Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

Don't Know Baby's Day, Can Anyone Relate?

Posted by on Sep. 6, 2007 at 3:59 PM
  • 5 Replies
Okay here is the situation.  I was dating someone for two years, we broke up last summer but I cling on to him all summer and up until I found out I was pregnant last October because I thougth we could work things out.  Now I'm glad we didn't, but we were engaged and I was so in love with him and he kept promising me there was still a chance.  Any who, last August he asked me to come visit him and I did, and we slept together. 

Also at the sametime last August in an attempt to forget about him and move on I tried dating other people.  I met a guy that I started casually seeing, it wasn't serious because he was seeing other people and so was I.  But we did sleep together too around the time my daughter would have been concieved.

Well the dates that I slept with both men are days apart, I know shameful so there really isn't any way for me to know whose it is.  I suspect that its my exs of two years, because she looks like him and everyone that has every met him says that samething.

I have filed for a court ordered paternity test and I'm just waiting to see what happens with the whole situation.

I don't care who the father is, because I know in either situation that its not going to be pretty.  But I just want to know, so I can tell her, and for medical reasons.

But can anyone else relate to this?  Not knowing who there father is at all or not knowing in the beginning?

  I feel so shameful every day about what I did and not being able to tell my daughter who her dad is.   That was the first and last time I will ever be promiscious with my behavior, last year I was just so emotionally devstated from the break up I did alot of things I nomrally woudln't do.

I just feel like I'm walking around with a huge secret....I jus tneed someone to relate too. 
by on Sep. 6, 2007 at 3:59 PM
Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Replies (1-5):
by on Sep. 6, 2007 at 5:59 PM
Don't feel alone or ashamed.  I can definitely relate.  I did the same thing and am now 9 weeks pregnant.  I broke up with the ex-bf because of a verbal threat he made and immediately started to date a casual "distraction" to try to forget about the ex.  The ex came back a few days later (after I'd already been with the distraction) and wanted to "be together" one last time. So here I am, not knowing who the father is and it isn't pretty here either.  The distraction wants me to have an abortion and was supportive and friendly until I finally told him to back off, that I won't consider it unless I know he is the father.  The ex-bf is currently living with someone else, though he has claimed that IF this proves to be his baby he'd want to reconcile with me and be there for his kid.  My mother has threatened to disown me if I don't abort the baby. 

I plan on keeping the baby and am currently stressing about how to support it once it is born without being able to qualify for gov't assistance.  In the meantime, I miss the ex-bf though I know he isn't good for me and I'm stressed out by my mom and the distraction.  Right now I'm debating my options.  I can have a prenatal test done that will cost me $2850 including one of the potential father's swab test.  I'm torn because I want the father to be a part of this pregnancy (if it is the ex-bf's) but it is a lot of money and I'm worried as it is about supporting the baby.  I'd probably be better off if I saved the money to pay my bills for at least one month after I have the baby.  But I really want to know who the dad is too. 

My story is a bit different than yours, but it began the same way.  I can relate to you.  If you ever need someone to talk to or a shoulder to cry on, I'm here for you.

Love & Hugs
by on Sep. 6, 2007 at 6:16 PM
Thanks for replying!  I hope that you work out everything with your situation.

When I told the casual guy that I slept with I was pregnant he wanted me to get an abortion but he didn't offer to pay for it at all.  When I told my ex he called me all sorts of names in the book, lied to me about getting kicked out of his house, losing his gf, and joining the army, and wanted me to get the abortion but wasn't wlling to help pay for it or support me.  Even when I was 20 weeks along and a abortion would have been illegal he sitll wanted me to get one telling me that it was possible....still.  SICK!  Stupid me though I still slept with him one last time in January because I needed his blood for an aminio I have done (long story) and I thought he would do it for me.  He didn't......and I slept with him again this past June when I took her to see him, I needed him to be relaxed so I could snoop around and get the info I needed to file for a paternity test.  I never do shit like this, I'm the goody good girl...but with was just relentless with him and I hate my behavior.  But since I have had my daughter I am aiming to lead a different and better life.

Forget about spending you money, wait until you have the baby and the test will be cheaper.  I know you want one of them to go through the experience with you and I can relate I wanted the samething too.  But you don't even know if after you spend all that money that they will be there for you and the child.  I found that my other family members and my friends gathered around me and really supported me.

I wish you the best in whatever you do and I know that you will be a great momma!
by on Sep. 6, 2007 at 8:00 PM
Before I knew I was pregnant with my daughter, I had been with my ex bf of almost 2 years. I just knew he had to be the father, but things grew dark quickly when an event I had "compartmentalized" (forgotten in the depths of my mind) emerged: I was raped.
I had been date-raped when I went out with an acquaintence. The situation was shady and I managed to remember everything. I was going to get an abortion when I realized that, but just couldn't do it (had a miscarriage with the ex).
The father was married at the time (didn't get divorced til my girl was 1 year old).
So, for a while, I wasn't really sure, but then I just knew. I've had to deal with the asshole ever since because the case never went to court due to lack of evidence.
My daughter is now 7 and I don't regret my decision to keep her. The new baby is from a one-night stand... I'm a single mom...I didn't have time to sleep around. So I know who the father is, even though he swears I must be a slut! LOL HA HA HA
by on Sep. 6, 2007 at 8:38 PM
I have been there myself, with my first child, me and my boyfriend broke up and I went out got silly drunk and ended up in bed with some guy I knew in passing. Two weeks later me and  my boyfriend got back together and we had "make up" sex. About a month or so later I found out I was pregnant but I had no idea which guy was the father. I confessed to my boyfriend later on down the road that the night we broke up I slept with someone else and we decided to wait till the baby was born to do anything about that. The baby was born looking nothing like my boyfriend so he asked for a DNA test only thing was he was in Hawaii at the time and I was in VA so whenever the state scheduled the test he was always out to sea(he's a navy guy). Finally about a month before my son turned 1 he was able to make an appt and when the test results came back it turned out he was not the father. I was so embarrassed and devastated because we had both convinced ourselves and everyone else he was the father. I then had to play track down the other guy, who nearly crapped himself when I told him was the father, we had a DNA test done as well and was proven to be the father. I know you feel bad, its a tough situation but hang in there, it will work out in the end one way or another.
by on Sep. 7, 2007 at 5:43 PM

OH YES! I can totally relate! I was single, dating around and I had slept with two men a week apart. After the first guy, I realized I didn't want to be with him so I moved on and met Jake's daddy. We slept together the first date, something I had never odne before. Well, low and behold, we conceived that first night. It wasn't until last month, 2 years after that first date, that we got a paternity test done. We did an at home with the swabs and we did it to confirm our suspisions. I knew it was him and so did he, but it made me feel 1000 times better to know definately! Now when he comes to visit or we are looking at pictures, I can firmly say that Daddy is his father, no questions.

I found too that my shame died away and I really began living again after the results. I can't believe now that I waited so long to have it done. I'm happier, Jake has a better mom, and his dad and I are working on things.

It's worth it, even though it may bring up feelings of shame again.



Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)