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i've cried all night long LONG, BUT I NEED HELP!!

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Last night both my SIL came over last night to discuss a bunch of Facebook crap. The 1 whom we aren't on good terms(my dh sister) had posted a lot of crap about being left out & so i finally emailed her so we could get it out in the open. She lied again about the stuff not being about us even when i kept saying there were a whole lot of coincidences, but whatever. it turned to the in-laws even tho i didn't want it too, but my Dh kept pushing it b/c he really wanted his sister to understand where we were coming from. a lot of things were discussed but what really made me upset was the fact that my MIL is going around telling people that ay Izzys bday party I pushed her when she tried to hold Izzy & put my hand in her face. I can't believe she hates me so badly that she would make up something that horrible. I actually posted about this b4 b/c i thought it was comical that she flung herself in the chair. Little did I know it was all part of her plan. Its so crazy cause i was holding Izzy with the same hand I held up @ MY waist level & SHE was already standing up. I'm having such a hard time with this, I know people say God doesn't give u more than u can handle but holy cow he must have alot of faith in me. I know I can not confront this women b/c i'm so hurt by all the things she has done to me that i don't think i could get it out. I NEED HELP!!! I really have no idea what to do. my dh wants to try to work things out w/ his sister but after our conversation & her calling me a liar more than once i don't think i can have an honest relationship w/ her & whats the point of having a relationship if its not an honest one? he's hopeing that if his parents see him & his bro & sis are getting along that they'll want to be a part of it. the the last thing i want. i want nothing to do w/ this women.  any words of encouragment or advice would be very much welcome, i know y'all said b4 to cut them off, but thats not working, my hubby ignores them as long as they ignore us but when she calls he jumps right back w/ them.

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by on Sep. 6, 2012 at 9:31 AM
Replies (11-12):
berespectful
by Member on Sep. 6, 2013 at 2:51 PM

How did the fighting in court for visitation threat go over? I've said extreme stuff to my husband like that before, but he knows I love him and that HE is a good husband (even though he has the most atrocious family ever) so he doesn't really take me seriously. But yeah it took pretty extreme words just to get him  to accept that I would have no contact, nothing about the kids. Does your DH still see his mom? I just hate fighting; I'm a way less assertive person than DH. And he just got back from deployment and we already fought so much so yeah. Basically working up the backbone to fight about ds's contact.


Oh and you mention BIL, is he normal? My BILs and the one's wife (along with grandparents in laws, aunts and uncle in laws etc.) all think very very negatively about me thanks to their mom and will also use deceit to try to draw me back in and make me apologize to their mother. Very enmeshed.


Quoting hkcason:

I just realized i answered on your post, haha! I showed him my list that i'd been compiling thru out the years. I also reminded him that since he was used to her treatment he didn't see it for what it was. I basically told him he could have his family intact or he could fight me in court for visitation because i wasn't subjecting my kids to her. I think that made him realize that maybe there was something wrong with his mother.  Its not so much a lie that they want to see them, its the fact the only want to see them on their terms. We literally didn't have any contact with the in-laws for 3 months, no phone, text visit nothing & when my bil dropped the bomb that we weren't speaking to them they were actually shocked. If you need a break find a church that does a moms morning out, there usually cheap & a lot safer than narcissistic in-laws & a pedophile!


hkcason
by Member on Sep. 7, 2013 at 8:37 AM

That statement brought him around b/c i've never threatened divorce before. He knew i love him too but my children come 1st. He went to see her on Mother's Day which caused all kinds of issues. His mother has him brainwashed so he feels guilt around holidays cause thats the only time she wanted to be around us. My DH has a brother & a sister. Sister is CO too,she's just like her mother, BIL & his wife, unfortunatly had to bear the worse of MIL's wrath. They lost their 1st child & MIL made everything about  the pregnancy, birth, & death & funeral about her. I would've forever cut the bitch off for what she's done to them, but they keep trying. SIL is like you she has nothing to do with MIL, & while her son was young & impressionable he was CO from her too, thats the time I came into the family so thats how i knew how horriblely she talked about SIL to her child before her CO from him. Of course my DH only believed his mom & so he didn't speak to his brother for 5 years. When all of our issues started happening BIL called DH & basically told him, now you know how I've felt, but i'm gonna support you because i know you'll need it. Although we have a good relationship, i don't count them as allies because they constanly push me to allow FIL  in our lives. I told them the same as I told him whether you are an active member of my childrens lives is up to you, but you will not bein & out. Holidays only happen if everyday life happens, the choice is yours becauze it's not my job to make sure you have a relationship with your grandkids. He never came over, called or anything after that so i assumed he made his bed with MIL.Whats sad is that they still see no wrong in their actions. I'm the evil one & DH has no balls in the relationship, another lovely quote from the preachers wife, MIL!!

Quoting berespectful: 

How did the fighting in court for visitation threat go over? I've said extreme stuff to my husband like that before, but he knows I love him and that HE is a good husband (even though he has the most atrocious family ever) so he doesn't really take me seriously. But yeah it took pretty extreme words just to get him  to accept that I would have no contact, nothing about the kids. Does your DH still see his mom? I just hate fighting; I'm a way less assertive person than DH. And he just got back from deployment and we already fought so much so yeah. Basically working up the backbone to fight about ds's contact.


Oh and you mention BIL, is he normal? My BILs and the one's wife (along with grandparents in laws, aunts and uncle in laws etc.) all think very very negatively about me thanks to their mom and will also use deceit to try to draw me back in and make me apologize to their mother. Very enmeshed.


Quoting hkcason:

I just realized i answered on your post, haha! I showed him my list that i'd been compiling thru out the years. I also reminded him that since he was used to her treatment he didn't see it for what it was. I basically told him he could have his family intact or he could fight me in court for visitation because i wasn't subjecting my kids to her. I think that made him realize that maybe there was something wrong with his mother.  Its not so much a lie that they want to see them, its the fact the only want to see them on their terms. We literally didn't have any contact with the in-laws for 3 months, no phone, text visit nothing & when my bil dropped the bomb that we weren't speaking to them they were actually shocked. If you need a break find a church that does a moms morning out, there usually cheap & a lot safer than narcissistic in-laws & a pedophile!



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