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Unpaid Whore No More (Dr. Laura Letter)

Posted by on Jan. 28, 2008 at 11:12 PM
  • 73 Replies
1 mom liked this
This letter had me thinking. When women open thier legs to any guy who shows interest are we being unpaid whores.
What do you ladies think?
Heres the letter:

I remember the first time I heard you use the term, "unpaid whore." My mouth dropped open and I stared at my car radio in shock. Anger came next, because I was one. "How dare you?" I thought. And, then confusion: "What sort of woman would demand payment??"

I stewed and brooded about it, but kept up my behavior. According to the movies, a man wanted a woman who approached sex like a professional, who didn't get emotionally involved, and that independent, aloof quality would make him fall in love with me. He'd see my softer side despite my best efforts to hide it, and we'd get married and live in the suburbs. Hey, it worked for Julia Roberts! (movie: "Pretty Woman")

In reality, though, I couldn't approach sex with mercenary efficiency. I came to care about the person I was sharing myself with, and watched, dumbfounded and crushed, when time and again they left me to marry someone else: Someone with self-respect; Someone with class. They treated me exactly as I was: a prostitute they didn't have to pay.

It took me a long, long time to realize that the way to a man's heart is NOT through his penis, despite what he might tell me, despite what the movies portray. Thanks to you, I've realized that I have to love MYSELF, respect MYSELF before anyone can love me, before I can love anyone back… Thanks to you, I finally see that a man's willingness to sleep with me is no compliment. It's not flattering to know that this man or that man will "do" me. They'll "do" practically anyone who offers it for free. Casual sex is like fast food to a man: a common, cheap meal he gobbles on his way to somewhere else, somewhere better, and then promptly forgets.

Nowadays, when a man tries to charm his way into my pants, I laugh. "I'm not gonna be your Happy Meal," I say, and walk away. I don't deserve to be used and thrown away; I won't let that happen ever again. I deserve to be treasured, savored, prized and loved.

What kind of woman demands payment? This kind. A man will pay me the RESPECT and HONOR and DIGNITY I deserve, for all the tender, sweet, nurturing love, fun and support I offer him - in bed and out. I don't care if I have to wait until I'm 90 to find this man! I won't ever settle for less.

Thanks for helping me become the confident, secure, sexy woman I was PRETENDING to be. "Unpaid whore" was a tough pill to swallow, but eventually it did me some good.


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by on Jan. 28, 2008 at 11:12 PM
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Replies (1-10):
momto2bs
by on Jan. 28, 2008 at 11:17 PM
Wow! That's pretty good. It sounds like she did a lot of soul searching. I like some of Dr. Laura's stuff this one is good.
cheeres
by on Jan. 28, 2008 at 11:20 PM
I understand where you are coming from on alot of things you said. but it still harsh saying that. I did the same thing thinking the only way for a man to love is if you sleep with him. But i don't consdier my self a whore. I just think i made some mistakes.

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momto2bs
by on Jan. 28, 2008 at 11:30 PM
Yes, it is harsh! I guess having heard so much of DR Laura's junk and knowing how harsh she can be and extreme, I didn't think of it as harsh. I guess I just took this letter from the lady and realized it helped her become a better person!
Quoting cheeres:

I understand where you are coming from on alot of things you said. but it still harsh saying that. I did the same thing thinking the only way for a man to love is if you sleep with him. But i don't consdier my self a whore. I just think i made some mistakes.

pagentkween1
by on Jan. 28, 2008 at 11:34 PM
Wow!  Very interesting, and true. 
nursejessie70
by on Jan. 29, 2008 at 9:36 AM

This is so true......and something I wish had been taught to me when I was young. For some reason, as a young woman I always felt flattered that a man would be interested in me because, as a female, I wouldn't sleep with a guy if I wasn't interested in him. I assumed it was the same for men. After many heartbreaks and being dumbfounded by things not working out, I caught on.

I said the best thing a parent can teach their daughters is men don't like having their prze handed to them.....it takes all the fun out of it and they move on to the challenge.

Several of the married women I know have told me they married a 'player' who they repeatedly turned down and it kept them coming back. The more they had to work, the more they got to know them and drew them into caring for them.
arinbidi
by on Jan. 29, 2008 at 10:18 AM
Sometimes harsh is good. A lot of people can't handle the truth but if we really wake up and look at our behaviors, we ARE playing the parts of the unpaid whore. I dated a guy who wanted a relationship but I deemed him "non-relationship-type"-which turned out to be true- and continued to sleep with him because I thought I wanted to get laid and thought I could try this whole casual sex thing. Turns out, even though I knew I couldn't put myself into a relationship with him where there would be actual expectations, I turned into his booty call and watched him go through a succession of relationships while I stood on the back burner until they broke up (only because I refused to let him cheat with ME) and finally realized that I wasn't Samantha on Sex in the City, I did care about sex, I did like him, and I needed to cut off all contact with him because every time I was with him, I felt like shit about myself. So I can either say that was a mistake I made or I can face up to the harsher term of "unpaid whore". It's all relative in my book.
ikesmommy
by on Jan. 29, 2008 at 11:32 AM
Damn, that is good stuff.
shadowcat
by on Jan. 30, 2008 at 1:23 PM
Thanks for sharing.  You got me thinking or should I say re-thinking some of my actions.  Thanks again.
nina5
by on Jan. 30, 2008 at 2:15 PM

Quoting arinbidi:

Sometimes harsh is good. A lot of people can't handle the truth but if we really wake up and look at our behaviors, we ARE playing the parts of the unpaid whore. I dated a guy who wanted a relationship but I deemed him "non-relationship-type"-which turned out to be true- and continued to sleep with him because I thought I wanted to get laid and thought I could try this whole casual sex thing. Turns out, even though I knew I couldn't put myself into a relationship with him where there would be actual expectations, I turned into his booty call and watched him go through a succession of relationships while I stood on the back burner until they broke up (only because I refused to let him cheat with ME) and finally realized that I wasn't Samantha on Sex in the City, I did care about sex, I did like him, and I needed to cut off all contact with him because every time I was with him, I felt like shit about myself. So I can either say that was a mistake I made or I can face up to the harsher term of "unpaid whore". It's all relative in my book.
You took the words out of my mouth.
Mommy_and_Bear
by on Jan. 30, 2008 at 3:40 PM
I feel like I lost myself in my 9 year marriage, so a relationship seems out of the question for me.  My 'booty call' is not someone I would ever consider a relationship with anyhow, but we have a little fun from time to time with few conversations in between incidents.  He just works a ton, so we're more barely friends with benefits more out of convenience (tons of fun). 

I have no idea if he is dating, and he has no idea if I am.  We just discussed that we would appreciate the courtesy of cutting things off if we decide to start switching off partners (using protection of course).  I am dating other men, but I am not sleeping with other men.  I look at it as a way to hold out a bit, but I would never lead anyone on!!!!   If I sense for even a second that there is true relationship potential with anyone, I will break it off with the other guy.  I just don't feel like a whore at all with this arrangement.  I like sex, and if I never saw that guy I would lose no sleep.
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