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too much stress

Posted by on Sep. 22, 2007 at 7:50 PM
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I just joined this site. I was looking for a place where i could express my feelings, since I try so hard to keep myself together at work and in front of my daughter. You'd think that after a year and a half I'd be getting better, but I'm not. My husband of 21 years, who I met in my college dorm, left me and is with a 23-year-old au pair he picked up at the dry cleaner's. He barely sees our 15-year-old daughter. After 4 years of infertility treatment, we had our one and only child, and now he barely notices her. He is too busy with his new, fun, carefree life, jetsetting all over the place, bailing out on all his agreed-to obligations while I work 60 hours a week and raise a teenager alone. I wouldn't have time for a new relationship even if there was any way to meet someone. What I miss more than anything is having my husband, who was my best friend, at home to talk to at the end of a long day. After a year and a half, everyone assumes I'm better, but I am still really sad. This is not how my life was supposed to turn out. How do you ever get on an even keel and start having fun again? How long does it take for time to heal this kind of wound?
by on Sep. 22, 2007 at 7:50 PM
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Replies (1-8):
miinma77
by on Sep. 22, 2007 at 7:54 PM
I can relate to you.  My bf of 10 1/2 yrs just left us 2 months ago, it's hard.  I can't picture myself with someone else and I definitely can't picture him with someone else.  I don't know what to tell you as far as when it gets better because everyone is different,
steffiestylist
by on Sep. 22, 2007 at 7:55 PM
Oh honey....I actually teared up when I read this.....I don't know if you ever get over it.....I put on a "confident" front, and force myself to be confident, so that I can move on.........I am always here anytime........

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Fireinmyeyez
by on Sep. 22, 2007 at 7:58 PM
I don't think there ever is a set time frame to get over somebody or a relationship. 21 years is a LONG time to be with somebody. If you met him in college, that's all you've known your whole life. I'm sorry to hear that this is happened and I'm sorry that you are still sad. Most people say to keep busy....and well it seems as if you are as busy as you can be, lol. Do you have any girlfriends? Maybe take one night a week and go out with them. MAKE time. NO EXCUSES. I'm sure your 15 year old can spend a few hours alone or make plans with a friend while you go out and do something with the girls. Or if you don't really have people to go hang out with, take a couple hours and go to a cafe or coffee house by yourself. You never know what could happen. This will get you out and about in the groove of things and also build confidence in yourself that could attrack a possible mate, hehehe. I wish you the best. I'm always here if you need to vent or something.

venusmama
by on Sep. 22, 2007 at 7:59 PM
I don't think the wound ever fully heals. When something happens to the person you love, and your life is no longer what you had planned it to be, it is extremely difficult to let go of the pain of it. I married young, at nineteen, to the man who was my best friend, and my whole world. But he struggled with various addictions and our marriage ended after only four years. We have two sons together, but he rarely sees them, and the relationship the two of us have has been extremely bizzare. At times, we are still best friends, and he calls out for my help, and others, we don't hear from him for months. It is difficult raising children without the benefit of the other parent. Although I think I am a wondeful mother, it doesn't take the place of my sons needing their father. Allow yourself to be sad. You had a significant life together, and that cannot ever be erased. I think our society tends to put these "limits" on how long a person should grieve for the end of a relationship. Although a year and a half seems like a long time, it really isn't.
Aaronmom79
by on Sep. 22, 2007 at 8:09 PM
I feel bad for all that go through this...I was in somewhat of the same situation cause when me and my son father was together we were so in love and were there for each other.. I loved coming home to him and spending time together. When we were together we wanted a child together, when he broke up with me..a few weeks later found out i was pregnant he wanted to make it work but i had my doubts because of the way he left me...Well long story short he has moved on but still has feelings for me and vice versa i don't want to be with him anymore. I do put on a strong face around some and him cause part of misses him and  it hurts but i keep a game face cause i don't want him like that anymore, i just miss certain things about him and how we were
syzygy1963
by on Sep. 22, 2007 at 8:11 PM
Thank you. That is totally true that society seems to feel that it takes a year to grieve, and then you're ok, but there is nothing magical about a year. When your marriage broke up, were your friends supportive? Mine were, but only for a little while, and then they disappeared back into their busy lives and the world of couples. It almost seemed to me as if they thought divorce was contagious.
miinma77
by on Sep. 22, 2007 at 8:18 PM
I don't know if it's fortunate or unfortunate for me but I have no "friends" I have acquaintances, but they don't really care and I just got laid off from my job so I don't even have that to keep me busy anymore.  I have been hanging out with my kids single moms lately.  Like I went out last night and I'm going out next week.   I don't know why people do that, either be there for me or don't I guess they just get sick of hearing the complaining.  But this site is great for this stuff, I did notice on your profile you are from MA as well.  This is probably one of the worst states to find good men.  That was my one good thing I had going for a while not having to be single and deal with the "men?" out there.  I did just join a group www.meetup.com, it's a single parents website, you should check it out.
babymomma9705
by on Sep. 22, 2007 at 9:26 PM
I was only with my ex 4 years and it's been 11/2 yrs since our break-up and I still cry everyday because I miss him so! I don't think I'll ever get over it! And I'm sooooo tired of grieving over him! I can sympathize with you! And like alot of the otheres on here I'm here for you if you wanna get something off your chest!
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