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Pregnant and alone.

Posted by on Jul. 15, 2007 at 12:52 AM
  • 6 Replies

Hey, I've been really down recently.  The father of my baby is Jehoviah's Witness and I love him to death.  We have been on and off for 2 years now.  He knows the baby is his, but denies it to everyone else inculding his friends and family.  He can be such a great guy, but I can't be always put last in someone's life.  He would hang out with everyone else and if he got time for me, then he would "squeeze" me in.  And if you truely love someone you want to spend all your time with them that you can right?  Not try to squeeze them in and if you can't get to it then it's okay.  Am I over reacting?  I don't know.  I think I don't want her growing up Jehoviah's Witness and me Christian because that will just confuse her to death.  I can't tell my daughter that Santa Claus is coming and her dad say he's not.  I've told him to stay out of her life and I won't ask for money.  I think it's better this way am I right?  I miss him and it's really hard for me to deal with this alone.  I need some advice bad.  She doesn't need a dad that won't tell anyone that he's her dad right?  Please help!  Thanks.

by on Jul. 15, 2007 at 12:52 AM
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by Ruby Member on Jul. 15, 2007 at 12:58 AM
sweetie, the baby isnt here yet and i can understand not wanting to deal with him. but no, you definitely need the finances that he OWES you and your child. YOU are putting a roof over the baby's head. YOU are paying the light every month. YOU are buying diapers and paying daycare. NO WAY should you forgo child support.

you dont have to deal with him. go on down to the DA/ Family support division and file on him. they will do the work.

AND you DO deserve MUCH better than being put last. ANY woman does. he obviously was not the one for you. there is some one out there.
by on Jul. 15, 2007 at 1:32 AM
There is no reason that your child's father should be treating you this way, yet apparently he doesn't see it that way.  I in no way believe that that type of treatment is right and I don't think that anyone should deal with it, whether or not you are having a child together or not.  I say get rid of him and raise your baby the way that you want to, but in no way am I telling you not to go after child support.  That is his child too and if he won't take physical responsibility for the baby, he should take financial responsibility whether he likes it or not.
by on Jul. 15, 2007 at 1:36 AM
I have been put in the position twice.....My son is 5 and my daughter is just one month. Trust me sweetie, it's hard in the beginning but you will get through it, especially if you have family backing you. My son's dad was my first true love and treated me the very same. Now I have 2 kids from two different fathers and I feel that their dads are the ones missing out on the wonderful milestones. You do right by your baby and you will feel complete.
by on Jul. 15, 2007 at 2:29 PM
hi,I'm a single mom of two boys from the same father.I understand how you feel since I passed my first pregnancy almost completely alone and the second living with "daddy",witch was much worse!
Anyway, if I got the point of your message you are now facing two different problems.
The first one is that you are alone and he doesn't want to accept  that the child is his.I was surprised to hear that, because I thought that Jehovia's Witnesses are not having sex before marriage and apart their fanaticism in their believing they are very ethical people who don't try to avoid their responsibilities.Well,even if he is an exception,nowadays it's very easy to find out who's the father with a routine DNA test.And I suggest that you should not avoid any procession to give your baby his father name.It will be good for you in any point of view:social,legal,economical,emotional......and it's actually a gift for him,that he probably realize later on. 
The second of your problems is that you want your child be raised as a Christian,so you'd rather want him be far.I think you are a bit confused and I don't blame you for that,I'm just saying that you must solve out what you want .Apart from that,since the child deserves to carry his father name,the same way it deserves to meet him,to get to know him or even live with him if things ever come that way.
Don't forget you are the one who chose this man to be father of your child.
Well I said too much and I don't want to pretend being smart since I've been through  many problems myself.
Apart all your troubles your major thought must be your pregnancy.Don;t let too much "adrenaline" of your anxiety and stress pass to your baby cause it's gonna be a very notty baby!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
by on Jul. 15, 2007 at 2:39 PM
Don't get yourself down from this man. I have been there and done that. I have 2 kids by the same guy and I have heard many times that he has denied my kids. But in court he acknowleged paternity for both of them. My saying is "You can do bad all by yourself!!" It took me a long time to realize that my kids dad wasn't worth all the drama. He is not in their life right now, and I think I'm the best person I can be for me and my children. Definately file for child support. Your baby's daddy needs to take responsibility for his actions too!! Do what you feel is right and your child will understand!

Dana Shea
by on Jul. 15, 2007 at 8:50 PM
My advice is to forget him.  If you really want him out of her life (and it sounds like he needs to be), then just cut him out and move on.  Forget child support.  You can make it on your own even if it seems impossible right now.  If your gut tells you to leave him out then do it.  Trust me.  I tried both ways.  Everyone kept telling me to go after him for child support because he owes me.  Well, that was true, but I'd rather have my son growing up without him in his life than having his money.  His money is not worth the emotional problems my son would have had to deal with later.  Don't let people TELL you that you are crazy for not going after him for child support.  There are those of us out there who are doing it and making it.  It's not easy, but in the long run I know it's best.  I can sleep easily now knowing that my son won't have to deal with having a horrible father figure in his life messing him up.  Do what your gut tells you to do and don't let other people talk you into something you know in your heart is not right for you.  Everyone's situation is different.  Most people will try to tell you to go after child support.  In many cases, they are right.  But not all cases.  So, do what you think is best for you.  I know you feel alone.  I felt the same way.  But you will make it.  There are many of us out there who are and have made it just fine.  Good luck!  Just do what you know in your heart is best for you!
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