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its freakin terrifying-why are guys like this????!!!!1

Posted by on Jul. 6, 2007 at 1:05 AM
  • 11 Replies
ok so my daughters father, (left me when i was 2 months preg and is now wngaged to a girl 7yrs younger than him), well he refuses to pay child support anymore with some bogus accusation that i won't let him see the baby and that its my fault his parents have only seen her one time. i in the past have done nothign but beg for him to be a part of her life, i have since given up but will not ever keep him from seeing her.

but anyway im rambling well i finally went down to family court to fill out my petitions for custody as well as child support. in the past he has threatened so many thing about having her taken away from me, about custody, not paying, quitting his job,that he will get a good lawyer since i can't afford one,  make my mom lose her house, and so on.  it makes actually taking the step to do this so scary. i hate that he still has that kind of control.

i was just courious how many of you are going through similiar situations and how many of your BDs actually behaved this way and if they lashed out liek that once you finally went to court.
by on Jul. 6, 2007 at 1:05 AM
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Replies (1-10):
babyblue824
by on Jul. 6, 2007 at 1:26 AM

well i kinda can relate to what your goin thru...my BD was a complete a**, and at first he calle dme almost all the time to see his son, and i met him somewhere for about an hour or so so he could see him, and one of our meetings ended in a fight regarding me getting legal papers together about custody and he threatend me, try to talk a bunch of crap too. My lawyer told me to write a letter to the courts about why i was doing what i was doing and about what kinda person my ex was, so i did and unfortunately forhim it was all bad yet it was the truth. When he got the papers and read what i had wrote, he was pissed but he couldnt argue with it, well long story short he never got a lawyer, one cuz he had no money and two he knew as well as i did that no judge in their right mind would side with him.....so your ex can threaten you all he wants, just document every thing he says all the times you offered tolet him see his daughter and he never took it all that stuff goes against him not you and a judge will look at that and take that into account, and even if you go to court and they assign him child support, he either pays or he can get into trouble for not following court orders. Bottom line, do what you have to do, file those papers and protect yourself and your daughter. i hope i helped a little, im here if you want to talk.

Jamie

terkm
by on Jul. 6, 2007 at 4:59 PM

I can totally relate.  I have done everything that I can do to keep my BD in my sons life.  He has made the choice not to see or call his son.  He does not have any visitation rights as he chose not to show up in court.  Last summer after not having seen or talked to his son in over 2 years he had his family call to see if my son could spend the week with his dad.  I let him go because BD was staying at his grandmothers house and his half brother was going to be there.  After that he saw him a couple of times but we have not heard from him since Christmas.  What a loser!!
Since then I wrote him a letter and told him to decide if he wants to be a part of his sons life.  I told him that I would not take the blame for his choices and he is not going to hurt my child again. 
I do not have to let him see my child.  It is totally up to me. 
I have always taken my son to see his grandparents.  I get a few $$ a month in child support and that made him mad.  I refuse to be a part of his crazy life.

He got really mad when I took back to court for medical support.  What he pays me a month is not enough to even cover groceries. 

I think that many men threaten things that they never intend to do.  If they are not around now they do not want the child full time.  It is just a way to hurt and scare us. 
The courts will not just take your child away.  They may make you share custody or let the father have visitation.
Just keep your cool in court and let them know what and why you are asking for what you are.

Austinsmommy416
by on Jul. 6, 2007 at 5:02 PM
I can definetly relate.  I just went through this like 2 weeks ago.  I have a journal on my page entitled "Help" if you would like to read about what happened, I don't really want to write it all again, but if you ever need anyone to talk to about this, I am willing to listen and help as much as I can.

