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finding inner peace!

Posted by on Jan. 19, 2013 at 3:38 PM
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Do you.have any advice?

I used.to paint, draw, write, ride my bike, swim in the ocean or just relax there. Enjoy life. But life made a.huge turn, bc I decided to.turn the wheel and go nuts it seems!! I feel lost, overworked, recently divorced, no cs and my job is commission only. I'm selling cars. Which could.be.fun but I see I am going through some emotional issues bc I'm ready to.cry and have a pity party.
I was a SAHM and I have a 2 year old. My 21 looks after him when.is.isn't in college and my dd, she is 13, she cooks and watches him also.

I know I resent my ex, my parents. Different things in both situations.

Bc I have this job, I lost my food stamps and I only make enough to pay my rent. I owe every home bill I have and I don't spent in clothes, movies. I only have one day off a week. I work 12 to 16 hrs a day. I resent my bosses bc I don't see my baby. I leave home and he is sleeping, I go home and he is sleeping too.

I don't feel I work as hard as I did before so I'm not making any money.

Last night some of the ladies I work with, were telling me I need to pray and find god so I can find peace. I asked them if they have seen the matrix. So basically, after you get out of the matrix theres no coming back. Not closing your mind. I can't go back to closing my eyes and logic. they of course insisted.

sorry if I make no sense. I'm writing from my cell and I'm at work feeling sorry for myself trying to get advice, how you guys find peace or deal with every day issues we all go through
by on Jan. 19, 2013 at 3:38 PM
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Replies (1-10):
Nature_girl
by Member on Jan. 20, 2013 at 1:02 PM
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 This sounds like a very difficult time that will have to happen. I went through something like this after my divorce. Had to go back to work, no family where I lived to help out and never a time for myself. It was just ds and me.

Start by trying to be gratiful for the little things. Be gratiful that you have a dd that is helping with and bonding with her little brother. Be thankful that your 21 yr old is in school and is also willing to help when he can.

Start sending out resumes for different job. You need a steady income and time with your child. It is easier to get a job if you have one, so just send it out and see what happens.

Have a goal of what you want and work a little every day to that goal. It doesn't have to be big changes all the time, but small steps, moving forward.

You also went through a divorce. Even if you know that it was the best thing or right thing to do, it is still hard. There is still a sense of loss, and usually an ex to deal with that isn't always pleasant *if you have kids with him*. Allow yourself to be sad. It's okay. That is what you are suppose to be feeling. But don't wallow in it. Give yourself some time to get better.

It sounds like you don't have any "me" time with the job. But that will change when you change jobs.

Lastly, get some rest and eat well. Those two simple things can help you more then you know. We tend to turn to booze, and donuts and coffee *fat, sugar, and alcohol* for comfort and it just makes us feel worse. Eat well, and sleep well and you will have more energy and feel better *not quite so depressed, but still sad* and perhaps taking control of that small part of your life will help you take control of the rest.

And people telling you that you need Jesus is not going to help. They are not offering any advice that is going to make anything better. Let go and let god is ridiculous. Perhaps, don't worry so much and take action is what they should say. What is that saying "god helps those that help themselves." Why is that? We are god. We are the master of our life and our destiny. Others can help us and encourage us along our way, but it comes down to what we do, or can do, or want to do.

Best of luck. Get some rest, play with your son and take on the world tomorrow.

MyMyOhMy
by ImNotThatGod! on Jan. 20, 2013 at 8:16 PM
1 mom liked this

It sounds like you have a full plate. I've been there myself and I know it can be tough, especially when you have an ex instead of a partner.

I'm going to focus on the main question you asked, finding inner peace.

Inner peace is mainly a matter of practice. There are a number of ways to do this. I'll outline one.

First, learn to find neutral. Just sit calmly and pay attention to what happens in your head. You'll probably start thinking about this or that. notice when it happens and go back to paying attention. Eventually you'll find a moment where you are paying attention, but there is nothing in particular happening, a moment of peace. Spend 5-15 minutes doing this a day and you'll cultivate the ability.

Another thing that you may find helpful is spending some time appreciating. Pick something or someone in your life and spend some time appreciating them.

