could have my son with me at work.  There are also online jobs available but harder to find good ones.  Think about what you want from a job and try to find somthing that matches up with it.  Do you like dogs?  There are dog sitters and walkers online.  Do you like kids?  How about checking into daycares or after school care? It's hard but looking online to see what's out there can give you ideas that you've never thought of doing.  Happy searching.. Keep hope.

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