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so tired of being a 'bad mom'

Posted by on Jan. 24, 2013 at 9:32 PM
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i haven't even had my first child yet, and i already get this comment too often. i'm sorry that i cant quit. i tried. i've cut back, but unless you have been in my shoes, please stop judging me. i'm 22 weeks pregnant, and i smoke 1-5 a day. two weeks ago someone i know lost a baby at 23 weeks, and she told me it wasn't fair she lost her baby and i get to keep mine when i obviously dont love it enough. what do you say to these people? go ahead and bash or dont, but if anyone has advice i'd love to hear it. patches and gum dont work for me, and when i try to quit im just too unhappy and stressed out.

CafeMom Tickers
by on Jan. 24, 2013 at 9:32 PM
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Replies (1-7):
shannonnigans
by Member on Jan. 27, 2013 at 10:32 AM
Oh, it was fair. If someone would say something that disgusting to you....... I hope this wasn't a friend, because if it was, that would be the end of that friendship for me. You're doing the best you can. You have a doctor to advise you. Other people aren't a factor in this. And congratulations!
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MissGore
by on Jan. 27, 2013 at 1:28 PM

thank you so much, and yes, it actually was one of my best friends. or at least i thought. 


Quoting shannonnigans:

Oh, it was fair. If someone would say something that disgusting to you....... I hope this wasn't a friend, because if it was, that would be the end of that friendship for me. You're doing the best you can. You have a doctor to advise you. Other people aren't a factor in this. And congratulations!



MrsShipley21
by on Feb. 4, 2013 at 11:09 AM

Geez how sad :(

Tangie16
by on Feb. 8, 2013 at 6:59 PM
1 mom liked this
Hi, not proud here but i was a pretty heavy smoker until i was 22 weeks, i quit little by litttle until one day i quit completly. I used to smoke more than you i felt horrible every time i used to smoke but i thought that was the only way i could cope with things, i feel so sad because i was so wrong im almost two months no cigarrets and yes i get stressed but i realize it was all in my head. I wish i did it sooner.
I don't understand how others can judge, i know what is like feeling cigarrets its the only way, been there, sadly not everybody is going to understand and you have two options stress yourself more with what people say which is going to make you smoke more, or be calm and know that you are trying and not smoking more than 5.
Honestly if you keep stressing about comments you going to end up smoking more, what i did was smoke less like two per day and then 1 and then none, it sucks but i feel better, like i said i do feel bad because i thought i was going to go nuts but it was for a day. I do miss it lol but believe me if you want to quit im sure you can do it ;)
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GHT
by on Feb. 14, 2013 at 12:13 PM

Sorry to hear about your situation. Just keep smoking. I never had a problem smoking through my three pregnancies, but that was in the 80's. Times were different then. I found being pregnant and a smoker, people would come up and chat with you, not give you dirty looks and coments. Smokers would give you a cigarette and light you up, even.

Just prepare now for your kids to become smokers. My son doesn't smoke, my two daughters do.


MissBecky91
by on Mar. 19, 2013 at 1:39 PM
1 mom liked this

Its definitely wrong what she said to you, and she has no right to say that to you.

Its not like you're smoking that much really. 5 cigarettes a day is hardly any for most folks, so the fact that you've been able to cut back to that is really impressive. Everyone will always tell you to smoke less, but if you've tried and can get by smoking only five a day while pregnant, then you're really doing pretty good.

So, not that I'd advocate it or anything, but I smoked the whole time I was pregnant with my daughter. I didn't know I was pregnant for a few months and was kinda in denial since I was still a teenager and just a freshman in high school at the time, but I still smoked a pack a day pretty much the whole time. People would fuss at me about how awful it was, but that only stressed me out more, and made it harder to quit. I swear sometimes I think I almost found myself smoking more the more people fussed at me about it - because I was just a teenager and was prone to doing rebellious things like that.

Anyways, despite me smoking during the entirety of my pregnancy, my daughter turned out just fine. If you're only smoking 5 cigarettes a day, and doing everything else you can, yours will too!  Don't let the turkeys get you down!

Tangie16
by on Jun. 18, 2013 at 12:16 PM
I can say i understand you completely i smoke a couple until i was 22 weeks.
Im not proud at all, i had this stupid idea i couldn't quit that it was going to be really hard, and the more i thought about my pregnancy and i felt more stressed.,, i honestly can say that because of my choice of smoking i didnt enjoy my pregnancy as much as i should have.
My mistake was to think that way about myself that i was weak enough to not quit at all.
You are not a bad mother, before being a mom we are human, humans who make mistakes, if you are about to become a mother for the first time like myself then know that like any other change we have to do our lifes sometimes its hard and along the changes mistakes are made so we learn.
Dont feel bad i think that was the reason i mostly smoke feeling the pressure of quitting then feeling horrible.,
Try to cut down BELIEVE ME that helps if you really want to quit, dont pressure yourself and think positive about yourself.
Today my daughter is almost 3 months this time im not touching a cigarret until i stop breastfeeding, if i didnt dk my best pregnant i will do it now that she here :)
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