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Is how I'm feeling normal?

Anonymous
Posted by Anonymous
  • 5 Replies

I'm about 9 months post divorce. 

I've been seeing this guy for a while now. He's really great, is great with my kids (he knew them before we ever got together), I've known him for about 15 years but never really got to know him until recently. We have a ton in common, we have the same sense of humor, we're really great together. 

However, he's falling in love. I assume because one day I was halfway asleep (pretending to sleep when it happened) and he said he loved me. Then repeated it. 

He seems to be trying to step into the step dad roll. Talks about how he wants to talk to my ex about our relationship. Will get on the floor and play with the kids. Will get the kids out of the car for me or get them something to drink or eat. Makes sure my kids get fed first before anybody else eats. Things like that.

Sounds great right?

Well I feel trapped. I feel like he wants more from me than I can give. I feel like I want freedom, he wants a relationship. But I also can see a life with him, I like that he's around for stuff like that. I like that my kids like him being around. 

before you ask- Ex is most likely living under a bridge or in a mental institute right now. hasn't seen the kids or even bothered with them in months. He's more worried about getting his next drink or possibly drug of choice at this point (I heard he was doing meth back in October). 

So is how I'm feeling normal? Is this just a post divorce thing and I need more time to adjust or find myself or whatever. Did any of you feel this way?

Posted by Anonymous on Mar. 20, 2018 at 2:09 PM
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Replies (1-5):
squirrelml
by Member on Mar. 20, 2018 at 2:39 PM

Your feelings are normal. If you are feeling trapped your not ready for another marriage-or your relationship is moving too fast. Its great he gets along with your kids, and they like him. Thats a plus, but take it slow until you feel comfortable and not the trapped feeling. Sometimes only you know, that you can move to the next step in life.Sometimes having too much in common isn't always a good thing. Growing together and learning about each other takes time.

Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Mar. 20, 2018 at 2:41 PM

Thank you. 

I told him in the past that I wasn't ready for a relationship, something deep and meaningful right this moment. I'm not ready to move in or get married again or whatever else.  I guess I'll just have to tell him again. 

I'm glad to know I'm having normal feelings about this all. 

Quoting squirrelml:

Your feelings are normal. If you are feeling trapped your not ready for another marriage-or your relationship is moving too fast. Its great he gets along with your kids, and they like him. Thats a plus, but take it slow until you feel comfortable and not the trapped feeling. Sometimes only you know, that you can move to the next step in life.Sometimes having too much in common isn't always a good thing. Growing together and learning about each other takes time.


AliciaV99
by on Mar. 23, 2018 at 12:53 AM
Totally normal. I’ve dated men after my divorce and when I feel they r getting too close I end up pushing them away cause I’m just not ready. No one has met my kids yet though. I recently decided to stop dating and focus on myself and my children. They also never talk to their dad. They see him twice a year but he lives in another state. When we first separated he called everyday now it’s once a month if they r lucky. But don’t think what ur going through is weird. I still feel that way and I’ve been separated from their dad for a couple years now.
deltathree
by Gold Member on Mar. 27, 2018 at 6:56 PM

This.........

and want to add ur feelings are ur feelings, neither right or wrong.  They just are.  You do what you feel is best.  HUgs.

Quoting squirrelml:

Your feelings are normal. If you are feeling trapped your not ready for another marriage-or your relationship is moving too fast. Its great he gets along with your kids, and they like him. Thats a plus, but take it slow until you feel comfortable and not the trapped feeling. Sometimes only you know, that you can move to the next step in life.Sometimes having too much in common isn't always a good thing. Growing together and learning about each other takes time.


cjsmom1
by Group Admin on Mar. 31, 2018 at 9:02 PM
Explain to him that you need a little more space. That you're still trying to heal from your divorce. Take some time to focus on doings things with just you and the kids.
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