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is it me? ....kinda long...ok it's long

Posted by on Aug. 20, 2007 at 4:40 PM
  • 6 Replies i am somewhat recently out of a year and some months relationship. I've known him for 3+ years. things had started out ok and all. after about 6 months i let him start to see my son here and there. i had concerns from the beginning and let him know here's the back story and long part

he's a cashier at a liquor store, works 6 days and not even 40 hrs a week. has a habit of calling out, doesn't have health insurance and money is always tight for him. some weeks all he eats is cereal. plays  a lot of video games and sleeps when not working or playing video games. his answer for everything is always "i'm gonna do that soon" or "i'll do it next week sometime"

now i know that he lives out on his own and he's able to more or less survive on that . and that's great for him. but when your car needs to be fixed  and inspected (for more than 6 months) and i ask you when your going to do it and you only do it b/c you got a ticket. video games is fine , i play them, but if you want to talk to me or spend time with me put the game away. he needs to o to the dentist and it's always "i'll do it soon"

now everytime i brought this up ( 3timestotal) i would drop it after that. i'm not a nag. but when i finally had it and broke up he had this look of unbelief. i told him that if he was as serious as he said he was about us and really wanted more then i need more than what he can offer me. i'm not talking money i meant everything else. it's not just me, it's me & my son. i could probably deal if i wasn't a parent.but i need more than maybe hoping that he will eventually get off his ass and get a better job and fix things. he always had the money for a tattoo or a new video game.

so i saw him this weekend and i realized that it was over. that he wasn't going to change, i knew he had "cashed in " vaca time to get a tattoo. but when i saw the new xbox and 3 games i realized that it was over. don't get me wrong it's his money to do with what he wants. but to me his priorities are wrong for wanting to be a family. i would think that since his teeth bother him every day he would want to get that fixed, he's a great guy ad he loves me & my son. he would do anything for me all i have to do is ask. but the most important things that i ask of him he can't seem to do. am i wrong? is it over? or if i give him a few more months am i doomed for more diasppointment? sorry this was so long. but any and all thoughts, input and advice are appreciated.

if we couldn't laugh we would all go insane. ~Jimmy Buffet~
by on Aug. 20, 2007 at 4:40 PM
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Replies (1-6):
by on Aug. 20, 2007 at 5:06 PM

I think you shoid just accept it and move on I mean like you siad if you do try again you are only setting yourself up for more disappointment he is only going to change if he wants to... hope this helps

by on Aug. 20, 2007 at 5:35 PM
You have to stick to your guns.  If he tells you that he doesn't want to be without you and your son, tell him that you need someone who can be there for the both of you.  Tell him that you love him and that you want to be with him but that you can't wait around forever hoping that he will grow up and take some responsibility.  Don't cut off all communication with him, but put the relationship on hold.  See if he takes this time to get a better job (maybe one with some benefits, maybe full 40 hour work potential) and start being grown up enough to take care of himself.
I've tried this twice and I'm sorry to report that neither time did they change.  I, however, was also dealing with men who had drug and alcohol dependencies.  I hope so much for all three of you that it works out!  Keep us posted!
by on Aug. 20, 2007 at 7:24 PM

He's definitely not relationship material.  You are correct in not pursuing anything with him.  He could be a good friend but other than that I wouldn't waste your time.  Don't take this the wrong way but you sound more like his mother and you don't have the time for that. 

by on Aug. 20, 2007 at 7:30 PM

Ha..I was in a somewhat similar situation myself...he kept sayin he was goin to get a job, would get one for a few weeks and then for some reason would have to "quit". always askin me for money, stayin out at nite with my car...and my in love self put up with it....eventually he was the reason i got evicted from my apt. and am about 3000 in debt....The good thing I did get out of it was my beautiful baby girl....He is in jail now...

He kept tellin me, a lil while..and it never happened...while he may love you and your son....he's not showin it...and that's what i go by now...Actions speak louder than words...

I know that if I can go from cryin every day over him, wishin he would come back even though he treated me like crap,  to bein happy bein single..lovin myself and my baby more than anything in this world..workin, takin classes and just doin me...that anyone can...
Good Luck girl!

by on Aug. 20, 2007 at 7:30 PM
He is definately someone to avoid! Especially when you're raising a child. If he is going to be the "father" figure in your son's life, then he needs to grow out of the constant video games. A family man doesn't blow his money on tattoos and xbox games. Especially, when he can't even afford to buy food!!!
by on Aug. 21, 2007 at 4:36 PM
thanks guys.  i know i need to not be with him right now. and yeah....i'm tired of crying. but it's another blow to i guess my self esteem. like..what's wrong with me? i don't ask for presents and to go out and all that crap. i'm not high maintenece at all. is it really that hard to be responsible, grown and a decent guy?

if we couldn't laugh we would all go insane. ~Jimmy Buffet~
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