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So ashamed of myself ..

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I have battled depression for as long as I can remember , I was with my mentally abusing ex for 11 years , things never got better .. when I ended things in April it all just went further down hill than I could of ever imagined!

My house wasn’t filthy, my kids were always fed and happy!.. however I just lost my motivation and felt like I was drowning.. my ex didn’t take the kids for visits, call or anything until I met a new Mann and we started dating in July of 2017.

When he found out I was dating this man he text me “tell him to have fun humping my wife haha”

He didn’t like that my kids loved my boyfriend because he’d do things with them their father didn’t , they liked he didn’t yell and actually talked to them about things that upset them!

Things got even worse when he started dating my now ex best friend.. they were demanding custody of our bio kids (I refused), so they started calling cps filing false reports and just my luck a day they came to do a check was a day that my two year old took his diaper off at nap time and had smeared poo on his mattress .. they took this as I was neglecting the kids and opened a file, I cleaned the house, got new mattresses and did what was asked of me.. then they wanted me to change my medication and I did this less than a week after I changed meds they came to me accusing me of locking my two year old in his room (not true at all and I have many witnesses stating he’s rarely in there), nap time and sometimes I’d put him in there to play but check on him periodically he was never in there more than an hour if that .. from the start of the case opening to when they were apprehended in sept the file was open not even 3 weeks .. I’ve been jumping through hoops to get my kids home, yet they keep changing their terms of what they exapect and I’m starting to loose my hope in all of this..

Ex only had the kids two months before he lost them as he and ex friend have the most toxic relationship I’ve seen!.. she would text me anytime she didnt like how he parented and would constantly complain about my kids, and how they couldn’t afford them , he and ex friend are expecting a baby in June and his parents have our two bio kids currently.. he lost them because he left her and brought them to me!.. I shouldn’t of let them in I know but it was freezing and I hadn’t seen my kids in weeks at that point (he wouldn’t take my calls to them or let me see them period even though he I as told by cps to let me and it was allowed ). he asked me to take them for the day and I agreed , ex bff called cps to tell them he brought them to my place (she was trying to force him to go back to her).. and I gave them willingly back to cps who placed them with his parents until February when our case is looked at again.. I just need some kind of hope because I’m starting to loose mine.. I love my kids and I keep thinking if I never met my boyfriend and stayed single then maybe I’d still have my kids .. I shouldn’t of started dating I guess.. and now I feel like trash :(

I keep my house clean, call and visit my kids regularly and do everything cps has asked of me .. but it just seems like I’m never going to have my babies home!

Please no bashing I just need to know it gets better and there is some hope!.. I don’t do drugs or drink and I’ve always put my kids first in everything I’ve done in my life .. it seems like I’ve done everything right in life and I still can’t get ahead or do anything right
by on Dec. 28, 2017 at 2:05 AM
Replies (41-41):
by Member on Dec. 31, 2017 at 7:24 PM
1 mom liked this
Thank you I’m trying my very best to be strong and keep my head up.

Quoting chicagogem:

I'm so sorry that you're going through this. It sounds like you are doing all the right things and I know it's so hard, Keep taking it one step at a time. It's a long process, but you'll get there. Stay strong mama~  

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