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i've cried all night long LONG, BUT I NEED HELP!!

Posted by on Sep. 6, 2012 at 9:31 AM
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Last night both my SIL came over last night to discuss a bunch of Facebook crap. The 1 whom we aren't on good terms(my dh sister) had posted a lot of crap about being left out & so i finally emailed her so we could get it out in the open. She lied again about the stuff not being about us even when i kept saying there were a whole lot of coincidences, but whatever. it turned to the in-laws even tho i didn't want it too, but my Dh kept pushing it b/c he really wanted his sister to understand where we were coming from. a lot of things were discussed but what really made me upset was the fact that my MIL is going around telling people that ay Izzys bday party I pushed her when she tried to hold Izzy & put my hand in her face. I can't believe she hates me so badly that she would make up something that horrible. I actually posted about this b4 b/c i thought it was comical that she flung herself in the chair. Little did I know it was all part of her plan. Its so crazy cause i was holding Izzy with the same hand I held up @ MY waist level & SHE was already standing up. I'm having such a hard time with this, I know people say God doesn't give u more than u can handle but holy cow he must have alot of faith in me. I know I can not confront this women b/c i'm so hurt by all the things she has done to me that i don't think i could get it out. I NEED HELP!!! I really have no idea what to do. my dh wants to try to work things out w/ his sister but after our conversation & her calling me a liar more than once i don't think i can have an honest relationship w/ her & whats the point of having a relationship if its not an honest one? he's hopeing that if his parents see him & his bro & sis are getting along that they'll want to be a part of it. the the last thing i want. i want nothing to do w/ this women.  any words of encouragment or advice would be very much welcome, i know y'all said b4 to cut them off, but thats not working, my hubby ignores them as long as they ignore us but when she calls he jumps right back w/ them.

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by on Sep. 6, 2012 at 9:31 AM
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Replies (1-10):
mommy2alissa
by Member on Jan. 17, 2013 at 12:35 PM
1 mom liked this

Just tell him if you want to have a relationship with them I wont stop you, but me and my child will not. Too much has gone on. 

joyfullem
by Member on Jan. 17, 2013 at 4:27 PM

I agree with PP he can do whatever he wants but if you are going to be treated badly and lied about you and your child/ren do not have to be involved

duejan13th
by Member on Jan. 18, 2013 at 7:07 AM
With my bitch in law. I told dh if he wants something to do with her he can. But leave me and our son out of it... he very rarely speaks to her.
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hkcason
by Member on Jan. 18, 2013 at 3:15 PM

Guess I should update this a little, the very next weekend my DH goes to his Uncles bday party. There sitting on the couch was his mom & sister ripping him a new one to anyone that would listen. He decided then that he didn't want anything to do with them. Especially since his sister was suppose to invite us all to supper a couple days after she left our house.  We had a wonder couple months, until Christmas came & his sister started the Facebook shit again. B/C we had decided to CO his Mom, Dad & sister I thought we both understood what that meant, but he got all hopeful again & called his sister which started another battle. Then come Christmas morning I get a text from my niece. She said my FIL was at their house & on his way to ours next. I told my hubby that he needed to tell him no b4 he even had a chance to come over. That went over so well & my hubby accused me of having no heart. (nice i know) So then I had to be the bad guy who reminded him of why we as a couple had decided that his parents were no longer welcome at our house & why we had cut them off in the 1st place. I reminded him that over a year ago when his Dad sttod in our kitchen I told him he had to make a decission. He was either in my kids lives & he made an effort to be around them or he wasn't.  When i don't hear from u for 6 months i assume u want nothing to do with us! So now that the holiday brainwashing is starting to wear off my DH is getting back to normal :) but damn that was a rough month. Now I just have to hope he doesn't pull this shit again one bb#3 gets here! He flips a lot depending on the season.

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Molly2u
by on Feb. 26, 2013 at 5:06 PM


If I am you. I would hold your ground but stay very cram at all times, no more tears. Let your husband and kids meet his family if they want. Go to moves or to a spa but stay clear of your in laws for sometime until they get your message. This may take a long time. My sister in law use to cause mischief. She on more than one occasion tried to undermine my Marrage and relationship with the rest of her family. Every time she did this I exposed it in front of the family and backed of. Today I am the winner. My ML and SL turned out losing more. The rest of my in-laws caught on and all the stories they said about me remains nothing more than fiction stories. 

These people are bullies and like to fight. I was not going to be there food. 

