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jealousy...

Posted by on Aug. 2, 2007 at 12:24 AM
  • 2 Replies
I dont know what to do. My sister is so jealous of the fact that I have a baby and she doesnt. I'm not married and she is but her husband says they dont have enough money to start a family.  My son was born early and for the two months that he was in the hospital she was very supportive but once he got home she started getting really upset  about the help that other people offered me. My best friend and roommate helps me ALOT and we are so close. More than once my sister has chewed her out for being there for me TOO much. She has told her that I abuse her friendship and walk all over her. She was livid when my parents came to see my son in the hospital (he was there for 2 months) because they havent come to visit either of us in about 2 years. Her husband even asked my parents if they would have come to visit sooner if they had a baby earlier. Then my parents came back for a week to help me with my son the week he came home from the hospital. He had some medical problem right out of the hospital so they were coming for support mainly. Again she was livid because they had now been to see us TWICE and her none. (She lives 2 doors down at the time and they saw her every day...its not like she was ignored) Well then my parents decided that they wanted to move closer to their only grandchild so while they were here visiting they looked for a house. One thing led to another and my stepmom decides we should live together because that is what would be best for everyone. (everyone being my parents, my roommate and me and my son) That way when I go back to work, they can keep him and I dont have to worry with a babysitter because he cant be in daycare. Well my sister sends my dad this LONG email about how I dont need to move in with them because when I do I wont be "bearing my own burden" Meaning I wont be taking responsibility for my son. She says all these things to them about how I need to do things on my own and then turns around and wants to help. I dont want her help if she is going to act like a witch behind my back. Its like she wants him to be her son. Her and her husband were making plans while my son was in the hospital. She would quit her job and keep my son during the day while I worked. No thanks. Not after the jealous fits she throws.  And just tonight at church between class and services she wants to hold my son. Well I have this thing about not letting many people hold him DURING services because I dont want him to be a distraction. She was LIVID that I told her no. I dont know what to do. She wont say anything ugly to my face so I can confront her, and she wants to help me but doesnt want anyone else to. It just doesnt make any sense to me.

by on Aug. 2, 2007 at 12:24 AM
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Replies (1-2):
Dixiemelody
by on Aug. 2, 2007 at 1:27 AM
Goodness! I am so sorry you have all that extra stress to deal with.

It definitely sounds like your Sister has some major issues but remember, they are her issues to deal with, not yours.
Don't wait for her to say something ugly directly to you to let her know how you feel about her behavior. Write her a letter or sit down & talk (calmly) with her & let her know that while you appreciate the help she has offered that you also appreciate the help of others as well. Remind her that if your parents were to move closer that it would benefit her also.
If she continues to be catty then put it out of your mind because you have someone more important to worry about, your son. Focus on him & what is best for you both & eventually things will work out fine.
Fragyl
by on Aug. 2, 2007 at 1:41 AM
Right now I am a sort of similiar thing.  My best friend since high school.  I got out of the house before she did.  I got my first big job before she did.  I moved out of state before she did.  I got pregnant and now have a 5 year old son.  She is now struggling to try and have a baby.  She loves me, I know she does.  But, she is a bit resentful of how 'easy' I got pregnant in a troubled marraige with low income.  She is in a fantastic marraige, both her and her hubby making great money.  She asks me for advice ( I am also have lots of medical background), she brags about her expensive exotic vacations and all these  places she gets to go to.  I'm not the kind of person to be impressed with money, objects, vacations and so forth.  So, she gets a bit pissy when I don't moon over all the stuff she gets to buy and do.  She takes all my advice on what to do about concieving, though.  She also ironically showcases my son's pictures on the mantel and so forth,  (He truly is photogenic) over her nephews.  She does dig into me about the stay at home mom thing though.  Especially with her in a career on the fast track (I've missed the military that I wanted as my career).
The thing boils down to this.  We love eachother.  She is my oldest friend and is practically family, my own sister.  She is unhappy.  She shows her unhappiness in some not so nice ways.  I'm no wimp, though I am a pretty nice person. (so I am told).  I think it is more important to keep the support and love as the main concern and ignore all the other petty stuff that really doesn't matter.  Sure it may hurt, and you can tell her in a non-confrontational way that you don't appreciate it.  But its more because of the pain she feels.  When she gets over this phase of anger, she will truly regret it all and will find that she needs you more than ever.  Take good care of yourself!!

Blessed Be!

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