tylersmom13
by on Jul. 6, 2007 at 5:05 PM
HOLY SHIT?! what is his name.....cause if it is t.j......we have ALOT to talk about...haha. exact situation. i got really scared too. even though all the facts are RIGHT IN FRONT OF THE JUDGES FACE....im still nervous about what he is going say about me and what lies he will tell. we have a child suppost case on sept 26th....then im gonna let him be the one to start up the custody case. cause i doubt he will. gosh...let me know how everything goes.....cause i know EXACTLY what you are going through. when i read your blog....it was like reading what i could have said
Shelia1972
by on Jul. 6, 2007 at 5:06 PM
I have found since I have become a member here at Cafemom that there are so many other mothers here that are going through the same thing you are.  I had a good relationship as parents with my boy's father but when he moved another woman into his home with him.  She became very jealous because he has told me over and over he still loves me and that he would get rid of her.  So when he found out I was seeing someone and now we are engaged he is fighting me for custody on crazy allegations that are false.  So just be patient when he finds out he can't control you anymore things will get easier for you .
RICKI1984
by on Jul. 6, 2007 at 5:08 PM
my bd has acted the same way but there is nothing that he can due cause he has no rights to her for other reasons. he has threated so many things but i still havnt kept her from him and he chooses not to see her and doesnt pay anything. i think he sent me 50.00 one time and that was in march and then it stopped but his dad sees her whenever he is in town and every new pic i have of her i send to him and he is always asking me if she needs anything and if she does just le him know and hell get it. i dont understand how such a good man could have such a retarded son. since me and his son have split he has stopped talking to his son because of what his son did  and how he is now acting and i guess told his son that he raised him better than that and that he is extreamly disappointed in him and i guess they havnt talked since. my daughter is the only grandchild and her dad is the only child so at least he still has his granddaughter.
jmill
by on Jul. 6, 2007 at 5:50 PM
I'm totally there with you.  My ex threatened all those things, and more.  When I filed for divorce/child support, he claimed he was "forced" to take a pay cut.  He went from making 96k a year, to 36k a year.  He's left me with around 10k i  medical bills and even before his "pay cut" refused to help me pay them.  In our recent visit to the court, he said he would take them the first saturday of the month which would be tomorrow, he informed me this afternoon that he will not be able to accomidate that.  All I can tell you to do, is just keep moving on, eventually you will have to take him to court, and I can tell you from expierence I wish I would have done it sooner.  If he does what he says he's going to do, then you will have to make the adjustments to your life as needed.  Talk to family about finding a lawyer, and there are some places that specialize in helping lower income people.  I tried going pro-se and it was a nightmare...Good luck if you ever need to chat send me a message.
-j-
alinkaylebsmomm
by on Jul. 6, 2007 at 6:20 PM
 THIS IS EXACTLY WHAT I AM GOING THROUGH WITH MY SONS FATHER. WE HAVE BEEN IN COURT 3 TIMES 2 TIMES REGARDING CUSTODY/VISITATIONS/SUPPORT, 1 TIME REGARDING THE DIVORCE (WHICH WAS FINALIZED JUNE 13TH). I FILED A FORM CALLED AN ORDER TO SHOW CAUSE(CA) AND TEMPORARY ORDERS BECAUSE HIS MOTHER CALLED ME 2 WEEKS AGO AND SAID HE WAS DOING DRUGS AGAIN. UNFORTUNATELY HIS MOTHER HAS NO BACK BONE AGAINST HIM AND SHE WAS NOT GOING TO ALLOW HIM TO COME BACK, BUT HE WAS BACK WITHIN 24 HOURS. HIS SISTER AND HER 3 GIRLS ARE WIHT ME BECAUSE THEY HAD NO OTHER PLACE TO GO AND SHE WANTED TO KEEP HER GIRLS AWAY FROM THE BASTARD! 
 I REQUESTED THRU THE COURTS THAT THEY GIVE ME TEMP. PHYSICAL CUSTODY AND CARE OF MY SON AND SUSPEND ALL VISITS. WELL MY MOTHER PICKED UP THE PAPERS YESTERDAY AND I GOT WHAT I REQUESTED. HE HAS NO RIGHTS AT THIS POINT. EVEN THOUGH IT IS HARD I AM GLAD THAT I AM PROTECTING MY SON FROM ANY DANGER THAT HE COULD PUT MY SON IN. READ MY POST ABOUT ME! IT WILL GIVE YOU A LITTLE MORE BACKGROUND.

GOOD LUCK! AND STICK WITH IT!
KELLY

xxm0mm130f0n3xx
by on Jul. 6, 2007 at 6:22 PM

Sounds exactly like my situation! :(

 

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faerie75
by Ruby Member on Jul. 6, 2007 at 7:21 PM
pretty much ALL baby daddy's act like that. maybe 5% don't. something about having to give us money and not control what exactly we spend it on seems to rankle them.

it doesnt matter if you have a lawyer and he does. the lawyer can't go into mediation with you, at all. and thats where you get together with the mediator and figure out when he's gonna get visits and after that they calculate the percent of time he spends with the kid to figure support. make sure you have documented his LACK of seeing her. and don't give in when he asks for half. because his lawyer will advise him to get half to reduce his support payemnts, trust that.

in conclusion, if you have no criminal record, hell even if you DO and there is nothing on it regarding child abuse, he cannot take your kid from you, especially if she has primarily lived with you all her life. not even if you're on aid. so don't let him scare you. tell him to f#*& off and change your number. there is no reason to try and negotiate with him any more.
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