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How long does it take?

Posted by on Sep. 7, 2007 at 3:10 AM
  • 7 Replies

Hello. I am a 26 year old single mom to a 2 year old boy. I've been single since my son was about 1 1/2 months old, and to be honest, i HATE it. I have not had contact with the father(his choice) since he cheated on my and i left him 2 years ago. My question for you other single moms is how long does it take to move on with the dating sceen? I still find myself wishing that my sons father(my ex fiance) would find his way back to me and realize what he did was wrong, but with him in a differnt state, i really dont think thats gonna happen, than i think how i was really getting unhappy with him and i dont want to be there again. But i think the missing him part is keeping me from moving on, or even trying. It sucks!!! I can't stand to be lonely, but i'm not gonna go find whoever throws themselves at me either. How long does it take to get over someone? I mean is it crazy of me to still think about him that way even though its been 2 years? My son has got several male role models in his life, so i'm deffinatly not feeling like i need to find someone to give him another one, but i miss the comfort and excitement in a relationship. :( And than it hurts because my mom asked me the other day if i ever think about my ex, i told her yes, but it gets me depressed if i even start to. I think of how he hurt me(when he cheated) and wonder, why would i EVER want to go back with him if i got the chance. Am i crazy? I dont know what to do. How long does it take to get over it? When should it be safe to move on? How do i move on? Ok, thank you soooo much for reading this, i'd appreciate any advice. Thank you and God bless,

by on Sep. 7, 2007 at 3:10 AM
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Replies (1-7):
purtypanda
by on Sep. 7, 2007 at 3:53 AM
Getting over it?? Are you serious?? I had the same question when faced with an abusive father of my son. when will i get over it and get the strength to move on without the fear of someone else doin that to me again!? My advice to you and to all of my single mom friends who go through adversity after seperation or divorce or just plain catching the bastard that cheated..is..GET MAD!! GET ANGRY!! and make him pay for it!(nothing illegal..we want to killem but we can't lol) my son doesn't see his dad at all maybe once every 3 months..but i will be damned if i don't get my stinkin check!! I shoe polished my car with  (his name) isn't paying child support for our son! across my car and drove through the parking lot of his job at a respectible firm. he came running outside with his checkbook and hasn't missed a payment since!!  I have drivin through our old neighborhood where he still lives and just put flyers on the mailboxes of his neighbors with his photos of him in jail after he hit me. he never laid another hand on me again!! get mad!! its the only thing you can do. i had a pitty party about how afraid i was to move on after being controlled and beat down that i finally got my confidence and strength back to date again and i said ''f'' it im over it and im movin on!! I have the most loving man in my life now that i wouldn't trade for the world. when you are strong..men sense it and they are drawn to it like moths to a flame! he loves my confidence and i swear to the lord in heaven..he would NEVER cheat on me or hit me!! he knows what the wrath would be!LOL

GET ANGRY AT HIM GET MAD AT YOURSELF FOR NOT ALLOWING THAT....AND THEN ..GET OVER IT!! MOVE ON SWEETIE!!
SngleMommy07
by on Sep. 7, 2007 at 3:59 AM

Do you ever really get over it or do you just put it behind you and move on?  My sperm donor is still deciding if he wants to be involved (posted as SD Called).  And honestly I don't want him around because I want to be able to move on.  However I have decided that I will not date anyone until my son is at least 1, maybe 2. 
As for your decision....well its just that.  When you feel comfortable with dating you'll get back out there!  And believe me I know where you're coming from my SD actually had the nerve to tell me that he hoped our son wasn't his and yet I still sometimes fantasize that he will come back realizing what a HUGE mistake he's made.

Maybe you just have to get yourself out there so that you can see there really are decent men out there that deserve to be with you.  I don't know maybe i"m just rambling.  Good Luck!  I hope you find the answer you're looking for.

SngleMommy07
by on Sep. 7, 2007 at 4:00 AM

Quoting purtypanda:

Getting over it?? Are you serious?? I had the same question when faced with an abusive father of my son. when will i get over it and get the strength to move on without the fear of someone else doin that to me again!? My advice to you and to all of my single mom friends who go through adversity after seperation or divorce or just plain catching the bastard that cheated..is..GET MAD!! GET ANGRY!! and make him pay for it!(nothing illegal..we want to killem but we can't lol) my son doesn't see his dad at all maybe once every 3 months..but i will be damned if i don't get my stinkin check!! I shoe polished my car with  (his name) isn't paying child support for our son! across my car and drove through the parking lot of his job at a respectible firm. he came running outside with his checkbook and hasn't missed a payment since!!  I have drivin through our old neighborhood where he still lives and just put flyers on the mailboxes of his neighbors with his photos of him in jail after he hit me. he never laid another hand on me again!! get mad!! its the only thing you can do. i had a pitty party about how afraid i was to move on after being controlled and beat down that i finally got my confidence and strength back to date again and i said ''f'' it im over it and im movin on!! I have the most loving man in my life now that i wouldn't trade for the world. when you are strong..men sense it and they are drawn to it like moths to a flame! he loves my confidence and i swear to the lord in heaven..he would NEVER cheat on me or hit me!! he knows what the wrath would be!LOL

GET ANGRY AT HIM GET MAD AT YOURSELF FOR NOT ALLOWING THAT....AND THEN ..GET OVER IT!! MOVE ON SWEETIE!!

