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Hello - Here's my story

Posted by on Jun. 12, 2007 at 4:42 PM
  • 8 Replies

Hello everyone.  I'm in a bit of a struggle. I'm going through a divorce now and have 2 kids, 7 and 3.  My husband keeps coming in and out of my life asking for another chance. Everytime I even think about getting back together I always find a little lie or something that bugs me about him.  I get so hurt cuz I do really love him but I did put up with alot of shit while we were together. He never was a great father and now I think since we have separated he has changed on that end cuz he doesn't get to see them much.  I wanted the divorce cuz he was so selfish and just not there for me.  In Dec. I wanted to work things out but he had found another girl already who was 6 months pregnant.  So I went ahead a filed the papers.  I had to get a protective order on him so I would stop the harassing phone calls and get the marital home for me and the children.  In that time I did meet a great guy who has been there for me and even given me money when my husband gave me nothing.  He got an attorney and just screwed me in court and then expected me to get back with him to work everything out.  I'm very lost stuck between the two guys.  I do love my husband but has been very mean to me the last 6 months.  The guy I met is a very good father and is very supportive.  I'm very scared about going into the world alone and providing for my kids, for I have been a stay at home mother for 8 years.  Thinking that way I think I'd be going back for the easy way out and I don't want to end up where I am today.  I'm just lost!

by on Jun. 12, 2007 at 4:42 PM
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Replies (1-8):
faerie75
by Ruby Member on Jun. 12, 2007 at 6:02 PM
first, follow your instincts. if you feel its "not right", its not.

second, go buy ALL of mary j blige's cd's. she makes me feel strong just listen to her lyrics!

third, go join the "life after divorce" forum its on my page. most of those ladies are just going thru it right now and have alot of advice and sympathy.
shensley
by on Jun. 13, 2007 at 9:39 AM
Hey! First off I want to congratulate you for having the strength to leave him. Second, I want to tell you from what you say he doesn't deserve to have you ever again. Now, on the decision between the two guys, I would have to say, although the new guy sounds like he's a great guy, so is every guy in the beginning. My ex-hubby was a dream for the first 3 years, with the kids and all. Then the problems started. I missed early warning signs that now I can look back and see b/c I was so scared of being alone the rest of my life. I encourage you to try and have the strength to get yourself well before becoming involved in another serious relationship. I mean I go out on dates with people but with the understanding of no commitment. I think that the adult companionship is a good thing, but I think that it's best before becoming involved again to give yourself time to really heal and not be on the rebound or else your guard will never be fully aware and you will miss little warning signs..and then you will be in the same situation a few years down the road. Most counselors, books, and just from personal experience says that you should remain single (whether dating or not) for at least 2 yrs to give yourself time to heal and your instincts to return to normal. I wish you the best of luck in your decision and please only take this as advice, not a judgement. I love to chat and would love it if you wanted to add me as a friend. I also have yahoo messenger my id is sstewart133@yahoo.com . I hope to hear from you and best wishes hun! - Shannon
NORADORA
by on Jun. 13, 2007 at 6:53 PM
hi there, we seem to have similar stories, i have not met anyone new yet, but i separated recently and i know what its like to try to make it on your own, but i believe sometimes it is better to be alone than in bad company. and from what ur saying it sounds like you were not very happy, see with my ex he is a good dad to his son, but an awful husband, and he still says he wants to continue seeing me even though we are in different roofs now, i said i would try but i am not putting my life on hold for him, so if he is ot enjoying his single life, i will do the same, but my main focus now is me and my kids getting ahead, so i hope u make the right descision, and no one said it will be easy, bt you know it will be worth it...good luck
sandykf
by on Jun. 26, 2013 at 6:54 PM

In my opinion neither of these men are worth a dime. The husband is not going to change, no matter how wonderful you are men DON"T  change for us. The boyfriend is praying on your venerability. Why would any good man want a women who was married at the time their relationship started. Sorry to be so blunt but marriage is a commitment, you and your new man should never have started a relationship while you were married. Both of you have already proved to each other that neither of you are trust worthy. What kind of relationship can be built without trust?  I would go as far to say that 99% of relationships that begin this way do not work....and dragging your children through another relationship that is going to fail is wrong. Whats the matter with being a mom and concentrating on yourself and your kids for a while? I understand that you are probably lonely...Lonely is not bad if you are truly alone..but lonely really sucks when you are with some jerk that doesnt consider you for anything. There have been many many mothers that start working after a longer period than 8 years out of the workforce. It sounds like you are "settling" for men that are not really good men.. Take care of you and your children for a while...stop thinking you must have a man to survive. Wait till your heart and your head has healed..and you will meet someone who was very well worth the wait

Robsessed98
by on Jun. 26, 2013 at 7:18 PM
Welcome. You're the only one who can make that choice. Weigh the pros and cons of both for a clearer perspective, then follow your gut.
MochaBerry24
by on Jun. 26, 2013 at 7:34 PM

What is the problem? Seems like an easy choice to me..go back to the guy who treats you like crap and sucks as a father or move on to someone who treats both you and your children well. 

BeachMommy07
by on Jun. 26, 2013 at 9:06 PM

Wait your x got another girl pregnant while yall were still married? I'm sorry I"m tired  and may have not read that correctly.

steviechick
by on Jun. 27, 2013 at 10:47 AM

HI and welcome to the group.  It's hard to leave a relation when it goes sour.  I wish I had done that.

You deserve much better then what your stbx gave you.  I agree with others.  Get your life in order with divorce proceedings, either finding a new place to live or working out custody/cs with your stbx.  You are on a merry-go-round now.  Set priorities and then look into this new bf. 

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