 


hkcason
by Member on Mar. 7, 2013 at 9:28 AM

B/c of all the lies & distrust, there's no way my children will ever spend time with them w/o me being there. I've seen how they talked about my other SIL to her son when she wasn't around & I will never subject my kids to that. I've always told my DH that he is more than welcome to go to their house,he just chooses not to b/c he wants them to understand that our family is a package deal & they just can't pick & choose which parts they want. It's been over a year since my MIL has spoken to me & I don't think it bothers her so cutting them off wasn't a big deal to me or my kids. DH still wishes they were normal but every new thing they do he realizes that's not going to happen. I'm glad you have gotten to your good place & I can't wait til we're there. We're close but just not quit there yet.

Quoting Molly2u:


If I am you. I would hold your ground but stay very cram at all times, no more tears. Let your husband and kids meet his family if they want. Go to moves or to a spa but stay clear of your in laws for sometime until they get your message. This may take a long time. My sister in law use to cause mischief. She on more than one occasion tried to undermine my Marrage and relationship with the rest of her family. Every time she did this I exposed it in front of the family and backed of. Today I am the winner. My ML and SL turned out losing more. The rest of my in-laws caught on and all the stories they said about me remains nothing more than fiction stories. 

These people are bullies and like to fight. I was not going to be there food. 




berespectful
by Member on Sep. 6, 2013 at 1:28 AM

My DH also won't cut off inlaws for himself or our son. However I have no contact with them and that saves my sanity. With all that lying they sound like narcissists (are you familiar with that term? If not google it.) The cardinal rule of dealing with narcisssists is never, ever, EVER sit down and talk to them. They will turn it into a lie and bashing session on you and leave you crying for hours. Note: of course if one is strong enough to handle talking to narcsissists that is great, but it's normal for them to reduce you to tears. It's their goal really.

hkcason
by Member on Sep. 6, 2013 at 1:13 PM

I didn't really give my DH the option of the kids. He didn't fight about it either. His mother hadn't made an effort to see DD in months prior to the CO. In fact she hasn't seen, held touched or talked to any of my children, including the newest addition since i wrote this! (although we did have a close call in April.) I think after his mothers day cuss out, from the preachers wife too i might add, my DH is slowly realizing that she's never going to change & doesn't care she's missing out on half of her grand children's lives. I know narcissist very well. I've learned A LOT  of physiology terms since meeting MIL! Although my favorite term is bat shit crazy, not a technical term, but still fits!! If my MIL had ever said anything to my face it would've been easier to handle right then, but she's devious & would never confront or accuse me to my face, she likes to talk about people behind their backs way too much for that to happen. It's probably best though cause I tend to fly off the handle & scream & that would give her more fuel to add to the fire! 

Quoting berespectful:

My DH also won't cut off inlaws for himself or our son. However I have no contact with them and that saves my sanity. With all that lying they sound like narcissists (are you familiar with that term? If not google it.) The cardinal rule of dealing with narcisssists is never, ever, EVER sit down and talk to them. They will turn it into a lie and bashing session on you and leave you crying for hours. Note: of course if one is strong enough to handle talking to narcsissists that is great, but it's normal for them to reduce you to tears. It's their goal really.


berespectful
by Member on Sep. 6, 2013 at 1:46 PM

My inlaws are like that without much interest in grandkids (though they lie to DH and say they want to see grandkids. But then of course they won't make the drive to see them, DH is supposed to drive 2 hours after working the graveyard shift and stay for a 12 hour day). Anyways, how did that work not giving DH an option? I didn't give him an option with me going no contact. And he fought it for a while, but finally gave in, though he still brings it up. I seriously don't think he should have fought me going no contact so hard because I'm an adult an can do what I want.  It's a very enmeshed family and they think b/c they are family you HAVE TO SEE THEM, even though DH rarely sees my family. It's a very patriarchal family too. Oh and BIL was a juvenile sex offender, went to court mandated counseling and all 6 years ago when he hit puberty. He still lives at his parents' house. Would that affect your decision with kids? Sorry, just desperate for some advice. Most people are like, "oh just be nicer to your inlaws, everyone has inlaw problems." So it's great to know other people whose inlaws are way, way worse than normal. They seriously told me our son and I ruined DH's life. (Note: ds was born two years after we married, so they certainly couldn't argue entrapment.) But the worst part is all the lies and blaming me for everything even when i try so hard! (Oh and they won't let me touch my husband or sit next to him when we visit, but instead MIL will hug DH over and over and over again. It's kind of creepy.)


