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Need advice about my selfish Father-in-Law (Very Long)

Posted by on Nov. 27, 2012 at 9:15 PM
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I really need some advice about my FIL, This might be long, so im going to apologize in advance...

First of all, my FIL is my DH's Step-Dad, but he's raised him from the time my DH was in 2nd grade because my DH's Bio Dad wasnt in his life. So, my DH calls him dad & thinks his dad hung the moon! To my DH, my FIL does no wrong! Let me start from the beginning...

My FIL owns a restaurant right behind our house, but it was closed down & had been closed down since my DH started college. They ran this restaurant all through my DH's childhood & thats how my MIL & FIL made it financially. Well, my DH was making great money in the oil field but decided he was tired of being away from his family & got the idea that he would rent the empty building because his parents are now in the process of a divorce & nobody was using it & his dad was trying to rent it out for a little extra income every month because he;s been living off of only $1000 per month. My DH put thousands of dollars into this restaurant, remodeling it & buying new restaurant furniture & supplies because his dad sold everything that he had in there. He went through all the legal crap & cleaned it up & finally, after about 8 months of busting his butt, the grand opening was in June of last year.

When my DH first brought this up to my FIL, the deal was that since my FIL owes my DH THOUSANDS of dollars, he wouldnt have to worry about paying him rent for 6 months & my FIL wanted to know if he could work there to make some extra money, my DH agreed because everyone loved my FIL's cooking when it was open before, he supposedly made the "best" steaks in town, which really didnt say much considering there was only one other restaurant in our small little country town of a whole 495 people. 

Anyways, my DH's plan was to wait until the restaurant got going real good & he was going to quit the oil field, so in the mean time, my FIL was cooking at the restaurant, we had waitresses & a couple of friends worked there too. My DH has a little boy from a previous relationship, he was barely a year old when my DH & I got together, the little boys mom ran off when he was only 3 months old, never to return or even call to check on him, so I started raising him along with my 9 yr old & 13 yr daughters, so I was unable to work at the restaurant very often & my husband & his dad started all this before I even moved in. Well, my FIL is borderline diabetic & claims his feet hurt all the time & knew this before he agreed to run the restaurant until my DH quit his job & my DH ran it when he was off of work.

Weird things started happening. My FIL was claiming to my DH that the restaurant was not making any money & only getting 2-3 customers a night, yet he was calling my DH every week telling him that he ran out of food & made a $2000 order that he needed my DH to pay for. Thats when I started getting suspicious, how the heck do you go through $2,000 worth of food a week if you're only getting 2-3 customers a night??? I was always home while my DH was out of town working & I started noticing my FIL was buying stuff all the time that he usually would not be able to afford, yet myself, the wife of the owner of this restaurant, was broke all the time. My FIL came over one night & I told him that I paid bills & was broke, he opens his wallet & I see a thick stack of money in his wallet & he hands me $10.00. Yep. $10.00! This was the middle of the month, so I knew it wasnt his money, because he gets his check at the first of the month & it barely covers his bills, so there's no way the money was his. It turns out that we were not only NOT profiting from this restaurant, we were going broke due to the thousands of dollars my FIL was requiring every week for supplies, food orders & the electric bill! I was FURIOUS! We found out that he was pocketing all of the money that was made from the restaurant & we were also paying his utilities for his house so that he could also pocket his check he got every month. So when my DH started questioning him about it, he immediately starts making excuses & gets mad & says that hes not going to run the restaurant anymore & that his feet cant handle it & things like that. So, we ended up taking a HUGE loss on the business! The utilities were in my FIL's name & because he was not paying them, but instead pocketing the money, they were disconnected & he owes $650 for the unpaid electric bill & is now telling us that we need to pay it because it was our restaurant. In an attempt to pay us back some of the money that he stole he gave us his credit card & told us that it had a $2,000 limit & for us to use it however we needed & he would pay the bill & we could take that off of what he owes us, he's now claiming we owe him $2000 for the credit card bill.

My husband lost his job in February & we've been struggling, but we got $20,000 for income tax in april & my husband goes & buys my FIL a truck for $3,000 because the car he was driving was falling apart because he didnt take care of it ( we also gave him that car). After my FIL started claiming that we owed him all this money, I started going through all the paperwork & bank statements from the restaurant & just from June, 2011-December, 2011 my huband transferred over $30,000 to my FIL. the restaurant closed in November, 2011. My husband continues to give, give, give to this man & makes excuse after excuse as to why his dad had a right to steal money from us & its really pissing me off. 

