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my son's father...

Posted by on Aug. 3, 2007 at 5:58 PM
  • 2 Replies
I am a single mom (obviously since I am in this group :] ) and have been for almost 5 months. Soon after my son was born (in march) my BF decided he couldnt handle things and pretty much left me high and dry. Thats fine. I am a strong woman and had other things to worry about (my son was a preemie) so I think I handled it pretty well. I would call and give him updates and such just so he would know how Hunter was doing. He does care about us, but it was a long distance relationship and he is just not ready to grow up.

Well here we are 4 months and 3 weeks later and my ex has decided that he wants to be a part of our lives. Fine. I want my son to know his father and for them to have a relationship. Well my ex has 2 other kids (by two different women) and the oldest one (almost 3) is living in a bad situation. His mom isnt the most wonderful person and the kid just has it rough. So my ex is getting custody of him, which i think is great. He will be a good dad if he actually puts forth the effort.  The thing is my ex is talking about moving up here where me and my son live (6 hours from all of his family and his middle son). Okay, that would be fine if he was just doing it so he could be a father to my son, but he's not. He has it in his head that we are going to get back together...but I have been through sooo much these past few months that I am not ready to be in a relationship with anyone, let alone the man that left me and my son when we needed his support the most. But I want him up here and I would love for him to bring his oldest  son with him. I think my family and I could be a really good influence on him (he already cusses...cusses his mother out) and I have offered to help him with his oldest as much as I can.

Out of the three of his children, I am the only mom that would be willing to help him see his other kids. If he were to come up here, he would only see his middle son a couple times a month (which is more than he has seen my son) but I would be more than willing to help with the driving back and forth if that is what it takes for him to have a relationship with all of his boys. I am the only mom out of the three of us that is willing to do this. And he would have to take his oldest son to see his mom every other weekend and I am okay with helping with that too.

The thing is, even though I have told him I dont want a relationship right now, I think in the back of his mind he thinks if he can just get up here he can convince me othewise. So I dont know what to do. I dont want to end up raising his other son on my own (have him over here ALL the time) just because I told him I would help out when I could and I dont want him coming up here with false hopes.  i dont know what to do. I dont know if I should tell him to just wait a while before he comes or if I should encourage him to come or what...I feel like if he doesnt come up here my son will be getting the raw end of the deal because he will end up hardly ever seeing his dad, whereas if he were to move up here I would encourage him to go see his other son....

by on Aug. 3, 2007 at 5:58 PM
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Replies (1-2):
julesinlr
by on Aug. 5, 2007 at 10:46 PM
Be completely honest and then let him make his own choices. You've got enough to worry about without making sure he doesn't get the wrong impression. Stick to your guns. Do what is right for you and your son.
jamie54911
by on Aug. 6, 2007 at 1:11 AM
Why do you feel responsible for the other kids your x has? They aren't your responsibility, there his. Yea, your son would be getting a better deal if your x was around, or would he? Would he really be there for you child? Or would he be there out of convience b/c your helping him out with his other kids? I think you are being used, and I wouldn't stand for it. But, you gotta do whats best for YOU and YOUR BABY. Not just your baby. If your not happy, your baby won't be. Good Luck.

Lilypie Baby Ticker

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