Dating Again...Woes

[Single_Mom67]

I am a balanced, divorced woman who has been doing the dating game dance for quite some time now.  I met a guy who has a almost 10 year old daughter.  This is his first "serious" relationship since his divorce three years ago.  I use the term "serious" lightly because in reality I dont think its serious. 

Down to the nitty gritty of my woes.  I am the first person his daughter has met.  I am not insensitive by any means.  But I have seen her about 7 times now.  She tells her dad it is ok if I come along with them..IF he doesn't kiss me.  Ok..how sweet.  I talked to him about this and told him she needs to understand that hand holding and an occassional kiss is acceptable behavior for people in love.  (She knows her dad loves me).  He allows her to call these shots, and when together, he literally avoids me like the plague.  If he even comes near me...its fast..and its behind her back..and he has one eye on her.  If she catches him kissing me..she says.."I saw that"  To make this matter worse, he has her five days a week because her own mother is a loser obviously.  I rarely get any time w/ him...and alone time is rare.  So, as you can imagine...when I see him I want to hug him. ..be near him...hold his hand. 

The greatest issue I think is him.  His inability to understand she is controlling him...or him allowing it if he does understand.  Would you be offended?  I really am. I feel unloved...unwanted...and REALLY not a priority.

Please comment..Id love to know what you think!

[sofia0511]

Yes I do understand and you are right, she is controlling him and it seems that he is afraid to get close to you because of his daughter.   I have been on the dating scene for a while too, some the men that I meet, sometimes is not my cup of tea.   How long you been divorced?  I have since 1999.

[Single_Mom67]

Ive been divorced since January but dating since my separation in Nov 2005.  I was emotionally removed from my ex for years...so I was ready to find someone to share life with.  It has been so hard..and this guy Ive found..I thought was the one.  It was the closest thing to love at first sight (which I dont believe in).  I am really really upset and sad that these issues are in this relationship. Ive never dealt w/ this before in other relationships...bec Ive never cared so much for the person.  I think its all about this guy having his first serious relationship...and life having always been just he and his daughter. He doesnt know what to do or how to do it. And unfortunately, he doesnt think he is doing anything wrong bec its what he has done for so long.  Its so hard to not see him much..and then see him w/ her..and just be there...never touching him or hugging him.  Really..I dont feel like Im in a relationship at all.  I told him..and I dont think he cares.  Or if he cares..he just doesnt fix the issue.  Sigh.  I hate trying to find a guy ....so its hard letting go of this one.