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Ex's girlfriend being mean to my kid!?

Posted by on Dec. 28, 2017 at 9:16 AM
  • 18 Replies

Advice needed!


My daughter(6) keeps coming home from my ex's house complaining that her dad's girlfriend is mean to her and yells at her. She said when she's not being mean, she's completely ignoring her. This is the 4th time she's come home saying this. She actually tried to take a video with her (kids) smart watch and only got a couple seconds of her dad saying "AND IF YOU TELL MOMMY...." and that was it. When I asked her why he said that she said that she told him she was going to tell me that his girlfriend was being mean to her. What should I do? On one hand, I want to say something to my ex AND his girlfriend, but on another I kind of just want to teach my kid to take better videos so I have concrete proof! This isn't the first time that my ex has attempted to coach my daughter to lie to me... 

by on Dec. 28, 2017 at 9:16 AM
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Replies (1-10):
virginiamama71
by Mom on Dec. 28, 2017 at 9:31 AM
Talk to the girlfriend about this.
Also it doesn't hurt to get to know the people our children spend time around.
Oliviasmom72
by Gold Member on Dec. 28, 2017 at 9:42 AM

I would approach Dad first. Let him know you foresee a possible issue here and if there is a problem he better take care of it.

Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 on Dec. 28, 2017 at 2:59 PM

Spy cam. 

kidding, talk to the adults and take your child seriously. 

gramabrenda
by on Dec. 28, 2017 at 5:03 PM

The main thing I see here is making things safe for your child. Is she just being ignored or is there other things that are going on? I agree that it is important for you to know the people your child is with. I personally don't think it is fair for a child to be caught between two parents. I experienced that as a child and it is not fun or healthy. So I pray that you will know what to do to make this a positive experience for your child. I pray that you will have the wisdom to discern what is really happening. I pray that you and your ex will have a respectable relationship and that this child will be able to enjoy both her Mother and her Father. I pray that you and your ex will be responsible adults, taking the child into consideration, and doing what is best for her. I pray for this child's safety and well being. Amen.

Anonymous
by Anonymous 3 on Dec. 28, 2017 at 5:56 PM

No that is not the norm for most kids just because their parents are divorced...I would never stay with someone just because of my kids, my oldest would not have grown up happy had I stayed with her dad...he was an asshole. Now I'm married to a wonderful man who wants to adopt her. He is great with them.

Quoting Anonymous 2: Saying something will make it worse. That is why I would never split from my husband. This is sadly a norm for most kids.


Anonymous
by Anonymous 3 on Dec. 28, 2017 at 5:58 PM

I would talk with them about it, if it continues I'd be taking it to court honestly. How is she mean to her? Like what does she do? I suppose you could always have your kid record something that is happening before you confront them. Poor kid :(

agse01
by on Dec. 28, 2017 at 8:39 PM

I'm sorry that you are going through this. It must be so tough on your daughter as well to understand what is going on and why someone would treat her this way! I think it is good that she is coming to you and letting you know what is going on and that it bothers her. First and foremost, keep the lines of communication open with her so she knows she has a safe place to come to share her concerns! As a young child, she is trying to understand the family dynamics. In her world, most likely, she wants both yours and her dad's approval and she doesn't want to let either one of you down. She loves her dad and she loves you. She most likely doesn't understand how your ex's girlfriend fits in to all of this, but she does understand that how she is being treated is not ok. I would advise to not put her in the middle of it and potentially have to choose sides..you or her dad. I would advise not to have her record anything. If she gets caught by her dad most likely there will be ramifications from him (yelled at or whatever) then she will also have to deal with letting you down as well. A kid should never be put in the middle of her parents' issues. Talk to your ex directly about your concerns and how it is effecting your child. If he cares at all, he will do something to ensure that there is a positive relationship between his new girlfriend and your daughter. Continue giving your daughter a safe place to come to and talk about what she is experiencing and teaching her how to deal with difficult people in a positive manner. Stability, open communication, and the permission to love the other parent are essential for your daughter to thrive in this situation. Best of luck to you. I know it's hard!


strawberrylibra
by Member on Dec. 29, 2017 at 8:32 AM

Thank you everybody for the replies! Sadly, whenever I try to talk or confront him about things, he lies. He is extremely toxic and will start yelling at me/ trying to put me down.That is why I was hesitating, because it never gets anywhere. He gets defensive and tries to turn everything around on me unfortunately, however, maybe if I say something he will put a stop to it..

jcm3
by on Dec. 29, 2017 at 8:37 AM
1 mom liked this
I would take videos. Why you all ask because I would take it to court
virginiamama71
by Mom on Dec. 29, 2017 at 8:56 AM
How is she mean?
Is it because she says no to something that you and her father say yes to?
Does she have other children that have her attention or just not interested in being around her every minute and this is why she feels she is being ignored ?


Quoting strawberrylibra:

Thank you everybody for the replies! Sadly, whenever I try to talk or confront him about things, he lies. He is extremely toxic and will start yelling at me/ trying to put me down.That is why I was hesitating, because it never gets anywhere. He gets defensive and tries to turn everything around on me unfortunately, however, maybe if I say something he will put a stop to it..

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