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The father of my child or the new guy?

Posted by on Jul. 10, 2007 at 7:21 PM
  • 8 Replies
I am sooooo stressed out. My sons father and I were  a somewhat high school thing. I was a junior, he was already graduted but in town ( doing nothing) We dated about 2 1/2 yrs, I had our son less than an year after graduating. We broke up when our son was 3 months old, he's almost 6 now. Our relationship was never healthy or adult like, it was more clueless  teenage sex,  him cheating and lying and my wating by the door.We went off and on for years, never officially getting back together. The problems were always till there.  Problem is Ive been dating someone for about a year and a half now. He is literally the epitomy of what a women says she wants. He 's sweet, caring, loving, attentive, giving.. never asks for a thing in return, supportive, repsonsible, secure and whatever else. He never fails to show my son and I attention or love. He spoils the crap out of us both like we were rare gems or something. He's great. He even rubs my back every day. I mean everyday for the last year and  a half. I trust him whole heartedly with me, and with my son. He's never called me a name or talked down to me...But in the back of my mind Bryce's dad is still there. Tearing at my heart like he always has. He's a good guy, he's been a good father physcially and emotionally. He loves his son more than anything. Tho he is irresponsible, still mean when he's angery ( name calling, down talking, a lot of cusing. Never anything physical. Im not peach either tho ) he never has a steady job, he's twenty six and his girlfriend, whom he lives with, just turned 18 for petes sake. He's a mess. But my heart still holds on. He has a beautiful side to him. Can a person change? It doesnt seem he has but he begs for the chance to prove it to me he has changed.( he's said that before, but he's older now. We arent kids anymore ) How do I let go so I can love someone else with all my heart, b/c rite now I cant. I cant let him go and I dont want to hurt my current man and I dont think I want to lose him  either ,he's so amazing but I just cant decide. Can you really get over someone you loved for so long and who fathered your only child? I feel like Im doomed to never get over him so I should just be with him. Is it guilt? Is it b/c I want it for my son? Do I still love him? Is it worth trying? Am I nuts? Arrrrg! Any advice?
by on Jul. 10, 2007 at 7:21 PM
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Replies (1-8):
Tigger420
by on Jul. 10, 2007 at 7:40 PM
Take a look again at the post that u wrote.  You never say anything bad about ur current bf and u have a whole list about ur ex.  I think u have already made ur decision ur just scared to let go.  I think that u should stay with ur current bf and let the ex go.  Im have the same problem until my ex opens his mouth then i remember why i left him!!! Its hard to let go but im sure its the best.
TSPMommy04
by on Jul. 11, 2007 at 12:29 PM
There will always be some type of love for him because he is your childs father, but don't give this new guy up for your x. He might just end up hurting you in the long run and you will regret it. He sees you have your act together and have moved on and wants to come back. Seriously some guys change and some don't. It sounds like this new guy is great to you take that chance and fall in love with him.
CJP4105
by on Jul. 11, 2007 at 12:54 PM

my son's dad is the same way as your's is.  I do have a great man in my life now, and the way i deal with it is just keep thinking about what your ex did to you and what your new man is doing for you.  which would you rather have?  I also think you've already made up your mind.  keep going with your guy now, he sounds like a great guy that cares about you and your son.  good luck!

jmontena
by on Jul. 11, 2007 at 1:00 PM
I couldn't agree more...go back and read your post as if you didn't write it. The answer is right there in front of you!!!


Quoting Tigger420:

Take a look again at the post that u wrote.  You never say anything bad about ur current bf and u have a whole list about ur ex.  I think u have already made ur decision ur just scared to let go.  I think that u should stay with ur current bf and let the ex go.  Im have the same problem until my ex opens his mouth then i remember why i left him!!! Its hard to let go but im sure its the best.


mamadukes8404
by on Jul. 11, 2007 at 1:21 PM
sweetie, think long and hard. I had to make a simliar choice. are you in love with his father as a person and a mate or are you in love with the idea of the all american happy family where the man mommy is married to is daddy and there's no question about how much they love each other? If he's a great father then you're lucky b/c that's more than alot of single moms can say. Your son deserves a male role model of how to treat a woman and it doesn't sound like he'd get that from his dad, plus you have some one who adores you inspite of an annoying "baby daddy" b/c that's a lot of baggage for someone outside of the situation. I understand you're struggle but to me that sounds like a good problem to have.
tsprincessof3
by on Jul. 11, 2007 at 1:52 PM

 you will always love him but you have to let him go ....you just have to...your happy and thats the way it should be=)..i hope after my divorce i can find somebody who treats me good and makes me happy...even though i know i will always have love for my husband we had a life together and 2 great boys and he father my oldest even though he wasn't his..so we have 3 great boys together..but for your sake and for your happiness let him go.

brymom
by on Jul. 11, 2007 at 3:23 PM
Thank you so much ladies! Its so hard. I think way deep down I know I wouldnt be happy. But I do love my ex in ways... I guess as bryces dad and as a person. I would never want him hurt or unhappy. But at the same time i get a huge lump in my throat at the thought of my current guy leaving. Did I menion he even invited my sons father onto his softball league so that they could get to know each other and so the ex can see he loves bryce just as much as the father and I do.  He even had beers with him after games! And when my ex professsed his love to me anyway ( again ) the current guy said he trusted me, if the ex wanted to still play ball it was okay with him, it wasnt good for my son if they got into it and it was only about my sons well being no one else and he just felt betrayed. That was it! It could have turned ugly but he didnt let it. My guy really is a good man and he is three or so years younger than my ex and about a year and a half younger than me. You guys are right. I know you are... its just a matter of taking action and allowing myself to love someone else after all this time... thanks again. Any more advice is suuuurely welcom!
jmontena
by on Jul. 11, 2007 at 8:39 PM
I sounds like you have a really great guy! I hope some day I will find someone like that to have in my life! Any man who can try to get along with my ex is going to get extra brownie points from me!

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