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So I need some advice or just someone...

Posted by on Jul. 6, 2007 at 9:53 AM
  • 6 Replies
to tell me they know how I feel...here goes...I am in the process of going through a divorce and feel good that this is the step that I am taking.  I found out several months ago that my husband (i like the word ex much better though) has been doing drugs for some time know.  He has recently (in the past 2 months) gone through a rehab program and states that he is clean, however even though he probably is clean he still has this crappy attitude.  In the past couple of weeks I have had to limit the contact with him to pretty much nothing because it never went anywhere.  I realized that he was only going to do what was right only when he thought that it was going to go somewhere with him and I.  He has visitation (supervised by his mother, which is court ordered) with Jakob every Thursday from 5 to 8 and every other Sunday from 10 to 6.  He agreed to this as well and it has been going on for about 4 to 6 weeks now.  However, every time it comes time for him to get Jakob he is either running late or his mother is not there to supervise and it messes everything up.  Last Sunday I took him over there and his grandmother was going to supervise instead of his mother because she supposedly had a funeral to go to.  Once again when I dropped Jakob off  no one was there to supervise.  So I went ahead and left Jakob there and called 10 minutes later to see if they showed up and it hit the fan from there...he proceeded to tell me that he could get his other son and take him whenever he wanted and if I didn't think he was sober I could just come back and get Jakob and blah, blah, blah...so that's what I did.  As I came back to pick Jakob up he proceeded to scream at me while I was putting him in his car seat, he was telling me he was going to pray for me and kept quoting me the serenity prayer.  The whole time I just kept buckling Jakob's car seat and tried to remain calm while Jakob just sat there and stared at his dad (does that tell you anything?).  So since then my lawyer and I agreed that my mom should drop Jakob off last night for his visitation just to give me a break...same thing happened.  My mom dropped Jakob off at 5 and Michael never showed up til 6:30!  DId I mention that his visitation is over at 8, that gave him a whole hour and a half with his son.  I'm almost done I promise...In the course of all this I keep getting these crazy text messages one right after the other saying 'some people are sicker than others'...not sure what that means yet, doesn't sound good though.  I either respond with nothing or tell him not to text me anymore, neither works!
I am basically just so frustrated and mad that I have to give my son to this crazy dumba$$.  It saddens me to know that he will have an influence over my son's behavior.  I have always been the one to take care of Jakob even when we were married.  I was the one who took him to and from school, doctors appt., fed him, took care of him when he was sick, even when I was sick.  I'm just pissed and stressed out all the time about this.  Not to mention, no child support!
by on Jul. 6, 2007 at 9:53 AM
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Replies (1-6):
amom4lifewa
by on Jul. 6, 2007 at 11:49 AM
First of all, I would file for a temporary child support order while you are getting divorced. Second, I would keep a written journal of ALL of this. Every time he is late. Every time his mom is not there to supervise. Every time he harrasses you via phone/txt messages. Third, if his mother is not there to supervise, or he is not there at the time stated in the court order, do not leave your son. I would show up on time and give him 15 minutes to have both himself AND his mother there. If not then I would get in my car and go back home.  Big ((HUGS)) to you. Its not easy I know, but stand your ground you will be so glad later that you did!
skyad109
by on Jul. 6, 2007 at 11:53 AM
I'm keeping everything logged down and will definitely not leave jakob again without anyone being there.  That was my mistake.  I also keep everything logged down as far as the text messages go as well.  I jsut pray that it all turns out in my favor!  Thank you so much for the reply. 

Oh, and I haven't filed for child support cause I know I won't get anything...that is such a long story in itself that the money is the least of my worries...what I really wish is that he would just walk away!
jadedlily321
by on Jul. 6, 2007 at 3:43 PM

Wow, isn't it funny how us girls pick such winners!? I am pretty much in the exact same boat although I didn't marry my daughter's father. He too has a drug problem and can't make up his mind whether or not his family or his drugs are more important...so I decided for him and kicked his A$$  out! I agree with the previous post that you need to keep record of all the crazy stuff he does & especially the crazy stuff he pulls in front of your son. Kids don't need to experience what we are put through, its hard enough on us! You are in my prayers and I hope everything works out for you! Stay strong!!

