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Dating Again & Meeting his child?!?

Posted by on Jun. 5, 2007 at 7:36 PM
  • 12 Replies
Ive been dating for over a year now and just finally met a decent guy who I think things might be ok with.  I met his daughter..probably way too soon (after one week).  She is 9.  She was upset at first..and is slowly warming up (from what I hear since I havent seen her much again).  I have two boys, ages 8 and 4.5.  I would just like to hear from others on the topic of introducing your kids to someone you are divorce.  Ive been divorced since jan 2007 but separated since Nov 2005.  Is there any sound advice or good rule to follow?  Best way to talk to your kids about it before? 
by on Jun. 5, 2007 at 7:36 PM
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by Ruby Member on Jun. 5, 2007 at 7:41 PM
i dont know what to advise you. this is a sticky subject for me.

i dont like to meet any ones kid soon. and vise versa. but my boys are 9 and 12 and i waited too long to start introducing them to people and now they hate everybody i meet. i guess they are right though, i havent met any one good lol...
by on Jun. 6, 2007 at 6:53 PM
Its a new territory for me. I've never dated anyone long enough...or felt strong enough for meet the kids.  Im still thinking abt it from my far as my boys are concerned.  I really like this guy...but his daughter was a little not accepting when she met me.  I think she is getting better w/ the idea..but I wonder what the impact is on kids from a divorced situation.
by Ruby Member on Jun. 6, 2007 at 6:57 PM
well maybe it was a bit too soon for her. but just wait it out. dont be in a rush. on the other hand, talk about him to the boys just so maybe they can get used to the idea and then maybe they will WANT to meet him you know?
by on Jun. 6, 2007 at 7:15 PM
Good idea on talking  to my boys!  However, Ive NEVER talked abt dating to them.  Dont know where to begin.  Was going to talk to my 8 year old anyhow about this guy....asking if he would be ok meeting him sometime.
by Ruby Member on Jun. 6, 2007 at 7:53 PM
i say start mentioning him in passing. when they ask who he is, tell them he is a friend. then mention him a lil more and see if they ask to meet him. because if they think it is their idea it will probably go over better. also, dont be physical in front of the boys right away. let them meet him a few times first.
by on Jun. 7, 2007 at 4:38 PM
I would definately take it slow and easy,talk to the kids ahead of time over the course of several "mini-talks"(age appropriate of course) and try not to make a big deal out of it. It's hard to say when it's a good time-it can be just as hard on the kids if it does'nt work out and they get attached-I've been there. Good Luck!
by on Jun. 7, 2007 at 8:23 PM
I have been separted since 2001, divorced since 2005 and dating the same man for a year now.  My younger two boys (11 & 6) love him, but my oldest (15) hates him.  His girls - older than my boys - seem to be okay with me.  I think that meeting kids should be a gradual thing.  Start by mentioning his name and then little by little.  From what I have discovered, kids seem to think deep down that mom and dad might get back together.  Or if single along time, the oldest assumes the role of the parent that does not live there any longer.  Just take things slow and reassure the child that the other parent is not being replaced.  Hearts are big enough to love lots of people.  Does anyone have any suggestions about a 15 year old?
by on Jun. 8, 2007 at 11:46 PM
It is best not to rush introducing your children to someone you are dating until you know for sure this could be the one.  Do you really want your children to attach and bond with someone only for them to suffer another loss.  Suffering the loss duriong a divorce is hard enough.  Give yourself time  with a man, you don't need to be grieving another loss either.  Take things slow,  if he is someone who is really interested in you he will respect your decision. 
by on Jun. 17, 2007 at 5:13 PM
Hello again!

Well...since I met his daughter two weeks ago..I haven't been included in any of their time together. Perhaps my guy deep down felt it was too early and just is slowing it down. 

He is meeting my boys tonight.  I told them about it last night and they were very excited.  It will be 30 mins to an hour here at the house...nothing big.  I dont think meeting someone ..regardless..should be threatening.  I explained I would be having company and I let their little minds work the info out...who...his name...etc.  I told them Im dating him. And they seemed fine.  Im not rushing for us all to hang out together...just starting the process w/ a short meeting...casual....etc. 

I agree abt waiting until you think you are with the one. But I think any relationship can end..and waiting to be sure..there will never be a time Im completely sure someone wont leave.  Plus, we are very limited when  we can see each other because of our kids.  Hopefully this process will open up some options for us. 
by on Jun. 17, 2007 at 7:19 PM
Well I have been dating someone for a couple of months. And I have just met his children.  So I think that waiting alittle is good judgement. I let him met my children first only after a couple of weeks to see how he would interact with them. After I notice everything was going. We then we decided to introduce me to his and mine which was great. They all get along especially since we have 6 total.

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