Now it's my turn to vent (about daddy)

[Jesstsilly]

This is going to be long...sorry.  I just need to vent.  To get  started, I am a single sahm to a 15 month old little girl.  Her daddy lives in another state and visits every few months.  We have had many troubles and disagreements.  We lived in a duplex for the 1st 5 months of her life and the last couple were really hard since I was not working and her daddy was not helping much.  She has never taken to a bottle or a binkie and until recently would not go to anybody for any length of time which made it real hard for me to go back to work.  Had I known then what I know now I would have done things differently.  Can turn back time tho.  Anyways, he moved us into the house that he grew up in (still in his dads name, but he pays the taxes & ins).  He has been paying child support since last Oct (and a some prior to that, but not much).  She was starting to get much better with other people until he came up this last time.  Now I need to work with her all over.  Hopefully this time won't be long.  He has never been around kids much at least not baby/toddlers and doesn't have a clue.  No matter how hard I try.  He is not a communicator at all he has a lot of anger.  I won't even go into that, since it's not completely relevant.

 We got into it a little this last visit over something totally dumb.  My daughter is teething and also just started a new whine (of all times), so she was a bit cranky and he did not like that.  He feels it is just her and that no other baby does this.  He was okay with her the 1st evening he was here and the next morning, but after that it all went down hill fast.  After we got into it, we didn't talk the rest of the night, but he was semi okay the next day after he went fishing and took an afternoon nap.  However, he would not even attempt to hold our dd the next day (his last night in town)  even when she had her arms out to him (which rarely happens) and called his name.  Granted she may not have gone to him for long or might have even changed her mind if he went to take her, but at least he could have tried.  Those times are the best chances he has of bonding.  What he doesn't get is that had she changed her mind and wanted mama again,  as long as he gave her back she would be more willing to try to go to him again.  He doesn't like that all he hears her say is mama, even tho I tell him that she not really calling me but my breast.  When she is hunger (and tired) she says mama for the breast.  She didn't start calling me mommy until just a couple days ago.  Btw, she has a huge vocabulary, she just clams up when he is here.  Well that's that little bit.

Now I just found out tonight that he was talking to my best bud and told her that he is going to quit paying child support (not court appointed) in Aug/Sept.  Which will really suck.  I am looking to go back to work part-time, but if I have to pay for childcare (won't take her to daycare), then I don't know how I will do it.  I know I will manage somehow.  He also told her that I should not be b/f'g her anymore and that I need to wean her (that's not going to happen for a while).  He also told her that he would rather put me in an apt and rent out this house (which he ONLY got because of our dd).  I am so close to just taking her and moving back in with my stepdad (mom's passed), only the house is empty right now, and I won't live there alone (it's been broken into).  He keeps throwing up what I told him when I found out I was prego "you don't have to be a part if you don't want to", only he chose to, so does he have the right to keep throwing that up in my face.  Ugggggh! 

Sorry this is so long, I just had to get it out there and vent.  I'm so confused and shaking.  I hate confrontation and he doesn't know who to talk civil, he only yells and calls me names.  Not to mention, he only hears what he wants to and screw the rest. 

 If you are still reading, again.....sorry so long and thank you for reading my vent. 

[KKAmom]

First, let me say how sorry I am that you are going thru this drama with the father of your child. It is hard enough to be  a single parent but the other parent not helping constructively..... it can be even harder. What I think you need to remember and I had to myself is that seeing his child is a privilege. He needs to treat it as important. He can't just be a maybe in her life. A half-assed dad is more detrimental then no dad. You need to remind him again that he needs to make his time productive with her since he gets so little. Additionally, and this part sucks, you are most likely going to have to file for court ordered child support. He does not have the option to pay or not pay. This is not his credit card or some other bill. She was made by you both and should therefore be supported by you both.

[Rebecca32]

 Let me just say I'm sorry  that your going through   the b/ s .   He's not important. I would bring it to court. You didn't make her by yourself.  If you have to go back to work, you should check  with the state to see if they will pay for child care or partical payment, your  a  income single parent. I'm sure they have that kind of help where your from.

[Jesstsilly]

Thanks mom's.  Looks like I might have to take him to court now.  He just informed me yesterday that he's cutting us of as of Aug and that I need to go back to work FT (might I add, with no help for daycare).  He has to buy a boat and pay taxes and house ins, which he claims will be around $6000 (funny how it double from last yr).  Apparently, he can't afford a boat, pay house cost (no mortgage) and pay us the $500/mo.  Oh, and the add'l cost to have the house put in his name.  If I do go to court, I think I'll wait till it is in his name and then do it.