I was in a wreck with an 18-wheeler about a year before i met my husband. I was hurt in the accident, lost my job, my home & my vehicle (obviously) & my daughters &I were struggling. I went into debt due to all the hospital & doctor bills. My attorney took the company that was involved in my wreck to court (it was their fault) & I won a large amount of money. I had only been living with my husband for about 4 months when I settled out of court & got my settlement, I knew I was eventually going to get alot of money, but did not tell my DH that until after I settled because I did not want that to be the only reason he married me, I went through pure hell for over a year to get this money & my husband had nothing to do with it. Now he feels that he is entitled to this money just as much as i am & was furious when our attorney told him that he is not legally entitled to a dime of it because of how I got it, when you get a settlement from a personal injury it is yours & married or not you do not have to give them any of the money, what started this was because my attorney insists that i do not get a joint account with my husband bc even though he still wont be legally entitled to the money, he will have access to the money & my DH has a problem with giving money away to his dad. I told my DH from the beginning that will absolutely NOT give or loan any money to his dad after what he did to us & he got very upset. My attorney informed my DH that he should feel very fortunate that im even willing to share the money bc he knows alot of couples in our situation & the one with the money will not even share a bank account with them & gives them money on an as needed basis, but thats not enough for my DH. My FIL went out & got a ticket for running a stop sign because he drives like a maniac & my DH wants me to pay his $350 ticket & I dont want to. His dad is not in the process of selling the restaurant & all the equipment in the restaurant is ours, but my DH (without telling me) let my FIL have everything we bought so that he could sell it with the restuarant & make more money for himself. My DH came back from his dads last night & sat me down, said he needed to ask me something. Well, his dad asked him if we would loan him $50,000 & he would pay it back to us when he sold the restaurant. First off, normal people borrow $20, maybe even $50 or $100, but $50,000??? Is he out of his mind? Secondly, nobody's going to buy the restaurant because he's asking almost twice what its worth! & after everything his dad has done to us, I dont want to give him a dime! We struggled bad after he stole all of that money from us! We lost all of our savings, everything we had, including my savings. We own our house & land, but we got our utilities disconnected because we couldnt pay them & both of our vehicles went on the repo list, my FIL cashed in a $25,000 life insurance policy & wouldnt even help us pay $600 to keep our vehicles (this was before I got my settlement), my DH went & scrounged up metal & sold it to pay our electric, but we have to heat our house with propane, it was freezing outside & we couldnt afford to buy propane for our tank (it was $400) & he wouldnt help us with that & we have 3 kids in our house, so my DH asked him if we could stay with him for a couple of days & he reluctantly said yes, we were there for 1 night & he kicked us out with no warm place for our children. What really pisses me off about all of this (besides the fact that he stole more that $30,000 from us) is the fact that AFTER he did that to us, my DH ended up giving him $5,000 from our income tax (including the truck he bought him) because he felt bad for him that he was having the drive the car we gave him already with no heat! This man is something else, but anytime I say anything about him or say no to him borrowing money, my DH gets pissed off & starts a huge fight with me & makes excuses for him & says its "our" money & he shouldnt have to ask me to let his dad borrow money bc hes struggling. Really?!? He also says that he owes his dad big time because he raised him & took care of him when he didnt have to. I told him that if he was a real father, he wouldnt expect payment for loving him, a father should love his child because he supposed to, not to get paid. My FIL takes advantage of my DH big time & Im sick of it & my DH cant stand the fact that I wont let him do it to me & I refuse to take away from my kids to support him again, especially after everything hes done to us before! But my DH tells me that im selfish & I should be ashamed of myself! I dont know what to do, Im at the point where Im ready to take all of my money & file for divorce. Am I wrong for not wanting to do for his dad afte everything he's put us through??

by on Nov. 27, 2012 at 9:15 PM
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Replies (1-5):
hkcason
by Member on Nov. 28, 2012 at 10:31 AM
1 mom liked this

HOLY CRAP!! I wouldn't give that man 1 single cent! I can't believe that your hubby still hasn't realized what an awful person he is. Y'all wouldn't be going thru any problems had he not stolen from y'all. I would be telling my hubby that its either him or me & be ready for it to go either way. I'm having  such a hard time understanding how blind he is to this man. you may just be better off w/o him if he's that dumb(sorry no disrespect meant) If y'all stay together I would make sure that your money is completely unaccessible to your DH & it would only be w/the knowledge that FIL is on a permanent cut off from your finances, if not from u. I would have a very hard time having a relationship w/ the person who financially ruined you. I truly hope everything works out for you.

