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Helping kids cope

Posted by on May. 4, 2012 at 1:56 PM
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 My son was in a play this past Wednesday and super excited about it. We emailed the whole family with all the information & sent out a reminder email couple weeks prior. My biological father(long story) drove from Massachusetts to Georgia for this.  Of course NO ONE from my husbands side showed up.(its a 20 min drive) The disapointment on my little guys face was so heart breaking. I need advice on how/what to say to him b/c he's already asked once. He's exact question as: Why don't Grammy & Grandpa ever come to any of my stuff? She missed his bday party last year & they didn't show to any of the 5 school events they were invited too. Any suggestions would be welcomed!!

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by on May. 4, 2012 at 1:56 PM
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Replies (1-9):
muisjes
by New Member on May. 6, 2012 at 5:16 AM
I'm so sorry for your LO. You've showed your good side and I think you should stop inviting them. I'm sorry I can't help you with what to say to your son. Maybe u could call them and ask why theydon't come?
KrissyKC
by Member on May. 6, 2012 at 4:00 PM

I'm still trying to figure out this, too. 

My mother didn't show up to babysit one day because she flipped out and got mad.   My oldest, who was 5, asked her a few days later when we were trying to figure out our relationship... "Grammy, why don't you want to babysit us?  What did we do wrong?"    This was all from her, not me...  I was in the bathroom and didn't even know she was saying anything.

My parents FLIPPED out... they started yelling at me about "turning the kids against them" and "what are you telling them"  and "a child won't come up with that on their own."

NOTHING I said would explain that YES, my child was expecting you to come over and instead heard you and I yelling at one another over the phone later when you called.   She is QUITE capable of analyzing that how she did.


hkcason
by Member on May. 6, 2012 at 9:01 PM

My husband & I have an agreement, I don't call them, at all, for anything. I'll email that way they can't make something up & I can check when they recieve it. We've had lots of problems w/ I didn't get your message, so figured email is the best way. I knew they weren't going to come, I was just hopeful. I've thought about not inviting them to anything but i've already been accused of not involving the family.(BULLSHIT) I just wish I knew what to say to my son. I dealt with an in & out Dad (&his family) & don't want that for my kids. Thanks to both of you for trying & good luck Krissy!

dresdenfan118
by Member on May. 10, 2012 at 12:09 PM

That is awful.

I agree that you should stop inviting them.  Really.  Who cares if they "accuse you of not involving family".  Your child's feeling come first.  Don't set him up for disappointment.

If someone tries to throw the lack of invites in your face, be honest and walk away.  "I used to invite the PILs, but they never showed, and it always hurt my child's feelings.  No more invites for them, and it's their own fault.  Suck on that and goodbye."

As far as addressing their behavior with your son, I would be honest with him at an age appropriate level.  Explain to him in terms that he can understand that his paternal grandparents suck, aren't into him, and that it is all on them and their loss.  This is all about them, and has nothing to do with him.  Let your kid know that he is awesome, and deserves better, so your not going to be inviting those ingrates anymore.

I have always been honest with my child about her grandparents, at an age appropriate level.  She is older now, and their dysfunction is apparent to her.  She's knows that their behavior is a reflection on them, not her.  My kid doesn't even want to invite her grandparents to anything.  She is rightly afraid of how they would behave.  They make her nervous and uncomfortable. 

If your child's grandparents did show up, and demonstrated their indifference to him first hand, that would be much worse than the no-show.  Seriously, stop inviting these jerks that hurt your kids.  Just write them off as worthless grandparents, because they are. 

lilyismyheart
by on Aug. 22, 2012 at 8:33 PM

I don't advocate turning your child against his grandparents... he will learn soon enough on his own. Just tell him that they had something very importatnt to do but they sent their love and well wishes and told him they were rooting for him to do well!

hkcason
by Member on Aug. 22, 2012 at 10:30 PM

unfortunately its past that. they've done so many things since this that we've just written them off completely, sad cause w/ a new baby coming you'd think they might want to try to be part of our family, but its just not the case :(

Quoting lilyismyheart:

I don't advocate turning your child against his grandparents... he will learn soon enough on his own. Just tell him that they had something very importatnt to do but they sent their love and well wishes and told him they were rooting for him to do well!


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hkcason
by Member on Aug. 22, 2012 at 10:34 PM

sadly they were completely indifferent to him at a graduation party & Izzys bday party(june) i didn't invite them to his bday party(july) & they have yet to acknowledge his bday. guess we'll see when they next major holiday comes around...

Quoting dresdenfan118:

That is awful.

I agree that you should stop inviting them.  Really.  Who cares if they "accuse you of not involving family".  Your child's feeling come first.  Don't set him up for disappointment.

If someone tries to throw the lack of invites in your face, be honest and walk away.  "I used to invite the PILs, but they never showed, and it always hurt my child's feelings.  No more invites for them, and it's their own fault.  Suck on that and goodbye."

As far as addressing their behavior with your son, I would be honest with him at an age appropriate level.  Explain to him in terms that he can understand that his paternal grandparents suck, aren't into him, and that it is all on them and their loss.  This is all about them, and has nothing to do with him.  Let your kid know that he is awesome, and deserves better, so your not going to be inviting those ingrates anymore.

I have always been honest with my child about her grandparents, at an age appropriate level.  She is older now, and their dysfunction is apparent to her.  She's knows that their behavior is a reflection on them, not her.  My kid doesn't even want to invite her grandparents to anything.  She is rightly afraid of how they would behave.  They make her nervous and uncomfortable. 

If your child's grandparents did show up, and demonstrated their indifference to him first hand, that would be much worse than the no-show.  Seriously, stop inviting these jerks that hurt your kids.  Just write them off as worthless grandparents, because they are. 


Lilypie Kids Birthday tickers Lilypie Second Birthday tickers Lilypie Pregnancy tickers

dresdenfan118
by Member on Aug. 22, 2012 at 11:29 PM

Stop worrying about them.  Stop planning things that involve them.  They don't care.  They suck.  

hkcason
by Member on Aug. 23, 2012 at 8:28 AM

thats where i am as of now. my poor DH still feels guilt & sometimes disgust about it tho. after my MIL looked @ my sis,( who traveled from Canada for Izzys 1st bday party,) & said, "oh your here" & rolled her eyes, i knew i was done w/ her.

Quoting dresdenfan118:

Stop worrying about them.  Stop planning things that involve them.  They don't care.  They suck.  


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