Finally exercise is really good for rebalancing some physical work when you have excess mental stress. Aerobics, yoga, stretching, about any martial art. You can get a variety of videos at the library and thrift stores.

Those three things will help you restore your equanimity and have you looking and feeling better about things.

Generally if you can sell big ticket items like cars you can get better positions. The economy has been picking up lately so take heart, throw some resumes to the winds, or the internet, and see what comes around.   

AimSnapHolz
by on Jan. 22, 2013 at 1:24 AM
1 mom liked this

Prayer is not the answer, but at the same time it is. For a religious person, prayer does a lot of things. For a non-religious person, there is a similar outlet: meditation. I am not even spiritual and I don't believe in all the golden-light, one-with-the-universe BS, but I *DO* believe that when I sit down and close my eyes and focus only on my breathing, letting all thoughts go floating by instead of focusing my attention on any one thought, I am making a change. A real, physical change. I am oxygenating my lungs, my body, my brain. And with that, I am helping to change my energy level, my mindset, and my attitude.

Its worth a try.

mommamaggi
by on Jan. 22, 2013 at 10:29 AM
1 mom liked this

In the hardest times in life, it seems that Murphy's law applies more and more, doesn't it?

Don't worry, this is just a speed bump and you can pick yourself back up and be happy again, it's just going to take some time.

One thing I would suggest is trying to find another job. I know its much easier said than done, but if you have a few minuets on your lunch break or in the evenings send out some apps and resumes online and then after 3 days call the places to which you have applied and check on your app. It just sounds like your job is too stressful with all the other things you have going on right now and in a crappy economy you can't really count of commission because people aren't buying cars like they were before the recession.

Another thing I think would benefit you (though a lot of parents would disagree) go in your baby's room and cuddle with him when you get home. It will help you relax to snuggle up with him for a bit, stroke his hair and just be with him... after all, you're doing all you're doing because you love your family.

For FSM's sake, take a hot bath and enjoy a glass of wine at least once a week! I know you have a lot on your plate, but you need time for you, time to reflect, time to plan out your future as a newly single mom! You have the world at your fingertips and it's not going to be easy to get it in your hands, but it can be a little easier if you have time to relax so you can think it through and devise a solid (all though not always easy) plan. 

flika
by Bronze Member on Jan. 27, 2013 at 10:47 AM
Quoting mommamaggi:

In the hardest times in life, it seems that Murphy's law applies more and more, doesn't it?Don't worry, this is just a speed bump and you can pick yourself back up and be happy again, it's just going to take some time. One thing I would suggest is trying to find another job. I know its much easier said than done, but if you have a few minuets on your lunch break or in the evenings send out some apps and resumes online and then after 3 days call the places to which you have applied and check on your app. It just sounds like your job is too stressful with all the other things you have going on right now and in a crappy economy you can't really count of commission because people aren't buying cars like they were before the recession.

Another thing I think would benefit you (though a lot of parents would disagree) go in your baby's room and cuddle with him when you get home. It will help you relax to snuggle up with him for a bit, stroke his hair and just be with him... after all, you're doing all you're doing because you love your family.

For FSM's sake, take a hot bath and enjoy a glass of wine at least once a week! I know you have a lot on your plate, but you need time for you, time to reflect, time to plan out your future as a newly single mom! You have the world at your fingertips and it's not going to be easy to get it in your hands, but it can be a little easier if you have time to relax so you can think it through and devise a solid (all though not always easy) plan. 




Thank you and sorry i took this long to reply. Last night i sold a car and the managwer that made the menus put his name on the deal, so now is a half a deal for me. I was there with this lady since 545 and finally left at 1030pm. I didnt have time to have lunch bc i was back to back with ppl since the morning when i walked in. Today i have to be there 11 to 7 but im too tired to go in now. I just woke up too.
I've been looking for jobs and no luck. I get immediate response, rejected. I go talk to the ppl and they say, we just hired someone else.

I sleep with my little one. Last night he was sleeping when i came home. He was in my bed so he stayed there.im missing out so much, is ridiculous!!

