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Neep outside veiw

Posted by on Jul. 10, 2007 at 9:41 PM
  • 3 Replies
So me and my ex boyfriend have three kids all together (his, mine, and ours). We have been together for 3 1/2 years. That entire time he has been an alcholoic and slightly abusive (never the kids but I'm sure it still effects them). Any ways may of this year i had enough and we broke up, he has since stopped drinking completely (i know its hard to believe but he's doing great and has changed in many ways) I know I'm not in love with him anymore, but since the break up and his changing he is a great person and very supportive. We still live together due to financial situations (I'm moving out next month). However we have been getting along great for about a month now and say i love you to each other. I'm just scarred to love him again I'm afraid of things going back or just not being what i want. My other problem here is i have a friend from high school who i just found again. He is everything i have ever wanted in a man (husband, father, partner). He could give me everything i have ever wanted and wants to. He understands my situation right now and gives me the space i need to get things figured out. But i don't have a strong attraction to him (hes very good looking i just don't really feel anything). Is love something you feel from the start or can it grow? Is living with out that strong feeling worth having everything ive ever wanted. ?s giving my ex another chance another bad mistake?(i've made a lot and don't want to any more its gonna start effecting my kids) I just need some one who's not in my life or circle to give me their opinion.

by on Jul. 10, 2007 at 9:41 PM
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Replies (1-3):
Peggy1984
by on Jul. 11, 2007 at 1:28 AM
Wow,that's a tuff one. We all want to be in love, but security is nice, too. You've got some serious soul-searching to do. It's hard to trust again after being hurt. How long has your guy been sober? Everyone says "once an addict..." but I personally belive people can change. I happen to be looking for security in my life right now-not necessarily given up on love but I'm just being practical. But I can't speak for you. I know that does'nt answer your question,but I wish you the best of luck.
TSPMommy04
by on Jul. 11, 2007 at 12:05 PM

I think when you love someone you will know if it's at the start or as you grow. Think about you and your kids would you really want to put your kids back threw all the things you guys had experience or would you like to move on and make your life happy and better for you and your children

jcochr00
by on Jul. 11, 2007 at 5:24 PM
Okay 1) If the attraction is not there now, it never will be. I dated the nicest guy on the planet for a little while. He was sweet, understanding, generous, and truly cared for my kids. I just couldnt get into him. I felt really bad, but it was like dating a brother or something (gross).

2)You say you already have one kid from a previous relationship, as well as one child that belongs to the man you live with. So, you already know how hard it is to blend families. It has been a real pain blending my two children with my fiances one child. Thats excluding the grown up assimilation. If the father of one of your children is making a real effort to straighten up, AND if you feel like you can ever forgive him, maybe its worth a shot.

Alcohol is a tricky thing to deal with. Maybe you could show your support by going to AA meetings with him or something? It helps to know that there are people who are looking out for you.

You need to ask yourself if you can ever forgive him. If you are telling him you love him again because you really do, or to keep the household peaceful until you leave. Have him watch the kids for a day while you take time to relax at the library, or in the bath, or out in the woods...whatever you find relaxing and safe. Take that day and think about how you really feel about him.

Also, you cant start a new relationship on dirty grounds. If leaving is what you decide to do. If you are still with this man, no matter how iffy it may be, you need to break it off and figure out what is going on with you before starting something new.
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