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A little bit of venting...a little bit of advice?

Posted by on Mar. 8, 2009 at 12:36 PM
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Okay, so my daughter's father and I split up about a year ago, divorce was final last October and we have both moved on (he was remarried a few months after the divorce..ha). So anyway, he is in the military, stationed in TX, 20 hours from me and my daughter. He gets leave every now and then and comes home to visit. I have sole physical custody and we have joint legal custody. Our papers say his visitation is every other weekend but I have let it slide and he gets her longer when he is home. Well, he tells me he wants her to go to TX with him for part of the summer. Keep in mind my little girl is 19 months old and before this visit, she hadn't seen him in 7 months! I do not want her to go. I think she is too young. She can't just call Mommy if she wants to or tell me what goes on when she is there. When we were together he was always at the bar and coming home drunk fighting with me while she was in the next room sleeping. That was one of the many reasons I left. He says if I have a problem with it he will take me back to court. I spoke with my attorney and he says the ball is pretty much in my court, but my ex can take me back to court if he wishes. (Which he didn't even show up to the court date for our divorce and he WAS in town at the time). My family and friends tell me not to let her go, his mom told me she wouldn't let her kids go (but that I have to figure this out myself). I am not trying to keep her from him, but 20 hours away from her mother for I don't even know how long!? I feel like she may think I've abandoned her now and she's only going to be away from me 5 days!! It is killing me now, I don't know what kind of wreck I will be if she does have to go to TX. I asked him yesterday how my baby was doing and if she was having fun. He replies "Good and yes". What kind of answer is that? Is it really that hard to say "Yeah, she's doing great. She's having a really good time. She's been doing this and this...". You know? When he asks me how she is doing I give him more info than that! He is just so hateful everytime I talk to him. When she was a baby baby, he told her to shut up because she was crying. Now she's walking, and exploring everything (into everything), and testing us, throwing fits when she doesn't get her way. How is he going to react to that?! One time while we were all in TX, some coworkers wanted me to go eat with them after work. I never went and did anything and the friends I had there were the people I worked with. So I asked him to keep an eye on her while I went. Couple hours max. He wasn't very thrilled about it but he said yes. When I came home, she was with his friend and his nephew and he was AT THE BAR!!! Not that I didn't trust these two with her, but that was not the point. He couldn't even watch her for me for two hours while I went and did something for myself!? He went to TX before I got there, and when my mom, sister and I got there with the Uhaul (he hadn't seen our daughter in 4 months) he says "Hi Baby Jai" and leaves to go to the bar. Did not hold her, did not kiss her, did not do anything except say hi to the baby he hadn't seen in a while. Whatever about me, I didn't care so much about that, but it really hurt to see the way he was with her. I just need to know if anyone else has done this (I'm sure someone has), and what you did to get through it? Would you let your 19 month old baby go 20 hours away from you? Please help!


by on Mar. 8, 2009 at 12:36 PM
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by on Mar. 8, 2009 at 7:37 PM

Just tell him that you don't feel comfortable with him taking her right now because she is so young.. if I were you I'd go with your gut feelings on this and stick to it.  He has no reason to change the custody agreement, and he is the one not taking her at his time's you don't have to give into him just because he says soo... good luck hun 

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by Group Admin on Mar. 8, 2009 at 8:55 PM

the visitation of every other weekend legally you only have to allow him to take her every other weekend if he didn't take her thats his fault and that doesn't mean that he can combine that into a week or two week span.  If i were you i would listen to the little voice in the bcak of you head screaming noooooooo.  i just divorced my ex hubby who was and is a drunk so I understand why you worry about her with him...  If you do not feel comfortable with her going tell him no.  As a mother it is your job to protect her even if it is from her father.  Let him take you back to court what are they gonna do unless he can prove you unfit to be a mother the court will not do anything about the visitaion cuz it is his fault he doesn't see her not yours.  Please Stand your ground now instead of later don't let him bully you into doing something you don't feel comfortable doing.



by Group Admin on Mar. 9, 2009 at 7:46 PM

Brittni, although this guy is her father, i would simply tell him to take you to court for out of state visitation.  Their are seperate child custody laws when crossing state lines and the best thing that you can do for yourself and for your daughter is to put it in front of a judge so that he can decide what is in the best interest for the child and you have something to fall back on should the need arise.  Remember, a court order holds a lot more weight than you can carry alone.

by on Mar. 10, 2009 at 6:59 PM

So let him take you to court, he has no case. You give him visitation that he has been legally allowed, he can't just order you to give up your child for a few months. The guy is an idiot, tell him to go fuck himself.

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