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Counselor Update......

Posted by on Aug. 23, 2007 at 11:26 AM
  • 1 Replies
ok this is the post that i had made last week....

Can anyone tell me exactly what a counselor is supposed to say and do and what thy are not.  My fiance and I went to our 2nd counseling session last night.  The first session was by ourselves and she talked to us for an hour a piece.  Well I got there at about 6:10 last night and by 6:27 I was in my car.  She sat there and told us that she is a straightshooter and that if she sees heartache down the road for a couple then she won't help them.  Then she turned to me and started telling me how selfish i am and how cold i am and how i don't love my fiance's kids and how i am manipulative and a schemer and she doesn't know how i weasled my way into my fiance's life but that he and his kids would be better off without me and how she always thought that having a bad mother was better then having no mother at all but in this situation that is not the case.   I was totally shocked.  

Was she completely out of line?  I think counselors are there to try and help and counsel you and are not supposed to take sides, let alone be so rude to a client.   Am I wrong?


My fiance and I split right after that but since Sunday we have been trying to work things out.  Well we both decided that we need counseling both individually and as a couple.  I also said that I think we need to go individually for awhile before we go together.  He then tells me that he is going individually and with the same counselor that we were going to.  I couldn't believe it.  After the things she said to me and the way she treated me, he still wants to go see her.  I know I am probably getting upset for no reason.  I guess I am just different then him in the sense that if someone said things like that to him I definitely would not continue seeing them.  

Someone please tell me if I have a right to be a little upset or what......

God, grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change;
the courage to change the things I can;
and the wisdom to know the difference.

by on Aug. 23, 2007 at 11:26 AM
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by on Aug. 23, 2007 at 12:29 PM
Being a social worker, no a counselor should not be saying those things to you.  She was completely inappropriate.  Her job is to help you identify the problems and the goals of what you want to achieve in counseling.  And seriously, you don't know your client in 1 visit, let alone the dynamics of a couple.  But what I do find interesting is, what did your husband say to make her think those things?

Definately seek individual counseling from someone else.  If and when your husband and you decide to go back to couples counseling, it would be better to find a third counselor and one who can be objective.  Get referrals from friends to get a good idea who might be a good therapist.

Good Luck!
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