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he lives it up, while i care for his child......

Posted by on Jan. 30, 2008 at 4:34 AM
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How many other ladies are in this position? I am a sahm mum at the moment and i am with my little girl everyday, there is no every second weekend here cause he doesn't have a clue to be honest.......besides which he has no patience..... In two weeks he is going oseas with his girlfriend, he goes here there and everywhere when he wants while i struggle to get out sometimes on my own......

Sometimes i feel like he is doing me a favour babysitting when its his child, Does anyone know how to get over the anger of this situation? I love my little girl to death but he holidays and such when he has done so many bad things in his life,  has 3 other kids and he doesn't even see them.......(list is endless).

I dont want a bashing,  just support on how i can move on from the attitude of 'i do everything and he does nothing'......( he sees her every 2nd saturday) This eats at me all the time.......its so not fair and as nuts as this sounds he isnt someone i want in my house minding my little girl if i can help it (use him when i am desperate) two and a half yrs i can count on one hand the times he has minded her.........please someone advice.
by on Jan. 30, 2008 at 4:34 AM
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by on Jan. 30, 2008 at 5:09 AM
I know just how you feel.  My ex doesn't see my son at all and hasn't for over a year now.  At first I was so mad and maybe even a tad jealous that he got to go out and party and do whatever he wanted whenever he wanted and enjoy himself now that he was/is single.  I was always so pissed.  But then, I realized that even though I don't get all the freedom that he does, and that I don't get to live that care-free of a life, I lead the life with more rewards.  I get to be with my son 24-7 and I am there for all the firsts and milestones, I am the one shaping him into the child, teen, young man, and over-all the person he will become.  I am the one that he sees is there every day and all the time.  I hope that I can raise and teach my son not to be in any way like his sperm donor as I like to call him.  Eventually you'll come to this realization too.  It's ok to be mad and a bit jealous though.  It isn't fair and it just doesn't seem right, but you have to remember, and I hate to say it, but all in all you ARE the better parent because you can put those things aside and give up all that freedom for your child.  Remember that.  In fact, in your situation I would strongly suggest reading The Single Mother's Survival Guide by Patrice Karst.  That one is my favorite and another good book is The Single Mom's Little Book of Wisdom by Cassandra Mack.  Also, read the quotes I included, hopefully it will lift your spirits.


Single Moms---

The Forgotten Segment of Society


We sometimes feel invisible and alone. Instead of being praised,

valued, and respected, we seem to be put down far too often.


The truth is that we are courageous, strong, amazing women,

doing, in many cases, a job raising our kids that is better than some two

parent families. The struggles we endure on a daily basis, spiritually,

physically, emotionally, and financially, would weaken the

fittest of folk--and still we carry on.


We have the same hopes and dreams for our children as everyone

else and we will prosper and make our mark in history as the

brave women we are, instead of filling the job of

scapegoats for all of society's ills.



What Matters Is Love


No matter what you read or hear about the ill effects of children raised by single mothers, don't buy into it for a second. It is simply unfounded prejudiced, fundamentalist rhetoric, where the object is to guilt trip you. Sure, optimally and in a perfect world, we would have all liked to raise our kids with a wonderful, loving, available father. And sure, as a result of being single moms, we may not always have as much time, money, or three perfectly balanced hot meals every day as we would have liked.

But, you know what? What matters is love.

As long as our children are safe, fed, warm, joyful, and grow up knowing we love them unconditionally, they will be luckier, healthier, and happier than most. Don't be a perfectionist.

Never let your ideals ever undermine your knowing that your children are doing great.

Love them. Love them. Love them.

Everything else will fall into place.

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