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new single mom with some q's..

Posted by on Jul. 30, 2007 at 9:40 PM
  • 8 Replies
my son is 15 days old.. i dated his father for years on and off and along the way he started getting into alot of trouble... he has already given me 200$ since kolby has been born and he was there for the delivery and a couple days fallowing.. but not much after that...
should i fill through the state for child support? his dad is bad news and as much as it hurts thinking about it.. i think kolby will be better off not even being around him.. i feel like i will always be trying to "undue" what ever his father messes up.. should i ask his father to give up his rights? should i just ask him for money every month (that would be casing him around) should i do nothing just hope he'll forget about us?
im just stuck i want things to be stable for my son and his father is just lost.. i know he loves his son but he is not ready to be a good dad.. any advice?
by on Jul. 30, 2007 at 9:40 PM
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by on Jul. 30, 2007 at 9:47 PM
Welcome to the group.  I can totally relate.  My son is 2 1/2 though.  His father was sort of there during preg., and for part of the time after birth. We were married, but are now getting divorced.  My stb x is also very lost.  I would just like to tell you to keep your head on straight and think about what's best for you and your son.  If you decide to file for cs in the courts, make sure he either has no visitations until he straightens up or has supervised visitations w/your son.  Again, welcome and CONGRATULATIONS on your new son.  He will be your joy and strength.  If you ever want to chat feel free to request me.  
by on Jul. 30, 2007 at 9:56 PM
omg the baby is sooooooooooooooooooo cute. I remember when mine were that little........RUN TO THE  CHILD SUPPORT OFFICE. Just because he isn't with you that doesn't mean he can't support his son. Does the father live with you? Men like to run and hate to pay. This is his child you make him pay you'll be a single mom like me and it's soooooooooo hard without support. My x owes my kids like 20 thousand for my two. Doesn't pay I need help so bad my kids r teenagers already It gets worst (money) Be smart and go for it now this way he wouls have to pay rears. godd luck sweetie let me know
by on Jul. 30, 2007 at 10:13 PM
That is the same I am going through with my daughter.  Having to call and beg for money to get her things and its so not worth it.  A complete emotional roller coaster every single day!  I have to put up with verbal abuse and it is so not even worth taking him to court for a child support order because that means I'll have to give up visitation to him and the other baby momma...  Hell no!
by on Jul. 30, 2007 at 10:39 PM
Child support sweetie, I know it may make you feel like your just money grubbing, but it is what your child deserves. Once it is court ordered this is one less problem for you to have to discuss with him. It sounds like you have alot of things on your plate, trust me I know the feeling this is one thing that will take a few months to establish and it is best to do it immediatley, trust me I waited and it bit me in the behind. The last thing you ever want to worry about is not having enough money to care for your child. At some point in time it will be all on you and lets face it with the cost of living it is damn near impossible to do it alone so why should you?
by on Jul. 30, 2007 at 10:42 PM
Hi Kolby'sMom...
I am in a very similar situation to yours and I can tell you what I chose to do....
My son is now 6 and for the first 2 years I chased his sperm donor down, encouraged a relationship, and demanded $.  However,  I realized 2 important things: 1) I was spending a HUGE chunk of my time nagging, chasing, etc and that wasn't what my son needed or deserved from his mother, the only stable parent in his life.  2) I wasn't gonna see $ anyway so why try?  I decided when my son was 2 that I wasn't going to chase him anymore.   It was much more important for me to be a good, happy, stable mother for my son ,and when I was chasing his father around trying to make him do his job and also trying to do mine, I wasn't all those things that I knew my son needed.  Also, his father was in and out, that was much more confusing to my son than it would have been if he was just plain out.  So.....I told him that I was no longer gonna chase him and beg him to do his job, something that should be automatic, like it is for me.  If he wanted a relationship with his son he was gonna have to put forth the effort and I would encourage it IF it was consistent.  I told him that if it wasn't going to be consistent he would do more damage and he should just bow out and let me be mom and dad.  We haven't seen him since.  This has been hard at times for my son because he doesn't have any memory of his dad, but I figure that he's better off with no memory than memories of a few sporadic visits, bad influences, etc.  My son is a very happy well adjusted child who respects his mother for being both mom and dad to him on her own.
Hope that helps...I remember how hard it was for me back then.
by on Jul. 31, 2007 at 11:38 AM
hi i have a 7 yrs old son my son's father is not there for my son all the time . i get child support . it help with somethings . do what you think  is best for your son .
by on Jul. 31, 2007 at 10:30 PM
I am in the same situation I just recently left my babys father cause he wouldn't grow up and take resposiblity and I didn't know if i should do the whole child support thing cause he doesn't make a whole lot of money but just go with your gut!! Good Luck!!
by on Aug. 1, 2007 at 12:48 PM
go for the child support, i am a single mother of a 1yr old boy and like 4 months after i broke up w/ my sons father he moved to texas so he is no longer in his sons life, and i am goin for that child support, you should do the same because if you just ask him for money every month you will not be sure that you will always get the money
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