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Ignorant Mother in law

Posted by on Apr. 12, 2007 at 11:12 AM
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These are things that my husband allowed my mother-in-law to do.
The reason I say he (allowed) is because, I feel like at any point he could have stepped in and spoke up for us, his (Wife and Children). But for Ten years he choose to make up excuses for her and the rest of his family.....So for the last few years I have been treating her just like she treats me and my babies(Her Grandchildren) It's funny how everybody in their family notices how I start to treat her, but never noticed how she treated us for all that time.....Whatever!

I told my husband that I was no longer going to let her do us like that, she is a grown ass woman and he was not going to continue to make excuses for her....

1. She always played my husband against me. and he always acted like he couldn't see it..

2.
She always showed favoritism against my children for his sisters kids, and they all about the same age...

3
.For ten years they have always treated the ex-girlfriend like a part of the family with no respect as to how it made me feel. And no she does not have any kids with my husband and after 10 years she is still hanging around....

4.
They would not have seen my children for 6 months and when they finally see them they act like they don't even know them...

5.
They never call my children or buy them anything for their birthday's or Christmas. And when holidays come around I always get his sister's kids gift's .

6. She always has something negative to say about anything that we do.

There is so much more But I don't want to make this longer than it has to be,
One thing that I do know is that, I pray everyday that I will never become a mother-in law and grandmother like her....

Much Love, Hugs & KissesTongue out
by on Apr. 12, 2007 at 11:12 AM
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Replies (1-10):
jandra
by on Apr. 13, 2007 at 10:44 AM
im the same way i pray that i dont become like my mother in law ,she lives in mexico and well my husband is the youngest of the males so when one of my sister in law calls to see how we are she tells me my mom says that you probably dont let my brother call her and i answer like this look he is a grown men i dont have hishands tied up .and she just laughs right.
Lagana77
by on Apr. 13, 2007 at 3:46 PM
1 mom liked this
What is it with all these momma boys. I thought the whole point of being married was to stand tall and strong as a family not tall and strong as long as it doesn't interfere with mommy dearest. I love my son to death and I know no mom ever thinks anybody is good enough for their son but damn you have to let your kids make their own mistakes and just be there when they need you. I'm with ya I don't wanna be anything like my MIL she's a royal B@#@h.
blossom6
by on Apr. 18, 2007 at 10:34 AM
Well let me tell you .......my MIL is from the old school days, and she has since passed away a few months ago.

I did however have her and my father in law live with us when they became ill and I will never recommend this to anyone!!!

However, looking back I see that if it weren't for me they would have been dead years ago.
My MIL always had all the answers.  I couldn't cook good enough, but it kept her weight up when she was really ill,
I NEVER cleaned good enough.....if I wasn't up at the crack of dawn scrubbing on my hands and knees then I didn't clean
If my kids went to school with jeans that were not IRONED!!! then I was a terrible mother.
If I sat down to take a breather I was considered lazy
I was a prisoner in my own home and at the same time knew they needed me to live.
My husband had no clue what it took, until one day I broke down from all of the anger and criticism coming my way, and told him I was going to leave.
It was only after I carted him to the doctor with me, and the doctor put me on anti-depressants did he realize the severity of it all.
I have been in counselling for over a year, learning how to set my boundaries where she was concerned and let me tell you how I handled it.
When she started to criticize, or give advice as she called it...she was met with.....
"I realize that is the way you do it, but you have already parented your children and it is my responsibility to parent mine."
When she got angry from that, she was met with a stern  "I will not argue with you today, if you want to be angry, then you will have to do it alone, because I am not becoming part of it."
I tried this for about 4 months until one day, when she tried it , I said it again that I will not allow her to talk to me that way, and she will have to be mad alone, because I was going to the other room,  .......she finally turned around and walked away....
After that, if she had anything to say, she went to my husband to complain about me, and he realized just how angry and critical and awful she had been and he told her to stop coming to him about me, and that she should appreciate all that I do for her especially since her own daughters refused...
For the last six months of her life, she spent it telling me how much she admired me for taking time to read to my kids or play with my kids instead of worrying about mopping the floors, and she wished she would have been that way with her kids, and that she was thankful for all that I had done for her and loved me.
This was my reward for setting my boundaries, and those last six months were wonderful, learning from each other and sharing stories....
As horrible as those ten years were, I stuck it out and was glad I did.
But it sure created a lot of rifts between my husband and I until he realized it for himself.

If your husbands refuse to put you first then he doesn't want a wife , he wants another mother.....drop him like a hot potato....
When I stopped doing for him all the things his mother did for him, he did them for himself and saw that I was a completely different person.
I will NEVER be that kind of mother in law....I have raised my sons better than that, and they had the experience to see what it was like when mommy does everything for you.....you can't grow up to be great men.....just hen pecked by your mother.....
Good luck girls!!!!!!!
Lovelymother3
by Group Owner on Apr. 19, 2007 at 5:29 PM
GONE GIRL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! That's what I am talking about sticking up for yourself.