RICKI1984
by on Jul. 6, 2007 at 4:20 PM
you should go after temerary child support wich you can get through child support services and if he still doesnt pay then you can report it and he can go to jail then i would start saving everything he writes you or any kind of proof that he is doing all this and take it to court again to try and get the judge to keep him from seeing your son at all untill he can grow the hell up and clean up his act. but thats just my opinion.
alinkaylebsmomm
by on Jul. 6, 2007 at 7:09 PM
 AS HARD AS IT IS IT WILL ALL BE WORTH IT IN THE END! I AM IN THE SAME SITUATION, AFTER A LONG DRAWN OUT DIVORCE AND CUSTODY BATTLE. MY EX WHO I THOUGHT HAD BEEN CLEAN, ACTUALLY WASNT. 2 WEEKS AGO I GOT A CALL FROM HIS MOTHER SAYING THAT HE WAS DOING DRUGS AGAIN AND HE WAS KICKED OUT AND HE WOULDNT BE BACK. BUT SHE WANTED TO BE ABLE TO KEEP THINGS THE WAY THAT THEY WERE NOT KEEPING MY SON FROM THEM. I TOLD HER THAT I WOULDNT KEEP HIM AWAY BUT I DIDNT WANT HIS FATHER TO BE AROUND. SHE PROMISED ME THAT HE WOULDNT. THAT WAS ON SUNDAY ON MONDAY HE WAS ALREADY BACK AT HER HOME AND HIS SISTER WHO HAS 3 GIRLS WAS OUT WITH ME AND MIL WONT TALK TO ME OR HER OWN DAUGHTER. COME TO FIND OUT WHEN IN HAWAII ON A FAMILY VACATION HE GOT MAUI WOWI WITHIN 4 HOURS OF THE PLANE LANDING AND OVERDOSED ON IT. HE SPENT 4 DAYS IN THE HOSPITAL RUING THERE FAMILY VACATION. HE TRIED TO CUT OF HIS HAND IN FRONT OF HIS 3 NEICES AND THE NEW GF (WHO IS PREGO WITH HIS BABY) AND HER SON. COPS CALLED, EVERYTHING. HE HAS MANY PSYCHIATRIC ISSUES, TO SAY THE LEAST. HE TO HAS SPENT TIME IN REHAB (ALL CHRISTIAN, NOT AGAINST IT, BUT GOD ISNT THE ONLY ONE WHO CAN CHANGE). WE HAVE HAD YELLING MATCHES AND HE HAS PRAYED FOR ME ETC.

IN LIGHT OF THE NEW INFORMATION I HAVE SINCE FILED A TEMPORARY ORDER (CALLED AND ORDER TO SHOW CAUSE), AND THE JUDGE SIGNED IT. NO VISITS OR RIGHTS UNTIL COURT DATE A MONTH AWAY. FROM MY UNDERSTANDING THERE IS A 15 MIN RIGHT IF HE ISNT THERE AND NEITHER IS IS MOM THEN YOU AN LEAVE. MY SON WAS SUPPOSED TO HAVE HIS VISIT LAST WEEK AND THE PAPERS HADNT BEEN RETURNED SIGNED BY THE JUDGE. I STILL DIDNT LET MY SON GO. I KEPT HIM I HAD TO SPEAK WITH THE SHERIFF THAT HE BROUGHT WITH HIM TO PICK UP MY SON AND HE BASICLY SAID HE WOULD DO WHAT I WAS DOING AND THAT HE WOULD JUST MAKE A POLICE REPORT SAYING THAT HE WAS UNFIT TO HAVE HIM FOR THE WEEKEND. SO I THINK ALL IS WELL.

GOOD LUCK AND IF YOU NEED ANY ADVICE HIT ME UP.

P.S EVEN IF HE DOESNT PAY YOU CHILD SUPPORT YOU SHOULD STILL GET THE ORDER THAT WAY IF HE DOES HAPPEN TO START WORKING HE WILL HAVE TO PAY YOU BACK. I HAVE HEARD OF INSTANCES WERE SINCE HE IS LIVING WITH HIS PARENTS THEY INCOME GOES OF THEM AND THEY START TAKING IT FROM THEM. YOU DESERVE IT! I USED TO BE THE SAME WAY BUT I LEARNED MY LESSON. IT'S HIS SON, AND HE NEEDS TO PAY!
All4Zoe
by on Jul. 9, 2007 at 12:45 PM
I totally agree with the other girls on this. If you ever need to talk or vent...any of you..... please feel free to email @ czforrester2@yahoo.com. I am going through a divorce after 1 year 1 mth of marriage (together 3 1/2 yrs) and we have an almost 2 yr old daughter. I found out that everything he told me about his life was a lie and greatly exaggerated. I found out that I married a fraud and he prayas on women who will feel sorry for him. He was adopted and has no other family except 2 sons (13 & 6) from his 1st marriage. He hasn't been totally honest with me about anything. His temper, rage and anger had become much worse. 1 month ago, he almost beat my father to death in front of our 23 mth old. She is so traumatized by it. I filed for divorce and a restr. order the next day. I am just in total shock and am so devastated. He wanted visitation w/our daughter but she is included in the protection order and he says he can't afford to pay me child support until the divorce is final. I am req. that he sign over all rights to her in the divorce. I have seen how he treats his other 2 and I don't want my baby being subject to that. He even ask...through his Atty....that I drop the divorce! He isn't even divorced yet and already has a posting on several internet dating sites stating that he is dvcd 6 yrs w/3 kids....ughhhhh HELLOOOO!!! He is dvcd from his 1st wife 6 yrs...2nd wife 5 yrs and not even dvcd from me yet!!! He is a total bastard! Why am I so gulible! He never had anything in his name...it was all in mine and I found out that this is how he operates! Well, I had his truck re-po'd and now the Harley...HAHAHA!!! He wiped out every penny in our bank acct and left me nothing...so he will have nothing!! If you ever need to talk please holler at me. I am in the same boat and don't really ahve anyone to talk to that knows or understands. Stay strong for your little one and just pray! Sorry to be so long and vent but it's been throbbing in my head for a month now--lol! Take care!

Christie
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