Thank you for the awesome advice
flika
by Bronze Member on Jan. 27, 2013 at 10:57 AM
Quoting AimSnapHolz:

Prayer is not the answer, but at the same time it is. For a religious person, prayer does a lot of things. For a non-religious person, there is a similar outlet: meditation. I am not even spiritual and I don't believe in all the golden-light, one-with-the-universe BS, but I *DO* believe that when I sit down and close my eyes and focus only on my breathing, letting all thoughts go floating by instead of focusing my attention on any one thought, I am making a change. A real, physical change. I am oxygenating my lungs, my body, my brain. And with that, I am helping to change my energy level, my mindset, and my attitude.

Its worth a try.



Thank you. I used to do yoga and mediation helped. I also did kickboxing and that helped with the excess energy or stress. I need to make time for me and do this. Thank you for your advice. I'm going to try today. Im thinking pig skipping work. I was there until too late.
flika
by Bronze Member on Jan. 27, 2013 at 11:04 AM
Quoting MyMyOhMy:

It sounds like you have a full plate. I've been there myself and I know it can be tough, especially when you have an ex instead of a partner.

I'm going to focus on the main question you asked, finding inner peace.

Inner peace is mainly a matter of practice. There are a number of ways to do this. I'll outline one.

First, learn to find neutral. Just sit calmly and pay attention to what happens in your head. You'll probably start thinking about this or that. notice when it happens and go back to paying attention. Eventually you'll find a moment where you are paying attention, but there is nothing in particular happening, a moment of peace. Spend 5-15 minutes doing this a day and you'll cultivate the ability.

Another thing that you may find helpful is spending some time appreciating. Pick something or someone in your life and spend some time appreciating them.

Finally exercise is really good for rebalancing some physical work when you have excess mental stress. Aerobics, yoga, stretching, about any martial art. You can get a variety of videos at the library and thrift stores.

Those three things will help you restore your equanimity and have you looking and feeling better about things.

Generally if you can sell big ticket items like cars you can get better positions. The economy has been picking up lately so take heart, throw some resumes to the winds, or the internet, and see what comes around.   



I'm going to have my. dd look for yoga and kickboxing. videos at the library today. I need it a lot. Im also going to try the mental exercise you are telling me.
Im also going to school and have homework to do. So it adds to my stress, not as much as work though.
Thank you for your advice and sorry i took this long to answer. I should take the day off today!
MyMyOhMy
by ImNotThatGod! on Jan. 27, 2013 at 11:46 PM
1 mom liked this

 Quoting flika:

I'm going to have my. dd look for yoga and kickboxing. videos at the library today. I need it a lot. Im also going to try the mental exercise you are telling me.
Im also going to school and have homework to do. So it adds to my stress, not as much as work though.
Thank you for your advice and sorry i took this long to answer. I should take the day off today!

On the meditation even a tiny bit every day does more than a lot but infrequently done.

Best wishes!

 

momtoscott
by Member on Jan. 31, 2013 at 8:27 AM
1 mom liked this

 Sometimes you just have to endure, and peace of mind isn't quite achievable.  At the hardest times, I remind myself that the minutes and seconds are passing, no matter what.  I don't know why, but it helps--maybe it's a form of meditation. 

Also, if things in life are shitty, I think it's fine to feel upset about that, even angry sometimes, because that gives you the energy to do something that will help fix things. 

For increasing personal sense of calm and control, meditating, physical activity, listening to/playing music, and writing have been helpful to me.  I find when I disconnect from these too much, even if things are going well, I start to feel a little crazy. 

flika
by Bronze Member on Jan. 31, 2013 at 11:30 AM
Quoting momtoscott:

 Sometimes you just have to endure, and peace of mind isn't quite achievable.  At the hardest times, I remind myself that the minutes and seconds are passing, no matter what.  I don't know why, but it helps--maybe it's a form of meditation. 


Also, if things in life are shitty, I think it's fine to feel upset about that, even angry sometimes, because that gives you the energy to do something that will help fix things. 


For increasing personal sense of calm and control, meditating, physical activity, listening to/playing music, and writing have been helpful to me.  I find when I disconnect from these too much, even if things are going well, I start to feel a little crazy.


I like to draw, paint, write, and I haven't been able to due to my work.in school this semester I wanted to take one art class but I couldn't because it wasn't offered close to me so it wasn't going to work but I know I need it. I drew my bosses as dogs the other day I felt better after lol
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