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Feedback would be very helpful

Posted by on Jul. 14, 2007 at 5:59 PM
  • 7 Replies
I think that I still do not know how to handle the divorced relationship.  When my ex-to-be invites my teenage sons for "a good time" with his living-in girl friend and her son, I find myself getting mad at him and then start complaining to my sons.  "Life is not fair" is my motto in these days, but I need to get over my ex-to-be having a good time with his family setting. 

Please, provide me advice or share your experience on how I can treat my sons without spilling over my emotion to them, but send them with my love and blessing.  Thanks.
by on Jul. 14, 2007 at 5:59 PM
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by on Jul. 14, 2007 at 7:01 PM
I don't know the whole story on why you think "life is not fair"
try to foucus on the positive in your life kids, health, career ect.. and make them stronger and better. Life is to short to have a a negative feeling towards it.  If you are jealous of the relationship that your ex has don't be you to will find someone to love and appreciate you by the way are you looking? be strong and start having the positive attitude that will getyou thru the day.

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by on Jul. 14, 2007 at 7:11 PM
Believe me, I can relate!  I don't have any good advice because I'm in the same situation, only my boys are 3 and 6.  To my knowledge, my X2B (ex to be) has no girlfriend so I don't have to deal with that part of it yet.  What I do see is my X2B quizzing the boys about their "week with mommy" or even their "day with mommy" since he calls every night around 8:30.  That's part of his control issue!  He is extremely methodical about everything and I am really starting to see that now.  Some people see that as a good thing but I see it as a curse!  All I can say is try to be careful about what you say to your sons about their father.  Whether your sons realize it or not, what they say to your X2B can be construed and used against you.  I find myself holding my tongue a lot when I want to say something nasty about my X.  I don't want my boys to grow up feeling like they are caught in the middle or that I always bad mouthed their father.  Fortunate for, you, your  boys are old enough to start judging for themselves who the "bad guy" is...just don't let it be you!   Shay
by on Jul. 14, 2007 at 11:52 PM
I know what you are talking about. My ex is on his #3 live in girlfriend sense we spilt a year ago, and my children are 2 and 1. They have to see that every time that they go over there, and he not only quizzes them on what I do with them, he makes accusations on how I treat them. He tells people that I have X amount of bfs (which I don't because my children come first). He runs and parties while he has them, ect...... All I can say is that your son needs to see and feel that he can be safe with his father. You may or may not have a new fellow, but that is up to you and your feeling, just let your son know that you love him and that it is time to quite fussing over what your ex does, and move on with your life and just keep your son involved with every thing that you do.
by on Jul. 15, 2007 at 2:04 AM
Thank you so much for your posts.  All of them are very helpful and help me to see who I am and how I react to ex2b.  I am able to see myself from your objective views.

Yes! Life is short to stay in negative. Yes, I have many blessings, and I did not realize I was jealous over ex2b. Yes, it is hard to quit my fuss in one day, but I know now that fussing is not allowed in my house. I need to grow up!!!

Thank you  Thank you Thank you so so much.
by on Jul. 15, 2007 at 11:18 AM

Janet, you are too funny!  I'm glad we could help!  Shay

by on Jul. 15, 2007 at 11:44 AM

Thank you for reading my post.  I think I am desperated to find out why I act the way acting to ex2b.  I know the standard book rules what is good and bad in raising children, but when it comes to those relationships, I feel stuck in my zone.  Also find that how hard it is to change who and what you are. I guess it is to do with the past. After my second post,  I realized that I feel threathen by rather than jealous to the ex2b to take away my teenager sons from me, because in California law, kids can choose whom they want to be, and especially boys like to be with dad in general.

I guess that the reason that I Wrote "Life is not Fair" is that I felt helpless, hopeless  and futureless even though ex2b is the one cheated on and left me to anthor woman.  And I do not see any justice on this, but ex2b florishes his life with his new family setting.  I am left out and lonely.

Well, I need to end my endless complains to you as I have done to others. 

It was very good to see what and how others see things. I probably strumble on making a progress, but I know the goal that peaks through this windows.  janet
by on Jul. 15, 2007 at 2:33 PM
I think for your own relationship to yur children you should keep your bad thoughts of the childrens dad out. You are going to strain your boy's feelings for you.

I will pray

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