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Update: How do you know if someone is married?

Anonymous
Posted by Anonymous
  • 22 Replies
This guy has been mildly flirting with me for over a month now. There's been a few times when it seemed like he was about to ask me out but I shut it down. Why? Because I can't tell if he's married or not.

He's in his late 40's, and at that age everyone is either married or divorced, right? He doesn't wear a wedding ring. He has a ridiculously common name so there's no use looking him up. He asks about my son every now and then, but I never ask if he has kids because I know that's a really touchy subject for some. He drives a two seat car.

I once made the mistake of dating a married man. He had a great cover up and I fell for it. I don't want to make the same mistake again. Obviously if I ask and he is looking to cheat on his wife, he'll just lie. So how do I really find out if he's married or not?


Update:
I asked, he said he wasn't. I decided to stop being paranoid and agreed to a date at the end of the week. A few days later I ended up in a different town and decided to just get groceries there instead of my usual store. I saw him shopping with his wife. He looked miserable, but a marriage is a marriage. I cancelled and I didn't tell him why.
Posted by Anonymous on Dec. 29, 2017 at 8:53 PM
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Anonymous
by Anonymous on Dec. 30, 2017 at 10:44 AM
If you can’t ask and feel like you got an honest answer, then he’s not a good guy for you. Sounds like you have some work to do before you can trust people again. You likely aren’t ready to date anytime soon.
M4LG5
by Member on Dec. 29, 2017 at 9:00 PM
1 mom liked this
Just ask...

"So what's your story....married, separated, single? I'm juat wondering because the last guy I dated said he was single but ended up being married. Ugh! Can you believe it?"

Haha.
virginiamama71
by Carrie on Dec. 29, 2017 at 9:03 PM
2 moms liked this
Usually people ask this when they first meet/start talking.
If you spend time going out doing different things together this may help you to know. Married people usually don't have a lot of free time and follow a routine.
soccer711
by on Dec. 30, 2017 at 8:40 AM
Is there a pale white circle on the ring finger of his left hand? That means he's married. You can always just ask.
virginiamama71
by Carrie on Dec. 30, 2017 at 9:37 AM
What about married people who don't wear wedding rings?

Quoting soccer711: Is there a pale white circle on the ring finger of his left hand? That means he's married. You can always just ask.
ame4c
by Group Admin on Dec. 30, 2017 at 10:24 AM
Sounds to me like you are not ready. This has nothing to do with him at this point. You need to learn to trust yourself again. It takes time to heal after being hurt and your not done healing. You want that healing before you try to date again.

I recommend counseling. So many think this means they are crazy or something is wrong with them and that is just not the case. When we are hurt, we pick up bad habits and bad insecurities, usually to protect ourselves. Counseling will help correct those things or at the very least make you aware you are doing it. It will help you heal correctly very much like putting a cast on a broken bone. A broken bone will heal without the cast, but it won't heal correctly and will often cause more severe problems down the road. Counseling serves as the same purpose as a cast on a broken bone for your emotional breaks. It just helps us heal better.
cjsmom1
by Group Admin on Dec. 30, 2017 at 10:28 AM
I would ask
soccer711
by on Dec. 30, 2017 at 10:41 AM
Quoting virginiamama71: What about married people who don't wear wedding rings?

Quoting soccer711: Is there a pale white circle on the ring finger of his left hand? That means he's married. You can always just ask.


You could always ask if he's married. Personally, I don't know any married people who don't wear rings either on their hand or a chain.
Anonymous
by Anonymous 2 on Dec. 30, 2017 at 10:44 AM
If you can’t ask and feel like you got an honest answer, then he’s not a good guy for you. Sounds like you have some work to do before you can trust people again. You likely aren’t ready to date anytime soon.
M4LG5
by Member on Dec. 30, 2017 at 10:52 AM
Very specific free time and routine usually indicates he is married and/or have children.

Quoting virginiamama71: Usually people ask this when they first meet/start talking.
If you spend time going out doing different things together this may help you to know. Married people usually don't have a lot of free time and follow a routine.
squirrelml
by Member on Dec. 30, 2017 at 2:26 PM

Just ask, and if he doesn't answer honestly you will know. If he doesn't have alot of free time, he maybe hidding something. Or doesn't want you to come over to his house, certain things can give you clues.

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