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Need Advice from someone in the same situation.

Posted by on Aug. 6, 2007 at 12:22 AM
  • 16 Replies
Well I guess I will start off with how I became a single mother. About a year ago I ran into my very first boyfriend, we exchanged numbers, we got together (once). For two weeks he kept calling me and I would dodge his phone calls. At 15 I was head over heels for this man, but at 24 I thought he was an idoit and really didn't want to ever see him agian. I told him not to call me anymore. Few days later, I found out I'm pregnant. I told him 4 days after I found out and he tells me he just recently got engaged so I just need to have an abortion cause the girl wont marry him if he has a baby on the way. Then he says he cant be the dad because he and his ex never used protection and she never got pregnant. I didn't talk to him agian until 2 days before I gave birth. He tells me he got married. And to call him when i have the baby. I called him the day I gave birth and he filed child support charges on himself just for the free dna test. Well of course the baby is his.

After we got the results of the test he and his so called wife came to see her. (they are not legally married). He came over at 11:30 at night, stayed for 15 minutes, and wouldn't even come in my house.

The next day he calls me up crying his eyes out. Says he is getting a divorce and he sorry for ruining our lives. (i love my child and my life is NOT ruined) Tells me he cant afford child support.  I felt bad because i dont want to break up his marriage. I tell him we can try to work things out.

So the next day he and his "wife" call me. Offer me 100 dollars a month and he will buy all the diapers, ect. I say yes. then he goes on to tell me that his "wife" controls their bank account and I have to ask her for the money not him. Then she tells me how bad she wants a baby and she cries every time she gets her cycle. I realised he is just trying to get out of paying child support. Im sorry if you are married, living with your parents, can't pay for the kid you already have, why are you trying to have another kid.

I told him I would not make him pay the full amount, but I want to go through the atternoy general. He says no. He now offers me $200 a month for the next 18 years. I asked him what if  you get a good job down the road, is it fair that I am only getting 200 a month. He says yes because he shouldn't have to give me any money he should just have to buy the nessecities for our baby. I they ask him what  visitation. He says he doesn't want outlined visitation. He should be able to come get my daugher whenever he wants and some weekends he may be busy so he doesnt want to be tied down. I'm sorry, but i am not going to live the next 18 years of my life around him. He wont go to any more mediation meetings at the child support office so now the atternoy general is taking us to court. since we took the dna test, the state is making us go to court go get child support thought the state. So now i had to hire a lawyer. Oh and i forgot- he says i should take his offer of 200 a month because "afterall, he is LETTING me be the primary parent". He also is telling me his lawyer said that if it goes to court I am not getting crap for child support. and if i make him pay child support he is filling for custody. He told me that I am an unfit mother because I had medicaid for my  pregnancy. sorry i didn't have insurance and wanted to give birth in a hospital. He also said it is not fair for him to pay child support because my mom helps me out. I was a full time student when I got pregnant. Right now I am supposed to be at Texas A&M, but I am at home not going to school. I work 3 nights a week as a waitress and my mother watches my baby. I have never had an office job so i doubt I would make more that 10 bucks an hour, plus daycare is expensive and i dont want to put her in day care so it works for me. He told me I need to get a better job. That he shouldn't have to pay childsupport if im only working part time. I make 300 dollars or more a week working part time, take home. His best excuse for not paying is he has to support his "wife" because she doesn't work. I have worked since the day I turned 16. I worked in a restuarant until two weeks before i gave birth and went back six weeks later. Um, I do not feel sorry for people who don't work. That is their business, I dont care if she doesn't work, but i am not going to let my child suffer because of it.

Well i haven't talked to him in 2 months. We haven't received our court date yet. My lawyer said it may take up to a year. I just feel bad because even though he is an idiot, i want my daughter to have a father and to know him. Should I call him? Or just wait till everything with the court is worked out? Honestly I would let him sign away his rights but i dont think that is fair for my child. I just  dont know what to do.  The main reason I am going to court is for the visitation. He wants to take her for the whole weekend, without having any supervised visits. She is almost 4 months old, and i think she is just way too young. I am just upset with the whole situation. I don't want to be with my daughters father, (well really sperm donor) but I do want her to know him. What should I do??

sorry my post is sooooo long. No one I know has been in this situation and I would just like advice from someone who has been there!

