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Who have YOU influenced ..?

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(A spinoff of who influenced you ...)

Two women come directly to mind when I think of this. Both while I was living in Germany, both Americans. One was military (married to military), the other was a military wife. The first was looking for a means of losing weight, and came to me about it. I did let her know that she'd be trading one problem for another, which she accepted. Asked about a good starter brand, asked me for a few tips. Long story short, she started, lost the weight, and her husband considered me to be his heroine! The other was during the first Gulf War, her d/h was deployed to Saudi Arabia, and she was stressing out big time. She mentioned to me that she heard that smoking helps to deal with stress, and did the same thing, pledging to quit smoking once her husband came home. Which she didn't do. Unlike the first one, I wasn't exactly on her husband's Christmas card list afterwards. He went to the Gulf, leaving behind a wife who didn't smoke, and came home to a smoker. As mentioned in the other thread, I was a partial influence on my daughter starting, but I give most of the credit there to her school friends.

A third that I think of, not one that I influenced to start smoking, but one, as an ex-smoker that I influenced to start again, was my late husband. When we started dating, he promised he wouldn't get on me about my smoking. After we had been dating for several weeks, during dinnner out, he mentioned it would be easier to stay quit if I too quit. I sighed, said to myself "oh shit, I see where this relationship is going, it happens every time I try to date a non-smoker". I got a bit defensive, and said, "well, we both know that's not going to happen, and you promised me you woundn't nag me about my smoking". It got quiet for a bit, and I tried to make a joke, "it would certainly solve problems for both of us if you started again, you obviously miss it". Well, during the course of the evening, he bummed a few of my cigarettes. The next weekend, when we got together again, he had his own.

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by on Oct. 5, 2012 at 3:19 AM
Replies (11-13):
val55
by on Apr. 9, 2014 at 2:32 PM


Quoting Shell1960:

Val, if you're not happily married, why not divorce? I hear that California is friendly for women in a divorce, with community property laws that can't be beat. I'm a military divorcee myself, and consider myself to be quite the expert on military divorce (I get half the retirement, etc.).


Thanks for the advice, i have thought about that A LOT over the years, especially when i had an affair but I cant see getting divorced while my kids are living at home. I would certainly be happier in many many ways if I were single or with someone else but I dont think it is worth it for me when I look at what I would have to give up and what my kids would lose as a result. Assuming nothing changes (the likelihood of things getting better is too slim for vegas to take any wagers on) then we can divorce when my son heads to college.

and to your other comment, i will definitately only consider dating smokers next time around since i have failed in my efforts to influence the one person i have tried to get to start, just another area where he is a complete lost cause :(

shannonnigans
by Member on Apr. 13, 2014 at 1:47 PM

What is strange is that when I read this, it's almost as if it doesn't make sense to me that he didn't or wouldn't start.  If he had tried even one little bit, things might have taken care of themselves, but it sounds like he wouldn't even give that even the slightest chance of occurring.  Was that out of fear?  He wants to not smoke as much as we want to smoke.  For some reason, I find that odd, but that probably speaks more about my own neurosis than his.  I think. 

Quoting val55:

 

Quoting Shell1960:

Val, if you're not happily married, why not divorce? I hear that California is friendly for women in a divorce, with community property laws that can't be beat. I'm a military divorcee myself, and consider myself to be quite the expert on military divorce (I get half the retirement, etc.).

 

Thanks for the advice, i have thought about that A LOT over the years, especially when i had an affair but I cant see getting divorced while my kids are living at home. I would certainly be happier in many many ways if I were single or with someone else but I dont think it is worth it for me when I look at what I would have to give up and what my kids would lose as a result. Assuming nothing changes (the likelihood of things getting better is too slim for vegas to take any wagers on) then we can divorce when my son heads to college.

and to your other comment, i will definitately only consider dating smokers next time around since i have failed in my efforts to influence the one person i have tried to get to start, just another area where he is a complete lost cause :(

 

Karla1948
by Member on May. 4, 2014 at 9:14 PM

It seems logical enough; if you can get him to just try it a few times, and let the nicotine do its work. Which doesn't take very long.

Quoting shannonnigans:

What is strange is that when I read this, it's almost as if it doesn't make sense to me that he didn't or wouldn't start.  If he had tried even one little bit, things might have taken care of themselves, but it sounds like he wouldn't even give that even the slightest chance of occurring.  Was that out of fear?  He wants to not smoke as much as we want to smoke.  For some reason, I find that odd, but that probably speaks more about my own neurosis than his.  I think. 

Quoting val55:


Quoting Shell1960:

Val, if you're not happily married, why not divorce? I hear that California is friendly for women in a divorce, with community property laws that can't be beat. I'm a military divorcee myself, and consider myself to be quite the expert on military divorce (I get half the retirement, etc.).


Thanks for the advice, i have thought about that A LOT over the years, especially when i had an affair but I cant see getting divorced while my kids are living at home. I would certainly be happier in many many ways if I were single or with someone else but I dont think it is worth it for me when I look at what I would have to give up and what my kids would lose as a result. Assuming nothing changes (the likelihood of things getting better is too slim for vegas to take any wagers on) then we can divorce when my son heads to college.

and to your other comment, i will definitately only consider dating smokers next time around since i have failed in my efforts to influence the one person i have tried to get to start, just another area where he is a complete lost cause :(



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