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How should I feel and what should I do??

Posted by on Jun. 23, 2007 at 5:52 PM
  • 5 Replies
Ok the father of my baby left me for my best friend when I was 5 1/2 months pregnant. I'm now 6 1/2 months and he called me and asked me if we could still be friends and how he wants to be a part in his daughters life. When I still love him and it hurt so much just hearing his voice. He completely a banned me and my baby at a time I needed him the most. I really dont even know if I can be near him without breaking down. And he doesnt make the best decisons when it comes to drugs and drinking.

Should I just let him be in her life? even with his drugs and drinking problems?

How should I feel about this? I'm so confused, I'm so hurt and mad at him and yet I still love him?
by on Jun. 23, 2007 at 5:52 PM
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Replies (1-5):
jmill
by on Jun. 23, 2007 at 11:35 PM
He is her father no matter what, keep that first and foremost in your thoughts, and it's crappy what he did, I won't deny that, but he's still her father.  If he makes the decision to be in her life then she deserves that.  If you keep them apart she'll resent you in the long run.  Let it be him that severs the ties.  It hurts, and it will continue to hurt everytime you see him, with your ex friend, (atleast I hope you haven't forgiven her), or with anyone else.  But remember it is about the child, not your feelings.  As far as the drugs and drinking are concerned, you can have it so that the visitation with him are supervised, and limit the amount of overnights.  Maybe being forced to be a man will clean him up a bit, but I wouldn't hold my breath on that.  I'm sure alot of people will disagree with me, but I don't think that it's right to keep a child separated from any parent, unless there is abuse, when it comes to drinking and drugs and such you can have the court order that he have supervised supervision, and they will make sure he isn't under the influence of anything.  Best advice as far as that goes, though, GET A LAWYER.  When it comes to custody you cant' be too careful, and a lawyer will know how to make sure he's supervised while with your daughter.  Good luck!
Shel149
by on Jun. 24, 2007 at 9:20 PM
My son's father, we call him the donor (LOL)  Started dating one of our group of friends when I was about 5 months old and then denied that I was pregnant with his child.  So of course when he was born we had a paternity test which proved that he was indeed the father (donor)  He pays child support but does not want to be a part of his life.  Its sad because we both live in the same city and my son asks about his dad sometimes.  So if your guy wants to be involved try to get over your hurt. Let him be involved it doesn't mean that you have to be friends with him though.  Just be pleasant it will be better for your child in the long run.

Good luck its a tough road!
Shelly
Marcia01
by on Jun. 24, 2007 at 9:34 PM
This is your child's father and always will be no matter how you feel about him.  you have the right to feel hurt.  As far as him being involved in her life, 1st collect child support, let him have visits, supervised would be best especially with a drug and alcohol addiction.  I would not allow overnight visits as long as you know he is still using.  If the visits become a detrement to the child  re-evaluate the situation.
littlesqueaks
by on Jun. 24, 2007 at 9:51 PM
Very difficult situation that you have been put in. He is the father of this little girl you are carrying yet he has chosen to abandon you. You deffinantly have the right to be angry yet I understand how hard it is to throw out the feelings you once had for him. It is good, for the child sake, to maintain a friendly relationship with your EX so that there will not be any tension in the childs life. As for the drugs and alcohol you also have the right to monitor his visitation to where you can choose how much time he spends around her. If you see that there is a problem maybe you can try to talk to your Ex about your feelings towards his habits and how it could effect your child and how much time he gets to spend with her. Little personal story, my Ex is a drinker yet he gets the boys every other weekend but I told him there will be no drinking unless they are under the care of someone else or he won't get them and so far he has stuck with that because he knows how serious I am about it.  This is where your strength as a single mom will have to come in it is now the time to make decisions regaurding the safety and concern for your little girl. Good luck to you and just remember that you and your little girl are #1 now and the two of you are the most important.

Heather
NORADORA
by on Jun. 25, 2007 at 1:07 PM
wow sounds like we are in the same situation, i have a 2 year old and jsut recently separated from his father, his father is supposley a recovering addict, heroin at that...he keeps relapsing and that was the reason we had to separate, he never really gets clean, even though he says he is i can tell he is still using, my son spends time with him only because i dont want to hurt him by taking visitation away, i wont do that to my son, but i also worry all the time that he will end up using while my son is at his house and thats not good, i have also been thinking about supervised visitations, only because i never really know when he will use again, i worry for my sons safety, so i think supervised visitation would be best...good luck to you..
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