T
by on Aug. 6, 2007 at 12:22 AM
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Replies (1-10):
KaydensMommy756
by on Aug. 6, 2007 at 12:34 AM
well i cant say ive been in that same situation but i guess you can say i have some similarities...i was "with" my baby's father till i was 8 months pregnant then he left me to go to florida...he's never seen kayden and has never paid child support(my son is 13 months old)...i havent put him in court so i cant relate with you on that one but i can relate with you on having an idiot for a babys daddy....and how you want your child to have their biological father...

Luvmylilriley
by on Aug. 6, 2007 at 12:40 AM
my situation is similar. I am a single mom who works 3 nights a week as a waitress at night while my mom watches my baby. I know in Texas your entitled to 20% of his income before taxes are taken out. I think you should stick it out for the year until he has to pay you. he won't be able to take your child from you and you shouldn't let him take her overnight!!! in tx they recomend young children not do that, instead the other parent see's them often for short times. i had medicaid too....but it doesn't make me a bad mom. and lack of money doesn't either. who cares who and what he pays for?? the courts don't....

https://www.babiesonline.com/babies/l/luvmylilriley/


Luvmylilriley
by on Aug. 6, 2007 at 12:44 AM
what state are you in? and..my little girls name is Riley.... =) and the bathing suit picture is so cute!

https://www.babiesonline.com/babies/l/luvmylilriley/

Tisha1115
by on Aug. 6, 2007 at 1:08 AM
  I have never been in that situation, but my sister has/is  in a similar one.  Her lawyer told her that unless he files for custody and wins, she has sole custody. You are NOT considered an unfit mom just because you're on medicaid. Actually, it's hard to prove someone an unfit mom.

  I have never heard of the state taking the dad to court, but if they are giving you assistance I guess they could. My neice's biodad is suppose to be paying support and it goes to the state to help cover expenses (when he pays). They are currently in the process of increasing his amount since he hasn't paid in years.  Good luck, it'll turn out fine.
ekholl
by on Aug. 6, 2007 at 1:23 AM
I am in the same situation...kind of. I feel so bad because my son doesnt have a clue who is biological dad is. He has seen him twice since he was born. He's threatened to file for custody but like most states, KY is a mom state and doesnt grant custody to dad unless mothers are proven unfit and like one of the previous women said, that is very hard to do. There is nothing wrong with being on Medicaid. I am and it saved us. My son spent 2 months in the hospital and if not for medicaid we would be swimming in debt. He could always pay your med bills if he thinks medicaid is so bad.

I guess over the past few months I have been debating as to whether it is worth the hassle and frustration to maintain a relationship between father and child. He hasnt made an effort in two months...do you really think you should? Do you want him coming in and out of her life any time he wants? I've decided I cant do that to my son. He isnt going to be hurt because Daddy doesnt feel like taking him this week...so as of right now they have no relationship at all. (Incidently my BD seems to think my son is just going to "KNOW" he's his dad. How, I have  no idea but thats his theory)

Tara922c
by on Aug. 6, 2007 at 2:23 AM
I am in Texas. My baby girl's name is Rylee. Same name different spelling. Thank you!
CrystalnSC
by on Aug. 6, 2007 at 5:19 AM
I have had three pregs on medicaid...  in SC, if u r on medicaid, and u fill out child support papers, it is all free.  Check where u live 2 c if u can drop the attorney or if it is offered in ur state. The state goes after the father bcuz they don't really want to support ur child if he can.

Good luck!
challengedmom2
by on Aug. 6, 2007 at 3:04 PM
Let it go to court in TN moms  are in titled to 23% of the fathers income it varies from state to state however  you  will get back child support and they can hold his tax return at the end of the year and send it to you. 
julesinlr
by on Aug. 6, 2007 at 4:34 PM
How much you work, how much you make, how much your baby stays with your mom has absolutely nothing to do with child support. He owes it to you. Period. He is the father. Take him to court, work out child support and visitation. He will not get custody of your child and you will get what you deserve.
Best of luck.
BrysonsMom721
by on Aug. 6, 2007 at 5:15 PM
Im not exactly in the same situation but close. My son is 18 months old and has never seen his father. I always wonder whats going to happen when my son is old enough and wants to go see his dad.
But dont worry about him getting full custody. My sons father threatend and unless u are living on the street, doing drugs, and dont have a pot to piss in then you have nothing to worry about. And i also tried to get it where he would sign over all rights and NOT ONE judge would agree to it. Which i live in Georgia and they said as long as the father is able to pay then they are not going to make it where the state takes care of the child.,meaning food stamps, medicade, etc...
And if i was u i wouldnt bother calling her dad. If he wanted to see her then he would. Dont push it. When ur daughter is older she will know how he is and wont blame u one bit for it.
Thats just my 2 cents.
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