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Very Long but I need help...

Posted by on Jul. 14, 2007 at 6:13 PM
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I am at the edge of a double ended sword. On one hand I have my MIL who was fine with me at the start but when my now hubby and I announced we would be moving in together she turned evil. Ever since then I have done everything to get on her good side but nothing seems to work. It was a few days ago when the shit hit the fan and what little respect I thought we had for each other was torn down. FIL asked if I and hubby would come over so he could chat with us. Until then I thought that everything between FIL and i was fine. Guess again. He stated that I was to no longer hug him when we saw each other and that I had disrespected his wife and he was not going to stand for that. I of course was mortified. What in the world had I done? Well come to find out, I apparently stepped on her toes when I asked why she had changed our daughter out of the clothes she was wearing when I sent her out. What hurts my feeling is that the dress our daughter was wearing was one my mother had bought and I believe MIL through it away. MIL hates everything I put on our daughter. It can be a simple pair of shorts and t shirt and she will gripe about it. Yet this is not even the start of my problems. MIL has taken it upon herself to get the whole family against me. I have yet to do anything I or hubby feels is wrong.

MIL now has a new best friend, one that hates me as much as she does. Hubby had a friend before I even came in the picture, this happens to be a family friend. I have no problem with him having female friends. But this one would text message him at all hours of the night and first thing in the morning. I wasn’t happy but I didn’t say anything until I read one of the messages and it was one that crossed the line. I told him he better take care of it. I was informed that he told her to watch the way she talked and limit the number of times she felt the need to text him. She obvious didn’t get the message, so I told hubby I had enough. He then told her he didn’t want to speak to her and he would not respond to any of her messages. She then goes and tells MIL I told him he couldn’t talk to her anymore. Now MIL and FIL have a new thing, I’m controlling hubby and telling who he can and can not talk to. FIL at our little chat goes on to tell me I need to back off hubby and stop controlling him. I told FIL that hubby is his own man and can do what he pleases. All I asked from him was to tell this girl to respect me and stop waking me up at night and 7 in the morning. I told FIL he can talk to who ever he wants and I don’t have trust issues. FIL just stared at me and said ok.

This is still not the edge of my sword. Where I am at now is a very uncomfortable place. I had posted a note on my MySpace page seeing as I was being watched and everything I was posting was being taken back to MIL. Stating that my page was for people who were honestly wanted to know how I was doing in life and not to feed peoples evil need for drama. Hubby flipped when he read this. And this is where I’m at. Hubby went through 3 years of hell with ex wife and divorce and a whole bunch of other crap. And he said that they (being his family) were the only things keeping him alive and sane. And for that it doesn’t matter what they say or do him will always respect them. He turns to me and says the woman he married would respect his family no matter what because he does. So hear I am. They say all this crap about me which really isn’t the problem. My whole issue is the way they treat him about it. He isn’t talking to them because I am in his life. That is his family. I would die without mine. It hurts me more that they would treat him like shit.


So my question to all of you is how do i deal with this? Hubby says just dont worry about it and let it go. I just cant do that!!!

by on Jul. 14, 2007 at 6:13 PM
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by on Jul. 15, 2007 at 12:00 AM
listen, i know im young, but i have gone thru more than wat some 40+yrs old women have gone thru.....
now i want to elaborate soooo much on this because i know how u feel trust black(jamaican and african to be exact)
and my baby father is panamanian....
now we have a certain way of doing hair..and so do they..if my mom does my daughters hair, my mother in law pulls it out when she sees my daughter and she says who did ur hair like this??!!!!
i was sooo i know howu feel about the clothes..and trust me she does the clothing thing to my daughter as well...
as 4 the father in law and the mil., confronting you, confront their asses back.!
if u stand 4 nothing u will fall 4 anything! i think thats how it
long story short girl, my man has told me time and time again...
when i start worrying about wat the family has to say, just remember that they r just that family...nothing sounds harsh but its life....just let it b u and its just me and mine....cause thats how its gonna b in the end always...!
i just shut every1 out and i tell them listen he chose 2 be with me!
i didnt c any1 around when i was f*uckin him, washin his clothes cooking 4 him, havin his baby, rubbin his feet, etc!!!!!!!

by New Member on Jul. 15, 2007 at 1:57 PM
I'm so glad that i'm not the only one out there that has this problem. You are right about that fact its only going to you and him in the end and that is what my honey told me. I think for me its a bit earier hearing it from someone who is having the same problem. I am white where my husband is black so i have found his family does things A LOT different in some areas. Thank you very much!
by on Aug. 11, 2007 at 12:09 AM
i am so sorry to read about all of this you are going through.  i cant imagine how horrible it must feel.  the first thing is family is important, but these in laws cant disrespect you and your marriage.  you are the mother, what you say goes with the children, period.  no questions asked.  as far as hubby goes, he needs to be on your side.  he needs to talk to them and put his foot down.  his dad doesnt need to sit you down like you are a child yourself, that is not his place.  he also needs to talk to his mother and let her know you are his immediate family and you come first, and to let her know they are a very important part of his life, but HIS famly comes first.  and the all night texts, no way!  female friends need to move aside when you get married.   you guys can all go out together, double date or something, or occasional call or email but not everyday, no need for that.  he is married and he needs to be respectful of yoru feelings  i had several guy friends before marriage and for those that couldnt be apart of OUR (mine and hubby) they are gone
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