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My Saw His Dad Today... I need ur opinions!? (Long&posted to other groups)

Posted by on Aug. 21, 2007 at 10:11 PM
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Emily1985

Aug. 21, 2007 at 9:38 PM by Emily1985
posted to Un~Perfect Moms

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The look on my 4-year-old's face when I came in from work today was sheer excitement!  The first words out of his mouth were, "Mommy, I saw Trent today in the store!" 
Trent is his biological father whom he only met this past January.  He was in his life for all of 2 months before he pulled his famous disappearing act again...  I feel like a complete ass for letting Kaleb meet this worthless excuse for a human being and I wish that I had never told Kaleb that he was his father. 
My stb x husband has raised my son as his own and that is his "Daddy" but i knew that when he started school he would know that his last name is different and start to ask ?s so when Trent popped back into my life after 5 years, I agreed to allow him to meet our son and told Kaleb who he was. 
My son, who is very very mature for his young age, looked him in his eyes and said  "I understand and I love you but I'm not going to call you 'Daddy'  I already have one!"  Of course, I didn't tell him that his Daddy is not his Daddy, just that he was a very special little boy who God gave 2 Daddys... 
Now I feel like that was the wrong thing to do because now he knows who he is and he knows that he is not there!  What do you guys think?  Was it better to let him know at such a young age and grow up knowin that he has a father out there and 3 more brothers or should I have kept it from him until he hit an age where I could explain things in detail?

As if being completely caught off guard with the news that they had bumped into each other in the store was not good enough, he just called me wanting to know if he can take Kaleb, along w/his older 2 sons to the movies on Saturday.  He offered to let me and my 2 year old tag along, but is this a good idea?
by on Aug. 21, 2007 at 10:11 PM
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manders018
by on Aug. 21, 2007 at 10:15 PM
I would offer to go to the movie too. It seems like your son is well adjusted and you have been honest with him. You are the only one who can decide what is right for your child, but it seems like you keep communication open with him which is the most important part.


NYCMama73
by on Aug. 21, 2007 at 10:25 PM

I think you made the right choice telling your son early, especially if he is so mature and well-adjusted.  I know it's almost impossible to do, but don't second -guess yourself.  In my humble opinion honest, full disclosure is usually the best way to go.

If you decide to allow Trent to be a part of your son's life, I would do it with lots of supervision at first.  So if you can stomach being around him, go along to the movies with them.    Good luck with everything!!! 

Emily1985
by on Aug. 21, 2007 at 10:27 PM
I don't have a problem being around him...  Its just the way he is so wishy-washy... u never know what he is gonna do next...  i'm afraid to let Kaleb get used to him being around again just so he can disappear like he did a few months ago! 
bluesunkiss
by on Aug. 21, 2007 at 10:44 PM
I think u should let trent know that this is it. meaning he cant just walk in and walk out. its not fair to the child.He cant be a dad when he wants. he is either his or his out. I think if a man wants to build a relationship with their child. then as a mom u have to let him, but with all eyes and ears open. I think u should let him go, if for anything so he can meet his brothers. JMO take care
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