You are my hero!
purtypanda
by on Sep. 7, 2007 at 4:23 AM
sperm donor? lol thats what i call my sons father (or patrick from spongebob!! ) move on!!! don't let him decide first... you make the decision and watch what he does. if he walks away..he doesn't care. if he stands up and at least tries to be a man..he sorta cares. if he gives you a check and promises to be there for you both no matter what...he is a man. even if he decides he doesn't want to be with YOU.  don't wait to get out there and date...go for it!!  we still have hormones and needs....take it girl!! and have fun. I never thought i would meet a man that would love my son like he was his own. and i never expected it! we are such an amazing family! don't underestimate those dummies...men are just stupid..they can't help it!! lol
thats why we are the higher species!!
laurag67
by on Sep. 7, 2007 at 8:50 AM

Quoting SngleMommy07:


Quoting purtypanda:

Getting over it?? Are you serious?? I had the same question when faced with an abusive father of my son. when will i get over it and get the strength to move on without the fear of someone else doin that to me again!? My advice to you and to all of my single mom friends who go through adversity after seperation or divorce or just plain catching the bastard that cheated..is..GET MAD!! GET ANGRY!! and make him pay for it!(nothing illegal..we want to killem but we can't lol) my son doesn't see his dad at all maybe once every 3 months..but i will be damned if i don't get my stinkin check!! I shoe polished my car with  (his name) isn't paying child support for our son! across my car and drove through the parking lot of his job at a respectible firm. he came running outside with his checkbook and hasn't missed a payment since!!  I have drivin through our old neighborhood where he still lives and just put flyers on the mailboxes of his neighbors with his photos of him in jail after he hit me. he never laid another hand on me again!! get mad!! its the only thing you can do. i had a pitty party about how afraid i was to move on after being controlled and beat down that i finally got my confidence and strength back to date again and i said ''f'' it im over it and im movin on!! I have the most loving man in my life now that i wouldn't trade for the world. when you are strong..men sense it and they are drawn to it like moths to a flame! he loves my confidence and i swear to the lord in heaven..he would NEVER cheat on me or hit me!! he knows what the wrath would be!LOL

GET ANGRY AT HIM GET MAD AT YOURSELF FOR NOT ALLOWING THAT....AND THEN ..GET OVER IT!! MOVE ON SWEETIE!!

You are my hero!
  That's it in a nutshell, why would you ever want him back and what tells you he wouldn't repeat that behavior again trust? what trust? move on honey you have alot to give and to live for

dragonflie
by on Sep. 7, 2007 at 9:03 AM
I completely understand where you are coming from.  I was married for 13 years and the only good thing that came out of it was my 2 beautiful children.  He cheated on me with my neighbor and as I found out after that she was not the first.  He was also very physically and verbally abusive but yet I held onto the dream of having my family back together.  Stupid, huh!  I have learned to never play the "go back game", you will always have that doubt in the back of your head, so not worth it.  Everyone finds their own way in life when to let the past go and move onto the future and so will you.  You will know in your heart when its time to move on.  After being divorced for 2 years now, I have found myself in a good place and peace of mind.  Once that happened I have met my best friend and fell in love with him.  There are good guys left out there but unfortunely you have to work through the sh_t to find them but its so worth it in the end.  I had always wondered it I was doing the right thing and moving on.  My son said to me the other night, you know mom we are so much better off without dad, thank you.  That was the confirmation that I was looking for all these years.  Sometimes its not as in front of you like that but it will be there.  Good luck and if you ever need to chat, I'm here!  Us STRONG women/motheres have to stick together.
felipesmomma
by on Sep. 7, 2007 at 5:28 PM
Thank you ladies for your responses. It feels great to be able to share my feelings. Its a weight being lifted off :) . I do know i would NEVER go back to him, but i think how i never grew up without my father or mother and its sad that my son does have both. I guess i kinda blame it on myself sometimes but i KNOW its not my fault. I am in my "Happy to be single mode" right now. But still feel likeI am not quite ready to get back into the dating scene yet. I may wait another year or so. I know one other mom suggested counseling, but I think i'm ok without it, thank you for the suggestion though. I'm not depressed, just get sad when i'm finally getting over the situation and my parents or someone I work with bring it up. I know, doesnt make sense, because i just did. lol sorry. I guess girls are confusing sometimes huh LOL. ;) Thank you again for your advise and to know i'm not the only one out there that has gone through this phase, helps out ALOT...
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