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Posted by on Sep. 19, 2007 at 2:26 PM
  • 8 Replies
I'm afraid this is going to be a long post.  I'm sorry but I've carried this inside for so long, I need to let it out!

I've been married for 7 yrs.  Together we have a boy who's 6 & a daughter who's 4.  I have an older son, now on his own, from a previous marriage, my husband has a teenage son who lives with his mother.

My husband has hated my son from day one.  There's no reason for his jealousy, but he's flat out mean to him.  I feel that I let my son down for not getting out of the relationship sooner.  We've been together for 12 yrs. 

My husband has been physically abusive & he's been arrested.  Since his arrest 2 yrs ago, he hasn't been physically abusive, but the verbal abuse has gotten 10 times worse.  And he's started to becoming intimidating now where he'll get right in my face & scream at me or bump me when he walks past when there was no reason to.  I know it's signs that the physical abuse will start again eventually.

He's been arrested for allegedly exposing himself to a girl at his job.  He was never fired.  Can you believe that?!  The girl kept showing up late for court & the Judge threw it out so there's no conviction but then I find out that he was arrested in 1987 for the same thing!  Again, no conviction.  But come on!  A person is not usually accused of something like this once in a lifetime let alone twice!  There has to be some kind of truth to it!

I've also gotten a call from a sheriff b/c my husband was emailing his son's teenage girlfriends.  One of the parents found out & reported him.  The officer just told him not to do it anymore & it was dropped.

I've seen sites on his (work) computer where he's gone to teenage porn sites & also beasiality sites.

This man sickens me...  I don't trust him around our daughter at this point. 

I'm at the point where I am going to file for divorce.  The issue that I'm having right now & am asking for your input on is how do I get past the guilt?  I'm disrupting my children's lives, I'll be moving them from a house to an apartment, a different school, away from their father (who really has very little to do with them anyway, but he's still their daddy in their eyes).  I just feel so horrible for my children. 
by on Sep. 19, 2007 at 2:26 PM
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Replies (1-8):
Heather81615
by on Sep. 19, 2007 at 2:49 PM
The feeling of guilt for being the one to chose divorce is normal.  We were raised that divorce was the worst thing we could do to our kids.  But especially in your situation you can't let your children remain in that enviornment.  Children model what they see at home, by getting out of the situation you are giving them a better chance at succeeding and being happy in their adult life.  Good Luck.
loganslave
by on Sep. 19, 2007 at 3:20 PM
You will feel guilty, and its normal, just keep reminding yourself that you are doing what is best for your kids. They may not understand now, they may be angry but it is your job to protect them no matter what.

You will get through this. Just keep your chin up. i know it's easier said than done but if you need to talk, just drop me a line,
CrystalnSC
by on Sep. 19, 2007 at 4:02 PM
I kinda know what you are going through except I have never been married...  My daughter's father can't stand my son, from someone else, obviously, and he blames that on one of the reasons why he and I can't have a relationship together.  I know you feel guilty about your letting your son down and here is your chance to not let your other children down.  If he is verbally abusive to you, whose to say that he won't be to them as they get older?  Or even physically?  You only get to live life once so you have to do what is best for you and your children.  I'm positive that my kids would want me to be happy...  I would never want my kids to see me in a horrible relation of mistreatment and them think that it was okay.  Best wishes to you and if you ever need someone to talk to, I'm here on my computer.

Crystal

    

www.cafemom.com/group/elvis

miinma77
by on Sep. 19, 2007 at 4:07 PM
Think of the guilt you would have if something ever happened.  It's going to be hard, but you need to do it.  When you go to court, file a motion to vacate.
demonandangel
by on Sep. 19, 2007 at 4:10 PM
It seems as if guilt is part of a mom's job description.  But think how guilty you'd feel if later on something really bad happened to your children because you didn't leave him.  They are already witnessing his abusive ways, and that isn't good for them either.  You are doing the right thing by leaving.  Don't feel guilty about showing your children that you are confident enough and have trust in your own self-worth to know that this is not a good place to be in.  They will respect you so much more for leaving than they ever would if you stayed. 
Mack_Mommy
by on Sep. 19, 2007 at 4:15 PM
OH HONEY! Do not feel guilty for this. You are saving yourself from abuse, and the possibilty of your daughter getting abused. Abuse is abuse no matter how it is dished out. Him yelling and screaming at you infront your kids is not a healthy thing for them to see. Much less the images he may show the 6 yr old boy. GET OUT>>>GET OUT NOW. I can not stress this enough. For your safety and the kids. What if he hurts one of the kids instead of you. Kids are resilient (sp). They bounce back easier then adults, and being in a safe place with unconditional love from one parent is better then walking on eggshells with 2 anyday. As for your older son, he will understand one day. Women stay in relationships for the wrong reasons everyday. Most of them have to do with the man making you think you aren't good enough. Get him out of your head and move on. You can do anything you set your mind to. I am living proof of that honey.
atacrossroad
by on Sep. 19, 2007 at 5:15 PM
Thank you all so much.  I really need support and encouragement right now.  I know that everything each one of you have said is so true and leaving is the best choice I can make for the kids and for myself. 
skker03
by on Sep. 19, 2007 at 5:23 PM

im going to strech out her and ask y r u still with him? there is no reason for a man to hit a women. and he knew u had alreadys had kids and if he didnt like them or get along with them thats a sign. a man has to except u and ur kids form other people if any. so i say divorce it only gets worse.

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