Yesterday, my husband moved out.
We've been married for a little over 4 years (together for a total of 6). We had our girls pretty close together. My oldest will be 3 in September and my youngest will be 2 in December (lol, they're 15 months apart).
Anyway, back to topic...
My husband and I have had a rocky time for the past 2 years and probably before, I just didnt see it. We've talked about seperating before (not in depth), it was usually during an arguement. A few times, he packed up and went but for whatever reason, he always came back. This time, he knows he's to get a job and a place and be an adult for once in his life.
Over the course of the past 2 years, Ive graduallly become more and more angry as we drifted apart. Now we hardly talk about more than the kids. He never asks about me. All he talks about is his work, his music and such and Im tired of talking about that. After the kids go to bed, I work on my business, of which he knows practically nothing about and he doesnt ask. But I needed something to do for me. We used to play a game of scrabble, but even then his eyes were glued to the TV.
Consequently, our sex life has gone down the drain to the point where I dread the attempt. Things just got more tense from there. Plain and simple, we just werent happy.
Then Sunday morning I woke up and thought "I couldt divorce you and be okay." And that left me with a newfound confidence. I think even he noticed it in me because this time, he left amicably and aware that this time, it was for real.
He called this morning and is saying all the right things that I hate to hear because I know its smoke up my a$$ (sorry). Seeing is believing this time. He's not coming back.
I know we (the girls and I) will be okay. I make enough to make ends meet; I'll just have to rebudget a little. We'll have to stay home more and do things like walks and trips to the park and things like that. Austin has a great list of places where kids eat free... I can definitely do some of those to make a boring week more fun for them.
The thing that bothers me is I wasnt prepared to feel so sad. I just want to cry all the time. Of course I dont, until the girls are asleep. But my mom called and I couldnt hold it back. They saw mommy crying. My little one said "Mommy's crying" and gave me a hug. I was a little older than she is when my parents divorced and I have memories. I wonder what she will remember of this.
It feels really surreal right now. Im glad to find a few groups and friends right now. I can definitely use em.