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Posted by on Jun. 1, 2007 at 11:06 PM
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I am 42 - (43 in 9 days)...I am nice looking, a little extra padding, not much...I have a 15 year old at home, a full time job, a car of my own and am the faithful, hardworking, teachable type...romantic and fun.
I met a man in February, spent 2 months flirting, 2 weeks getting to know him over dinner, he is a plumber...he fixed my sink (it took a while)...then one night...he decides to tell me he can't stand it...and kisses me.

Well, he was nicely built a little redneck/cowboy like....but, one thing led to another...I got the short end of that deal....
then...I get a phone call.....from a screamin b_tch....he is engaged!!!!!!!!!! And she found my number on his phone, and the card i sent him!

He never mentioned any woman in his life...never!! AARRGG! I cried for a week....6 years celibate, raising kids....and I get what seems like a good guy and a good chance...and I get douped (definitely didn't get screwed! He can handle things himself....apparently).

Wow! Big guys, with big feet and....and hearts the size of a puny little dried up raisin!

How do you know whether a guy is good, faithful and someone you want to take a chance on....???? I feel so naive!

Open to a lesson in and life. - everywomanscall
by on Jun. 1, 2007 at 11:06 PM
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by on Jun. 3, 2007 at 3:04 PM
Well I have learned not to expect much from guys.  That is when I get hurt the least.  There is definately no way to tell if a man is a good guy or a bad guy.  Instinct is always key.  Right now I am involved with a man I know is bad.  I wonder if that is why its so easy.  There is no emotional attachment.  At least I can understand the fact that he is a not much of a real man.  And I know it.  Hopefully one day the right one will walk by stop tell me how cute my son is and I will know that he is the one.  Unfortunately the right ones are the ones I never give the time of day.  Either way, I just wanted to let you know that I deal with these issues by expecting the worse...and calling him on it.  I always say things like this is exactally why I am not your seems to help to keep the negatives right in front of my face.  I don't know if this is much help, but I am at least relating to your post.  Stay strong girlie <3<3<3
by on Jun. 4, 2007 at 6:33 AM
How do you know if a man is for real?  I don't know, but at least you're out there trying!!  I too am 43 and the mother of a 15 year old.  For so many years, I just ignored that side of my life.  Just keep looking - and I applaud you for taking it slow to begin with. 
by Ruby Member on Jun. 4, 2007 at 2:20 PM
omg i totally realate. every guy i come across is a complete ass. i ask myself, is it me? i dont think it is. i am a strong woman, dont put up with much, dont even fall into the "sexy" talk. i dont even like to dress or act "Sexy" because i get enough unwanted attention as it is.

i just think that at our age (31 for me) if a guy is single there is a reason. they might say that about us but, at least i know what im not going to put up with lol.

i say take things SLOOOOOOWWW freakishly slow with any guy you meet that seems like he is worth anything. if they arent patient for it then you know what they wanted. i do have a little 23 year old "friend" i keep for when the BOB aint doing it but we both know it isnt going anywhere.
by on Jun. 4, 2007 at 2:42 PM

Hi Everywomanscall~
I'm sorry about your story.  You tried doing things the right way, so at least you know that in your heart.  I applaud you also for trying.  I am very down on love given my current situation - but the advice I would say is to really listen to the inner voice.  Call it what you will, your woman's instinct, your conscience, your gut instinct - but LISTEN to it.  Try not to listen to your heart.  We women seem to do that too much, I know I do.  I wouldn't be where I am today if I had followed my head and not my heart.  LISTEN TO YOUR INSTINCTS!!!  And try not to be like me, super down on men/love - hopefully I'll snap out of it, but without trusting it's a real uphill battle.  I need to follow my own advice, huh?!  Keep us posted.  :))

by on Jun. 4, 2007 at 4:07 PM
Hi ya~

   Your post really touched my heart and I wanted to write and say, "I hear ya and I can relate!" The dating 'experts' always say to be open to meeting someone new, especially when you're 'out and about'.    

   So this year, I decided to follow the above advice.  I stopped actively looking for a guy and just went about my usual business. During the past 3 months, I have been 'hit on' by 2 nice looking men who seemed at first glance to be 'my type'.  Both men had good jobs, were in my age range and had children, and were very enaging when we ran into each other in a casual setting (WalMart and McDonalds for the record.)  Both men indicated they were divorced and neither of them wore a wedding band.  Upon checking them out and their story further (networking contacts, using "", as well as conducting a background check on them) I found out they were BOTH married!   I called them both out on it and refused to meet them for the lunch 'networking' date they had in mind.  Both seemed surprised at the lengths I had gone to in order to 'check them out.'  They both apologized for their deception yet seemed surprised that I did not want to spend anymore time with them, even on the phone.   I felt bad for their respective wives who may or may not be aware of their husband's flirtacious behavior.

   Bottom line~ I still wear my heart on my sleeve.  I still tend to believe someone at face value until such time as they prove they are not worthy.  I'm still a hopeless romantic and I firmly believe that "THE GUY" for me IS out there somewhere, hoping that there is still one nice, sweetheart of a gal left who hasn't been too jaded by men to be open to meeting HIM.  And I listen to my 'gut instinct' when it says, "something doesn't sound right here."  And most importantly, I pray and cry out to God to bring this special man into my life when the timing is right for BOTH of us.  I know that God has my best interest at heart and if that means I have to kiss a few toads or get my feelings or ego hurt a few more times before "THE GUY" for me shows up, then so be it.  I'm along for the ride as long as God is my Pilot!

   So hang in there and keep an open mind and an open heart~
Purple Star67~~
by on Jun. 5, 2007 at 2:49 PM
Hello! Get rid of your "bad guy" fast! I'm not sure in what ways he is no good or how long you've been with him-but I very recently figured out the simplest thing-don't waste another second of this life not being happy. I'm "detoxing" myself from an on-off relationship of 9 years, and he is'nt even the father of any of my kids. We went thru living together, him moving out, his rehab, blending our families, all this crap-life can be over in an instant-and if you're saying out loud that he's no good for you than you already know what you need to do. Sorry for the preaching, I'm still recovering and it stinks. Good luck!
by Ruby Member on Jun. 5, 2007 at 3:06 PM
me too... i know this sounds terrible, but at the first sign of drama i flee. i wouldnt give a squirt of piss for a man that drags me down in the slightest!! i was married to one already and i learned from that mistake!!!!
by on Jun. 6, 2007 at 7:12 PM

Dating is really tough.  I find that guys carry more baggage than women!  Single guys don't understand kids or they want to have many women to date.  Divorced guys over do the support for their exes and pretty much prositute their lives for their ex and child. I am all for a good dad..but spending all your time w/ your chlidren while your ex goes out and has a life....what gives?  These are the guys I have always landed. 

Ive dated for 1.5 years separation and am now divorced.  Ive met a lot of guys.  All kinds of stories. The best was the single guy who ended up married after 16 weeks of serious dating.  I googled him..and pulled up his wedding and all!  He had only been married 4 months!!!!

I just met what I think is the most decent guy Ive ever met in my life.  We are still in the whirlwind stage. I have no advice on dating..other than keep a sense of humor.  Meet guys casually at first.  Ask lots of ?s  If you suspect any shadiness.....turned to google and see what you find.  There are usually tell tale signs to something is when they can and cant call..what info they give and dont give..and when the can and cant see you.  BE SMART.  And knock on wood when you find the decent one!!

by Ruby Member on Jun. 6, 2007 at 7:58 PM
i feel you.. if i get suspicious IM OUT!!! lol
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