happy yet unsure

[karensmommy06]

im happy that things are over btwn me and my soon to be ex husband but i am unsure and worried about what the future holds for me and my daughter. her daddy has never wanted much to do with her and he told me tonight he was planning on taking her to oklahoma we are in texas and i told him he's crazy. shes not leaving the state without me. shes 17 months old and he is pretty much like a stranger to her. he has lived with us her whole life but he has never done anything for her. i think he has lost his mind. i am gonna start working on filing for divorce and custody on monday and i really dont know where to start. i dont want him alone with her ever cause he has a bad temper. am i crazy?

[S0uthernBe11e]

Oh my gosh, I am going through the same thing! I recently left my soon-to-be-ex husband July 5. We were living in MD at the time, and I told him I was exhausted from trying to make our relationship work and that our son (2 yrs old) and I would be returning to my home state of TX. I was so worried that he'd file a petition to prevent me from leaving the state, but he admitted that our son was happier with me. He too has been around since his birth, but never active in his life, unless you count 20 minutes of play time and the occasional (what I call) babysitting.
Now I'm worried that he's going to try and get custody of him as well. Take comfort in knowing that most states, Texas being one of them, will usually side with the mother, especially if you're daughter is in an established environment where there is stability. My ex wants our son to go up there for a week also, but I told him I don't trust him to bring him back when he says he will. Granted, I can't keep him from seeing his son, but what I can do (and you can too) is make your own arrangements to go up and get your daughter. This way you take control of her return, not relying on someone who you know is unreliable.

I don't know if this brought any comfort to you at all, but no-you are not crazy, and know that you are not alone.

Best wishes to you!

[Tara922c]

No you are not crazy. I wouldn't want my child to leave my house with her father! I also live in Texas. Be careful before you let him take her. If you don't have a court order stating that you are the primary custodial parent, and visitation established, and you let him take your daughter, he doesn't have to give her back because he has just as much rights as you do.  So just be careful!!! My childs father expects to take my 3 month old daughter for the entire weekend (he has seen her once, and hasn't called me in 7 weeks). Theres no way in hell I will allow that to happen. I know how you feel. It sucks.

[JeJaNi_MaMa]

No way are you being crazy, you're being a mom - a good mom.  It still amazes me that fathers (I use the term as loose as possible) assume that just because they were involved in the conception that they should be allowed to do as they please when they want.  Follow your gut instinct (mommy instinct when it's your child) it's telling you what it's telling you for a reason.  Good luck & hang in there.  If you ever need to chat, send a mssg.