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Anyone have a babys dad like this?

Posted by on Sep. 15, 2007 at 7:29 PM
  • 7 Replies

OK i need some advise or opinions. Im a little confused so i had my son 3 1/2 months ago. Dad started coming around but not till recently. He never signed anything at the hospital. So he said he wanted a paternity test which is fine with me. So we went together and did that. We hang out here and there and he visits his son at my house.  The test has not came back yet but should here real soon . Well here is what i am confused on he says comments like thats my boy, my baby, etc. Why say it or do the paternity if you are unsure? I am guessing to be sure. Now here is my problem i filed for child support and it is in the process but he has given our baby NOTHING. No diapers, wipes, a outfit, etc. No money to help out and it makes me so mad. I do everything and he makes 5 times more money than me. It just irriates me but i dont know how to say anything. I have hinted and hinted i told him he should start writing me checks and keep track and they will deduct it. He is just not getting it. So he comes over last night and stays, helps with our son, gets up with him, etc. Which i am grateful for but he was in and out of our sone room and seen everything i have purchased and never offers anything. Then he said well i gotta leave by 1 cause the bank closes im thinking good go get me some money but i couldn't say it.  Dad's father [grandpa] lives 10 minutes away and does not see him that much but he has never gotten him anything either. Dads mom [grandma] has never seen or called she lives far in Florida but still she has a phone. My parents this is their 4th granchild between me and my sister and my mom is always picking something up for him. I guess i just shouldn't be materialistic i just don't understand it. These are his grandparents. So should i just wait on the support or say someting and how i have hinted but that is not working. Any advise????

by on Sep. 15, 2007 at 7:29 PM
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Replies (1-7):
jus1jess
by on Sep. 15, 2007 at 7:36 PM
these people just won't be satisfied til they get a definate ok from those test results. i guess ican understand it, but still. this could very well be his baby n so far, it looks like he treats him like it n wants him to be. so would it really kill him to buy some diapers before he knows???? if the test comes back saying he's his, he should give in n not worry about spending money on a baby that's not his. my bf knows for a fact he's the father, so there's no denial. he does however think he's still not in any way financially responsible. he just wants the baby to love him n call him daddy while someone else does all the work. if even after the test he acts like that, get his sorry ass for child support. i am.

 **Her name's Ivy! Oct. 18th can't come soon enough!**

nme2469
by on Sep. 15, 2007 at 7:49 PM
As far as your mom picking things up for the baby and doing stuff like that; you are lucky to have a mom like that.  As far as his parents not "caring" or helping; some people are like that.  Some people only "care" or help when someone else is watching.  If you know you've given as "direct" of a hint as possible and still nothing then untill either that test results come in or the child support goes thru you probably won't get anything.  If he's says "my baby" or "my boy" it sounds like he know's it his but I will tell you if you push the subject of money it might push him away from your son.  If he is spending the time at your house ONLY to see the baby and he's not there to see you then he may be waiting for the test results to fight you for 50/50 custody so he doesn't have to pay child support, that is if he's willing to take care of the baby for 50% of the time.

I also know of a girl that is pregnat for her husband with their first child and that girl's mom hasn't bother to even call her own daughter in the past 5 months other than 2 times.  This girl has been in and out of the hospital with this pregnacy and her mom "don't care" or doesn't want to be involved.

I don't want to go into to much on this post so if you would like to know more about what I've been thru and am going thru feel free to message me and remind me what advice your looking for and I'll gladly tell you all I know.

I will say this....  No matter how well you think you know some one; you never know what they are truly like until they are family or are related thru family (like a child)




newmom52907
by on Sep. 15, 2007 at 9:08 PM
Thanks i think he is just scared to take him out of the house right now and im fine with that. He really comes to see both of us and believe me i make him do his share when he's here actually all of it.We spend time together with the baby but he's giving me mixed signals on if he wants to be with me.  He says he just lives to far, a hour away and he works a lot.  Im not worried about him asking for 50/50 cause he is a km for a restaurant and works long hours. So he really would not be able to do that. We have discussed this and he says he is going to practice his visitations  at his house eventually but not like the schedule we are going to have to be flexible on that. Thanks for the advise it reminded me to not push the issue to much cause it will push him away. We just discussed this cause i was rather mean when i was pregnant i had very bad moodswings and he said last night that when i complain at him it pushes him away. And he said that is why he was not at the hospital cause i was MEAN and i was. I thought he was making excuses but i guess it could be true. I should just be thankful he is around for him. And the support will go back to the date it was filed anways so i will get it in the end.
Ruth.G
by on Sep. 15, 2007 at 9:23 PM
Hi newmom52907.. Unfortunately I know exaclty what you are going through. My daughter is a little over 3 months and her father has not done one thing for her. I have no even heard from his mother and I dont even think she has asked about her granddaughter. He talks about sending her money and buying her things, but when the time comes for him to actually do it he ignores my calls and starts talking about how broke he is! I really love him but I have put up with his nonsense for far too long.. I finally put my feelings aside and did what was best for my daughter. I filed for child support and I left him alone. You have every right to tell him,not ask, to do something for his child. If he does not like it he better man up and get over it.He should have thought of all the consequences and the responsibility that come along with having a baby before he did what he did. Take care
newmom52907
by on Sep. 15, 2007 at 9:53 PM
Thanks i guess i know i will get it a month when we go to court and he makes a lot more than me so he is going to have to pay out a lot. I just hurts my feelings that he sees me struggle and he makes great money and cant help his own child out. I just dont want to push him away and him not come see him either i would rather have a daddy for him than money cause you cant buy a daddy. I just am trying to think of a nice way o put it so i does not think im BI**CHING at him. I just dont understand the grandparents at all. I guess every family is different and i am so glad my mom is always buying stuff i can always use. I just cannot imagine having a grandbaby and never seeing something out shopping and pick it up for them. Odd to me maybe my family is just different than his. I know of course my mom is going to always be out buying stuff espsecially cause she is a shopper. But i cannot imagine not one thing even a Congratulations card to me would have been nice or a call seeing how he is.  I  sent them pics and i had to ask them if they got them and his dad said yeah  and thats it. I thought well i wont waste my time anymore. Then he said when he was over at my house  oh i see you got the big pics well yeah i bought them.
Ruth.G
by on Sep. 15, 2007 at 9:59 PM

I understand because I used to let my baby daddy get to me, but I honestly feel like you deserve someone who can be a real man and does not need to be told how to be one. My babby daddy is the same way, he knows that I am struggling but yet he wont offer one dime. If the man cant willingly and freely provide for his child then you dont need his sorry behind in your life. Any man can be a father, but it takes a real man to earn the title of daddy.

newmom52907
by on Sep. 15, 2007 at 10:14 PM
Wow very well said i like that if i a man cant willingly provide for his child then i dont need him. Makes a lot of sense i shouldn't have had to file support for him he should have willingy helped. I m the type of person if he was trying im not going to get in him if he has a 100 one week and the next only 50 i wouldn't get on him he is going to have to pay more in support than what he thinks. I  calculated it online and did his income and mine and got 152 a week i would have been fine if he helped out and bought  diapers, clothes, formula, and we split cost. My son just drinks Nutrimigan and it is 25 a can and with everything else he is killing me. And everytime i hint he just acts like im not talking.
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