I was put on anti-depressants going to therapy and having panic attacks, He still made excuses for his mother and still is now and we are not together. So I guess in my case it doesn't matter ..

However I am so happy that things worked out for you.....

Much Love, Hugs & Kisses
Lovelymother3
by Group Owner on Apr. 19, 2007 at 5:31 PM
 I must agree you have to let them be men and stop trying to compete with the new women in their lives....
bluebaby97
by on May. 26, 2007 at 5:49 AM
my ex mother-in law is EVIL !!!!!! She split up our family 12 years ago  PURE EVIL !!!!!





il !!!!
kat74
by New Member on May. 26, 2007 at 7:06 AM

Well Number 1 and 6 are my MIL to a tee. As for the ex-girlfriend my hubby never was allowed to date as a teen ager so I was his first. But when it comes to the kids, I have the exact opposite. My MIL told me once that SHE raised my kids (She babysat them) and there fore had a right to say what they were allowed to do. Thankfully that comment pissed my hubby off as well. But for years, she would say stuff to me and my kids about me not being a good mom or wife but never say anything to my husband. So when I would complain, he would tell me I was making it up. If he asked her, she would cry and say she didnt know why I didnt like her. She is very manipulative.


You wont become a mother in law like her, because you are conscious of how she is wrong.

Quote:

If your husbands refuse to put you first then he doesn't want a wife , he wants another mother.....drop him like a hot potato....
When I stopped doing for him all the things his mother did for him, he did them for himself and saw that I was a completely different person.

I have often believed this with my husband, except he more wants a slave than another mother. A mother would be able to tell him what to do. My hubby wants a woman he can control and have do his bidding. I stopped doing his laundry one time and he paid my daughter to do it for him. If we seperate, his mom will come and clean his house for him. He will never be forced to clean. I have been told over and over by both him and his parents that Men do not clean, that is a womans job. I'm sorry, if I work full time and so does he, than it is both of our jobs.

But my MIL is the same way. I never cook, clean or take care of my kids good enough. She use to come and inspect my house when I was first married. Until one day she came over and commented that there were dishes in the sink and I said if they bothered her she could wash them.
bronzylove
by New Member on Aug. 1, 2012 at 10:14 PM
first off I feel very blessed to have found this community of mom's,wife's & struggling partners just like myself. Very blessed!!! Now i have a place to turn to to vent and receive advice from laddies going thu the same outrageous nonsense I find myself faced with every week of my married life!!!! My intro to my personal situation is a bit long so please bare with me :-).....my husband and I meet 12 yrs ago we were very,very young we had our first 2 children within the first two yrs of our relationship!! We finally got married in 2010. the in laws who dislike me wore black to our wedding . I remained calm thu all of his families attempts to provoke me into anger! But now I'm done they have done to much to offten!!!! For the past 2yrs!!!! It's almost as if i can feel the hell in me trying to come out!!!!, and the main tormentor,harasser,intrusively disrespectful illey shaped of a women......YES his gossiping child like of a mother!!! My (MIL) I am never going to let there actions run me off....but my hubby needs his awakening soon!!! I mean really keep them at bay at best !!!! Just due something!!!! Why??? Is it that we know they love us but they won't help us!! When were being disrespected,harassed,and bullied????
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itsbeebsbaby
by New Member on Aug. 1, 2012 at 11:50 PM
1 mom liked this
I personally blame these stupid men for not having a brain..or for having a brain the size of a peanut. These guys need to understand the fact that there children need them their wives need their support and reassurance. These men should consider leading a healthier life style. Families need eachothers support ...bitter hateful people tend to be detremental to themselves as well as others...I guess some men or men in training need to learn that other people (their families ) depend on their understanding..love..and good will...when their children grow up and don't have a sence of family
unity then I guess grandmother dearest did a very good job of making her inlaws..grand children included feel unloved and alone..but don't worry I'm pretty sure the good lord doesn't spare azz woopins in hell....they all get theirs one way or another.... tah tah
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hkcason
by Member on Aug. 2, 2012 at 9:35 AM
1 mom liked this

after my daughters bday i cut the ties. I mailed FIL his fathers day present, which had the annoucment of our new baby, didn't invite them to my sons bday which they have yet to acknowledge. The only thing we've heard from them is how they were mad we didn't bring the present in person. Told my hubby that i, nor the kids will EVER step foot in that house again, not will they be invited to ours. He may go & see them whenever, I won't try to seperate them, but he hasn't. As always the real test with them( & my hubby) is around holidays. I've also told hubby they will not be welcome at the hospital. I've put it very simply to him. If your mother & father want a relationship with our family all they have to do is apologize to me about the lies they have spread about me, my mother & my son. I will not bend. I maybe considered "the bad guy" for keeping her away from her grandchildren, but 1- she hasn't been around b4 i set the new rules up. & 2- I will not allow her to poision my kids. 

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