KrissyKC
by Member on Nov. 30, 2012 at 11:47 AM
1 mom liked this

Shoot, tell DH that he's lucky you didn't get FIL up on embezzelment and fraud, and if he wants to give him any more money, he has to do some overtime or something and give out of his excess because you have three kids to raise together.


mommie_x0x
by New Member on Nov. 30, 2012 at 11:59 AM
1 mom liked this
Yeah wow! If my father in law did HALF of that shit I would give my DH an ultimatum. No way in hell I would let that continue and you're DH has some serious issues for letting it... Maybe get him in counseling.... Other then that I would probably go separate ways if he insists on putting that man first. If you need to vent more feel free to message me my DH is in some ways like yours :(
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hraybould83
by New Member on Dec. 5, 2012 at 8:24 PM

Well, I tried sitting my DH down & talking to him about it, but of course nothing has changed. Idk what to do. We got into a huge argument yesterday & did not talk until this morning. Its only gotten worse now. The reason we got into the argument was because my FIL was supposed to give us some money, he is supposed to be paying us every week until we are paid back in full. He did not pay us, told us that he is low on money & cannot afford to pay us this time but came over here wearing new jeans & new Tony Llama boots (which are usually atleast $200 a pair) & of course nothing was said to him. Im so confused. Everytime my DH & I get into an argument he runs off to his dads house & leaves me home for hours. I asked him about counseling, but he says we do not need it, he is seriously lost. So, I have consulted my attorney about a divorce, I am hoping that things will change when hes hit with divorce papers bc he's already been told that I legally do not have to give him a dime if we divorce & that it would be my decision as to whether i give him any money & considering everything thats happened im not going to leave him anything. I told my attorney that I am not going to support my FIL bc i know thats exactly what will happen. Whats weird about all of this, is even though it is legally MY money, anytime I talk about buying me a new car, which was always one of my plans while I was waiting to get this money, he tells me that "we" dont need to be splurging on expensive cars & such, yet i've paid $53,000 restoring an old truck he had before he met me & now he is about to pay $15,000 on an old car that he had restored, he took both of them to the shop & had them restored without even asking me if it was ok if he did it. When I met my husband, even though he made good money, he was in debt to his grandpa. He had lost his job after having to have emergency surgery on his knee the year before & got behind in child support & his truck payments, etc, he also owed almost $15,000 in student loans & over $6,000 in child support, all that accumulated before i even met my DH, but now that his family knows i have all of this money, theyve been calling wanting to know when theyre getting their money back & he told them (again without asking me) that he would call the bank & transfer the money to them tomorrow, which really pisses me off bc I had nothing to do with him owing all of that money, why is it my job to pay it back? Am I wrong for that? He says that when i married him it pretty much made it my job to pay his debt, is that true? The total amount that he owes is over $40,000 AND he wants to give his dad the $50,000 yet I cant buy a $20,000 car with my own money?? Something is very wrong with this picture! My attorney told me that since my FIL stole all of my savings too, to just tell my DH to keep what his dad owes me & consider that his part of the money, but my DH is going to be pissed & I wouldnt be surprised if he didnt try to take me to court to get some of the money, but my attorney says do not worry about it bc he is not entitled to any of my money & any judge will tell him that & probably any lawyer that he asks to represent him will too. Am i wrong for not wanting to give him any money when we divorce? Hes already spent over $100,000 on bullcrap without asking me & giving money to my FIL!

hraybould83
by New Member on Dec. 5, 2012 at 8:37 PM

i really appreciate the offer to message you if i need to talk, i do not have anymore friends bc they do not like my DH, they think he takes advantage of me &  uses me for my money & treats me like im his child instead of his wife. My DH has a friend named Josh, he has this new girlfriend & she does not care for my DH bc he treats Josh like crap. They came over the other day & I had been crying all day, she told me i could talk to her about anything & she promised she would never say a word, not event o Josh bc she talks to me all the time about things that Josh does to make her mad. Well, I told her everything that has been going on & she just could not believe it bc Josh also calls my FIL "dad" & has made her believe that he's the greatest man in the world. Well, the next day my DH realized that one of her kids stole my DH's BB Gun & called them very upset that the little boy stole the gun after he told him that he could not take it home. Josh told my DH that his girlfriend had told him everything i said & then proceeded to tell my DH what i told her & i heard everything but my DH swears that he did not tell him that & does not even act upset about the fact that i told her i had been thinking about leaving him, which makes me feel even more like he really does not love me or want to be with me & that he is only using me for my money. Idk what to do, im really confused. I heard him ask Josh on the phone "what else did she say about me?" & then i heard him say "oh, really? thats ok, just wait.." so idk what he is up to, i took it as him meaning just wait & see what i do to her! idk. i feel so lost.

Quoting mommie_x0x:

Yeah wow! If my father in law did HALF of that shit I would give my DH an ultimatum. No way in hell I would let that continue and you're DH has some serious issues for letting it... Maybe get him in counseling.... Other then that I would probably go separate ways if he insists on putting that man first. If you need to vent more feel free to message me my DH is in some ways like yours :(


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