Quoting hkcason:

I didn't really give my DH the option of the kids. He didn't fight about it either. His mother hadn't made an effort to see DD in months prior to the CO. In fact she hasn't seen, held touched or talked to any of my children, including the newest addition since i wrote this! (although we did have a close call in April.) I think after his mothers day cuss out, from the preachers wife too i might add, my DH is slowly realizing that she's never going to change & doesn't care she's missing out on half of her grand children's lives. I know narcissist very well. I've learned A LOT  of physiology terms since meeting MIL! Although my favorite term is bat shit crazy, not a technical term, but still fits!! If my MIL had ever said anything to my face it would've been easier to handle right then, but she's devious & would never confront or accuse me to my face, she likes to talk about people behind their backs way too much for that to happen. It's probably best though cause I tend to fly off the handle & scream & that would give her more fuel to add to the fire! 

Quoting berespectful:

My DH also won't cut off inlaws for himself or our son. However I have no contact with them and that saves my sanity. With all that lying they sound like narcissists (are you familiar with that term? If not google it.) The cardinal rule of dealing with narcisssists is never, ever, EVER sit down and talk to them. They will turn it into a lie and bashing session on you and leave you crying for hours. Note: of course if one is strong enough to handle talking to narcsissists that is great, but it's normal for them to reduce you to tears. It's their goal really.




hkcason
by Member on Sep. 6, 2013 at 1:57 PM

I just realized i answered on your post, haha! I showed him my list that i'd been compiling thru out the years. I also reminded him that since he was used to her treatment he didn't see it for what it was. I basically told him he could have his family intact or he could fight me in court for visitation because i wasn't subjecting my kids to her. I think that made him realize that maybe there was something wrong with his mother.  Its not so much a lie that they want to see them, its the fact the only want to see them on their terms. We literally didn't have any contact with the in-laws for 3 months, no phone, text visit nothing & when my bil dropped the bomb that we weren't speaking to them they were actually shocked. If you need a break find a church that does a moms morning out, there usually cheap & a lot safer than narcissistic in-laws & a pedophile!

Quoting berespectful:

My inlaws are like that without much interest in grandkids (though they lie to DH and say they want to see grandkids. But then of course they won't make the drive to see them, DH is supposed to drive 2 hours after working the graveyard shift and stay for a 12 hour day). Anyways, how did that work not giving DH an option? I didn't give him an option with me going no contact. And he fought it for a while, but finally gave in, though he still brings it up. I seriously don't think he should have fought me going no contact so hard because I'm an adult an can do what I want.  It's a very enmeshed family and they think b/c they are family you HAVE TO SEE THEM, even though DH rarely sees my family. It's a very patriarchal family too. Oh and BIL was a juvenile sex offender, went to court mandated counseling and all 6 years ago when he hit puberty. He still lives at his parents' house. Would that affect your decision with kids? Sorry, just desperate for some advice. Most people are like, "oh just be nicer to your inlaws, everyone has inlaw problems." So it's great to know other people whose inlaws are way, way worse than normal. They seriously told me our son and I ruined DH's life. (Note: ds was born two years after we married, so they certainly couldn't argue entrapment.) But the worst part is all the lies and blaming me for everything even when i try so hard! (Oh and they won't let me touch my husband or sit next to him when we visit, but instead MIL will hug DH over and over and over again. It's kind of creepy.)


Quoting hkcason:

I didn't really give my DH the option of the kids. He didn't fight about it either. His mother hadn't made an effort to see DD in months prior to the CO. In fact she hasn't seen, held touched or talked to any of my children, including the newest addition since i wrote this! (although we did have a close call in April.) I think after his mothers day cuss out, from the preachers wife too i might add, my DH is slowly realizing that she's never going to change & doesn't care she's missing out on half of her grand children's lives. I know narcissist very well. I've learned A LOT  of physiology terms since meeting MIL! Although my favorite term is bat shit crazy, not a technical term, but still fits!! If my MIL had ever said anything to my face it would've been easier to handle right then, but she's devious & would never confront or accuse me to my face, she likes to talk about people behind their backs way too much for that to happen. It's probably best though cause I tend to fly off the handle & scream & that would give her more fuel to add to the fire! 

Quoting berespectful:

My DH also won't cut off inlaws for himself or our son. However I have no contact with them and that saves my sanity. With all that lying they sound like narcissists (are you familiar with that term? If not google it.) The cardinal rule of dealing with narcisssists is never, ever, EVER sit down and talk to them. They will turn it into a lie and bashing session on you and leave you crying for hours. Note: of course if one is strong enough to handle talking to narcsissists that is great, but it's normal for them to reduce you to tears. It's their goal really.





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